'AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend for leaving a single dish in the sink?'
"AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend for leaving a single dish in the sink?"
This sounds really stupid and I can’t tell if I’m crazy but every time my boyfriend does the dishes, he always leaves 1-2 dishes in the sink. For context, we’ve been together for 6 years.
The issue is, whenever he does the dishes or other chores, it almost feels incomplete. He always leaves a singular dish in the sink. I’ve asked him about it and he just laughs. It almost feels like he’s purposefully leaving them for me to do.
I got upset at him and told him that it feels like he’s doing it on purpose because he knows it makes me upset. I can’t exactly understand why I feel mad and why he does that. Can someone help me understand?
I’ve expressed how it makes me feel upset, especially because when I do the dishes, I do all of them at once. He thinks it’s not a big deal because he did the rest. It’s just a small little thing but it makes me feel upset for some reason? AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Massive_Letterhead90 said:
Laundry? Leave his favorite garment in the hamper. Laugh. Shopping? Leave out his snacks. Laugh. Making dinner? Leave out his plate. Laugh. "Are you mad honey? I thought this was our little in-joke. Isn't it?"
Seriously though, I've always found a lot of practical jokes to be kind of mean spirited. Take a hard look at that man of yours. Is he a nice person? Does he like and respect you?
Hiadro said:
You asked him about it, told him it upsets you, and he just laughed? How old is he? NTA. You're describing a weird, ahole behavior. Not something I'd wanna live with, if I were you.
Rabt_FTS said:
NTA. If he's willing to do this, despite you asking him not to, repeatedly...how can you trust him with anything? How can you trust him if you ended up incapacitated? I would not make that man into my emergency contact.
Ordinary-Audience363 said:
NTA. He's being passive aggressive. I'd bet there are other annoying things he does. I am the type who would throw whatever it is in the trash.
Chiennoir_505 said:
Totally NTA. It sounds like he doesn't respect you very much. This kind of passive-aggressive stuff can escalate into other controlling behaviors. You're allowed to express your displeasure -- a good partner doesn't actively continue to do things that upset you and laugh at you when you call them out...
shadespeak said:
If he has ADHD he was not being malicious. Especially if there’s a pattern of him not finishing things in his life, even when you’re not around, you shouldn’t personalize it. This reminds me of when I’m chronically late to an event, my friend will think it’s because I don’t care about her time.
On the contrary. I do this to everyone. So that means it’s not a problem with my friend. It’s a problem with me. If you don’t have ADHD, you probably won’t understand.
After reading the comments, OP provided a mini update:
I’ve realized that I’m not crazy and it’s ok to feel upset about this. However, I’ve thought about it and I’m not sure if what he did really warranted my reaction. To answer some of your questions, no I don’t have OCD, no we are not married because we are still young and just graduated from college, yes he has ADHD.
I appreciate the perspective you guys have given me and I’ve realized he’s probably not doing this on purpose. I sat him down and I actually showed him my post and the comments. He said he didn’t realize that it was actually bothering me and that he’ll stop.
I think the thing that was bothering me the most was the fact that he wasn’t taking me very seriously. About this and other things in our relationship. I’ll take your advice and reevaluate. Thanks everyone for helping me understand! Almost felt like I was gaslighting myself.