"AITA for getting a haircut without telling my fiancée?"
My hair has always been fairly short. It was short when I started dating my now fiancée, but I started letting it grow longer because she said she liked it. I'm a hot-natured person, so the long hair has been starting to bother me a bit lately, and I've talked about wanting to cut it shorter. Also, she frequently talks about how good I looked ten years ago (my hair was short).
A few days ago, I was out running errands and decided to get a haircut. It wasn't something that I set out to do, but I went to the store, and a hair salon was in that shopping center. I decided to pull the trigger. The haircut I got still leaves my hair longer than it was when we first got together. I thought she'd be surprised, but I didn't expect her to be angry.
I don't think I was in the wrong, but I still apologized for not telling her first, but she started withholding affection and love, pulling away from me when I tried to touch her and not saying "I love you" back. What?
The next morning, she said she was still mad at me about it and said "I feel like I can't trust you. It makes me wonder what else you're doing without telling me." That upset me, and I told her that she's just going to have to get over it.
It's now been 4 days, and she still has yet to show me an ounce of affection... because I got my own hair cut. I could understand if my hair had always been long and I made a drastic change or if I dyed my hair pink or got a tattoo or something without telling her, but for her to be mad at me for this just doesn't make sense to me. I'm confused and hurt. It feels like a control thing. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BulbasaurRanch said:
NTA. Woah, her making this into a trust issue is actually crazy. This should really be an eye opening experience to see if marriage is actually a good idea or not. That’s some next level crazy manipulative behavior.
Then her withholding affection like this? Yikes. Really consider if this is the type of behavior you want to deal with the rest of your life. You don’t list ages, but anything beyond 18-21 is a serious sign about her maturity level.
Patient_Meaning_2751 said:
She is putting this down to a matter of trust?!! Put the wedding on hold, dude. It’s bad enough she thinks she has any say in the matter and resorted to manipulation. But trust is the core of any relationship. If she can’t trust you to take care of your own body, you can’t trust her to love you for you.
lihzee said:
If this is how she reacts to something as small as an unexpected haircut, she doesn't sound mature enough to be married. She won't say "I love you" back because of a haircut? Is she a 16 year old in her first relationship? It's just ridiculous.
curiousblondwonders said:
If this is a real story- NTA your fiancee has a major control problem that you should NOT be wanting to marry that walking red flag.
Briscogun said:
RED FLAG WARNING! This is a crazy response to a haircut. Do you get to tell her how to style/cut her hair? I'm going to guess that's a "no". You can get your hair cut however and whenever you like, just as she can.
This is a crazy response and should show you the level of control and manipulation she is willing to exert over you to get her way, and in no way be concerned about what YOU want. Seriously reconsider this relationship, because behavior like this does not get better after marriage, it will only get worse. NTA, she is.
unimpressed-one said:
She should be your ex fiancee. this girl has issues.