'AITA for getting upset because my baby was the sole nibling not invited to my brother's wedding?'
"AITA for getting upset because my baby was the sole nibling not invited to my brother's wedding?"
When my husband and I got married a few years ago, we had a kid-free wedding except for my 4 nieces & nephews (hubby had none), then ages 8, 6, 4, & 4, who were in the wedding party. Some of my cousins couldn't attend because of our no-kid policy, which I understood.
Fast forward 2.5 years and my brother is getting married. Now there are 5 niblings with the addition of my daughter, almost 1. Again, it's a mostly kid-free wedding and the bride doesn't have any niblings, just the 5 for my brother from our side of the family, now ages 10, 8, 6, 5 (almost 6) and 10 months (mine).
All of the older kids are in the wedding, but I completely understand why my infant isn't in the wedding party. The wedding is about 2 hours from where we live, and it's an evening wedding w/ dinner and reception after.
I've never really gotten along with my brother and his fiancee, but we have a cordial relationship and all live in the same town, so we see each other often at family gatherings.
Getting to the point, wedding invites came out and ours was addressed just to us by name, so I reached out to see if my daughter was included, and they said no, only the 4 older niblings in the wedding party and a 4-yo belonging to one of the bridesmaids, also in the wedding as another flower girl. They said they were worried about the baby being loud during the ceremony.
I firmly believe couples should get to dictate what they want for their wedding, but was hurt because my daughter is the only niece or nephew not invited. I might still have just shrugged it off and dealt with it until we found out that MY husband's family (parents and unmarried sister) are invited to my brother's wedding as well. T
These are my in-laws; my brother and his fiancee only know them from our joint family gatherings. Everyone knows we've only ever left our daughter with family, and now literally my daughter's entire family (all her grandparents, all her aunts & uncles, and all her cousins) are invited to the wedding and she's not.
Now it feels like maybe my brother is trying to punish us for our less than perfect relationship by excluding my daughter only. AITA if I call him out and insist my daughter be included? I mentioned potentially not attending because of this to my mom and she flipped out saying I could not ditch my brothers wedding, I have to support family blah blah blah.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
superrm81 said:
You WBTA if you insist your child is included. Only kids in the bridal party are invited, your child is too young for the bridal party, which you admit. Your child has not been excluded. Two, I highly doubt your brother has invited your in laws to mess up your babysitting. The reality is it probably never occurred to him. Either dont go or find someone else to mind your child between now and then.
Chaoticgood790 said:
...but you did the same thing? Like am I taking crazy pills? You literally did the same thing and said you understood. So why are you upset that another couple has the same rule. Your daughter is not even one, the other kids are IN the wedding and much older. Sounds like you don't like the shoe on the other foot. Get over yourself YTA.
JanetInSpain said:
YTA you really think a 1 year old being brought to a wedding is anywhere equivalent to 10, 8, 6, and 5 year olds? The others are kids. Yours is a baby.
completedett said:
YTA Your child is a baby, babies are loud and it's perfectly reasonable to not want to invite her. I know your in laws are invited but ask if they would watch your daughter instead of attending. You are taking it way too personally than it needs to be. They already gave you the reason and it makes perfect sense.
reduff said:
YTA. It's their wedding, their rules. That being said, not sure why your in-laws would attend your brother's wedding if they barely know the couple (or why they would be invited, honestly). I would probably leave husband at home and not go to the reception, if it's happening in the town where you live.
Travelinggreys said:
YTA. Not everything is about you. Your baby isn’t invited like every other child other than those in the wedding party. Believe it or not other wedding guests have children too. They are affected as well. Just like your cousin who couldn’t attend your wedding because of your choices.
Your in- laws maybe invited because your brother likes them not because he is messing with you. They are having a kid free wedding like you. They get to choose who goes not you. Why can’t your husband stay home? Why can’t you find a hotel nearby and one of you go to the wedding, one go to the reception. Many choices other than being TA.