'AITA for getting upset with my roommates for bringing random men over late at night?' UPDATED

"AITA for getting upset with my roommates for bringing random men over late at night?"

Hi everyone I (25F) live in a 3-bedroom apartment with two other girls, Anna (22F) and Jess (22F). When we first moved in together, we all agreed on a few ground rules: no unannounced overnight guests, no strangers coming over super late, and to be respectful about noise since we all have early mornings for work or school.

Lately though, Anna and Jess have started bringing random guys over late at night I’m talking 1 or 2 AM often after a night out or from dating apps. I don’t have a problem with them having a social life, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable having strangers in our apartment while I’m trying to sleep, especially when I have no idea who they are.

What really crossed the line for me was a couple weeks ago when one of the guys walked into my bathroom without asking, and another time, a different guy tried to open my bedroom door at 2:30 AM, clearly thinking it was Jess' room. That scared the hell out of me.

I’ve brought this up with both of them several times, saying it makes me feel unsafe and disrespected in my own home. Every time, they just say “sorry, it won’t happen again” or that I’m “overreacting” and that it’s not a big deal. Spoiler: it keeps happening.

Last night was the final straw I woke up to loud voices and laughing at 2 AM, only to find two new random guys in our living room. I lost my temper and told them this was seriously not okay anymore. Now Anna and Jess are calling me uptight and “no fun,” and said I’m making them feel like they can’t live their lives in their own apartment. Now I’m starting to wonder AITA for putting my foot down about this?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Professional_Pop8867 wrote:

NTA, you guys all agreed on boundaries.

However it’s clear they aren’t going to follow them and have no interest in how you feel, and you can’t tell them what to do, so it’s probably best to look for a new living situation.

FairyFartDayDreams wrote:

NTA and in the meantime change your bedroom doorknob to a locking with key door same with the bathroom.

SeaShore29 wrote:

NTA. You've done nothing wrong but unfortunately you will probably have to move out as it sounds like things are unlikely to improve. In the meantime you might like to get a lock for your door if you're able to.

Due_Common_7137 wrote:

You are NTA. They are. You agreed rules and they’re repeatedly breaking them. Not once, either. Another meeting is needed. These are the rules we agreed. This is why we agreed them. This is what is happening (insert detailed timeline of the increasingly unnerving encounters you’re having).

Once or twice now and then is understandable but this is a sustained pattern of you guys not giving a single f about what we agreed, why we agreed it, and my concerns after repeated infractions. It needs to stop or you could move out and find someone else to live with who has as little respect for agreed rules as you two do.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

Hey everyone just wanted to give an update since a lot has happened in the last couple of days. So after I made that post, things between me, Anna, and Jess got way more tense. I tried one more time to have a calm, sit-down conversation with them about it.

I told them again how uncomfortable and unsafe it makes me feel to have random guys in the apartment in the middle of the night, especially after the incidents with the bathroom and someone trying to open my bedroom door.

Instead of being understanding, they doubled down. Jess basically told me I was being "paranoid" and “controlling,” and Anna said I was “ruining the vibe” of the apartment. They claimed it’s their right to have whoever they want over, whenever they want, because “we’re adults now.” Apparently, me wanting to feel safe and know who’s in my own home makes me a buzzkill.

Then the final straw happened the very next night, they had three guys over, super late again. One of them was so drunk he knocked over a lamp in the living room and then had the nerve to start banging on my door at like 2:15 AM because he "wanted to use the bathroom." I didn’t open the door, I just grabbed my stuff, left, and went straight to my boyfriend’s place.

I’ve been staying with him temporarily while I figure out my next move. Thankfully, he’s been super supportive and offered to let me stay as long as I need. I also let my landlord know what’s going on, and I’m officially starting the process of breaking my lease and looking for a new place.

I honestly can’t believe it escalated this quickly, but I don’t feel safe or comfortable there anymore. It sucks because I loved that apartment when we first moved in, but it’s not worth the constant anxiety or the risk. I wish they could’ve just respected boundaries and been reasonable roommates, but here we are.

Thanks so much to everyone who commented on the original post you all made me feel so much less crazy for being upset about it.

TL;DR: Things escalated, I moved out temporarily, and I’m breaking my lease to get out of that situation for good.

The internet had a lot to say in response to the update.

Kleouna wrote:

Definitely the right move to leave. Their behavior was completely unreasonable and disrespectful of your safety. So glad you have a supportive boyfriend and are getting out of that situation. Wishing you all the best finding a new, peaceful place!

Horizontal_Bob wrote:

You’re right to leave.

Your roommates are naive to the realities of the world and how dangerously naive they are being.

Jdanielbarlow wrote:

For their sake, I hope what usually happens when young women make a habit of bringing drunk guys around regularly, doesn’t happen. Every lesson doesn’t need to be learned the hard way. Glad you’re getting out. I know too many women that this didn’t turn out well for.