'AITA for getting mad at my parents for using the money my grandma gave me for graduation?'

"AITA for getting mad at my parents for using the money my grandma gave me for graduation?"

I (23 F) have just graduated from university. I’ve always had a close relationship with my grandma and she has given me roughly $1.4k (converted to USD) upon graduation as a gift. As she isn’t really good with tech, she gave my dad cash. My dad said he’ll keep it in his account for the time being.

Yesterday I asked for the money as I had something I wanted to buy. My dad told me he has spent it and has nothing to give me atm. I know $1.4k isn’t a large sum of money but I currently have no income so it would really help me rn. And what pisses me off the most is that he didn’t even think of asking me before using my money.

I had a huge fight with my parents but they think I’m being ungrateful as they’ve spent most of the money on me anyways (living expenses, education etc.) Right now I feel like my trust has been broken by the two people I trusted the most. AITA??

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ThisWillAgeWell wrote:

NTA. Your dad STOLE from you. I disagree with you that $1400 USD isn't a large sum of money. It's a lot. I had a huge fight with my parents but they think I’m being ungrateful as they’ve spent most of the money on me anyways (living expenses, education etc.)

No. Nonononononoooooo. They are wrong. You did not ask to be born; they have an obligation to provide you with the necessities of life. It does not entitle them to help themselves forever to any cash gifts you receive. You owe them nothing financially.

I have no idea whether you are ever going to succeed in getting this money back from your parents. Given the spurious justification they've put forward, I suspect they have no intention of giving it back. All you can do now is decide how you want to handle this. If it were me, I'd say "You have 24 hours to hand it back, or I'm going to the authorities."

(It would help if your grandma could provide a statement to the police saying she handed over the cash to your dad in trust for you.) But you may not want to do that, if you need to continue living with them or if you think the family relationship is worth preserving. (Heaven knows why. I don't want to be nice and friendly and loving towards a thief.

And if I lived with him, I'd be making plans to move out.) In any case, you now know that you can never trust your parents again. Open your own bank account (at 23, you should have had one already) and deposit any cash gifts in there.

Mediocre_ant_337 wrote:

Let your dad know that he has 10 days to return it even if he has to get a loan to cover it. Let your grandma know what he has down so there will be pressure there to make good on it.

infamous-project-365 wrote:

NTA. Tell your grandma your dad stole your graduation gift.

Knickknockers wrote:

Go over dad's head and tell grandma. I bet she will have some thoughts about how the money was used. NTA.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone that replied and gave me advice! I just wanted to add some context and provide an update.

I used to study abroad so since I have graduated now, I am currently staying at home with my parents, which makes things a lot more complicated.

Many of you advised me to tell my grandma about this, which I did. But she isn’t bothered by it as my parents claimed that all the money went to paying for my education etc.

I demanded to have less than a third of the money returned by tomorrow. My dad said he had no money, and if he had to pay me, he would have to sell his last gold bar.

I’m applying for masters this year, and my parents were gonna sponsor me. But now, my dad is threatening not to do so anymore since I’m demanding my money back.

Also, I’m from an Asian country, where being “filial” is highly important, so I don’t know if that changes the context.

I’m also wondering if I can take out a student loan in the US as a foreign students to pay for my tuition if my dad does withdraw his offer?

Here's what people had to say to OP's update:

scary_teens1996 wrote:

NTA but don't be stupid, OP. Your trust is gone, yes. However you still depend on them for everything, and a VERY expensive opportunity to go to grad school in the US.

Not only can you not afford to save up for it on your own in less than a year yourself, you'd be ineligible for loans in your home country and the only loans you'd qualify for in the US are super high interest because you're an international student with zero collateral.

Randomuser7914 wrote:

Act friendly and forgiving, get your masters under their sponsoring, cut ties.

Other solution would be: grab his gold bar, sell it, cut ties. If he doesn't respect boundaries, why should you.

drbytefire wrote:

NTA. Your dad sounds like a real dumb AH.
We move everyting we get for our kids (birthdays etc.) into a ETF to accumulate over time, i would never dream of spending anything from that.

Stock-Mountain_6063 wrote:

Tell him to sell his last gold bar and pay you back. And then you should definitely take care of your own education payments from here on in or it might be held over your head.