'AITA for getting a wedding canceled by sending a video to the bride?' 'I'm a snitch.'
"AITA for getting a wedding canceled by sending a video to the bride?"
My uncle Jay(28M) is marrying Mel (26F). She's shy so she never wanted a big wedding where she has to walk down the aisle etc. She wants to elope with just him and her and also have a traditional wedding from her country. He's completely cool with doing things how she wants it.
But Jay's mom, Amanda, wants the typical wedding. Mel conceded that she was okay with having an additional third wedding where Amanda could do all the planning and Mel would veto anything she didn't like. Cost-wise, it's no issue because the other two weddings are essentially free.
The problem started when Amanda was showing Mel the bridesmaid list. There were going to be 7 bridesmaids, and one of them was Jay's cousin Leti (27F). Leti has been nothing but rude to Mel since the day they met. She constantly makes little digs at her, talks sh%t about her, and overall makes it clear that she does not like her.
So Mel immediately vetoed it. Leti was in the room sitting with them during the veto and threw a fit, talking about how Mel is always rude to her. I can vouch for Mel and say that she never chooses to interact with Leti in any way shape/form.
What she does do is whenever Leti makes a snide comment, she makes a direct comment back in response. So to an outsider, it might seem like Mel is being hostile but to everyone in the family, it's a roll-your-eyes moment where we know Leti is the ahole, and Mel just isn't taking it.
Leti tried to claim that Mel has been holding a grudge based on the first week of them meeting, but then Mel pulled out a video (that I sent her:/) of Leti talking sh$t about her just a couple of days ago.
In it, Leti's calling her a b and saying stuff like she's not even that pretty, etc). Amanda sees this and immediately starts minimizing it saying oh she didn't mean that and so on.
At this point, I think Mel has had enough because everyone in the family knows how Leti acts towards her, but they never take it seriously. They only slightly tell Leti off and are always trying to convince Mel to not take it to heart. So Mel says that she's sorry but the wedding is off.
She's still going to marry Jay in the other two originally planned ways, but she's not going to do Amanda's version anymore. She says this all nicely (as always) but Amanda is now crying, Leti's screaming at everyone, and other family members are saying that Mel should learn how to take a joke.
Days later, I said I was the one who sent Mel the video and now a couple of family members are mad at me for getting involved. Was I the ahole here? Leti won't talk to me because I'm a "snitch" but I don't even like her anyway. I'm just upset that I indirectly caused Amanda to be upset.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
beastofwordin said:
NTA, and Mel sounds awesome- you’ve picked the right side to be on. Trust me, this wedding was doomed from before it began, and you didn’t ruin anything. If anyone gives you trouble, remind them to take it up with Leti.
SomeKindofName42 said:
NTA. Granted, the title is slightly misleading, but in an unexpected twist/funny way. I love it that they’re still getting married on their terms without extra stuff they didn’t want anyway. It was the right thing to do to send Mel the video.
And it was the right thing to do to announce/acknowledge that you’re the one that sent it. Kudos for you for owning the fact you sent the video to Mel!
SnoopyisCute said:
NTA. That was very kind of you. Usually, family members don't get involved to protect the newcomer to the family from that kind of toxicity so kudos. I don't blame Mel. Who wants to "celebrate" around that monster and her enablers?
LawyerDad1981 said:
Mel certainly doesn't sound very "shy" to me. NTA.
slendermanismydad said:
Jay's mother is an ahole and absolutely none of this should have been entertained in the first place. This entire story is deranged. Seven bridesmaids for someone that doesn't want this wedding at all? A third freaking wedding? Why were you all going along with this? NTA but Amanda needs a reality check.
M312345 said:
NTA, Amanda deserves to be upset, she, along with everyone else in the family, is discounting Mel's feelings. Mel is unfortunately, going to have to put down the boundaries right away with this crew, cause they all sound awful, except for you who took the video evidence.
Also, can I just add how ballsy I feel it is that Amanda is demanding a traditional wedding when the bride and groom don't want that.? She sounds like a complete narcissist: like she knows the wedding is about the bride and groom and not her right?
Dana07620 said:
NTA. Why is it people like Amanda are never satisfied with getting what they asked for? Instead they push and push and push until they push too far.
Mel made an agreement with Amanda. Amanda can plan the wedding. Mel gets veto power. But then Amanda breaks the agreement. So...no wedding. Thanks for being there for Mel. Because it sounds like you're the only one. Because it's sure not Jay doing it.
Mel shouldn't have to handle Leti or Amanda. It's Jay's family. It's time he manned up, grew a spine and handled his own family. He should have been shutting Leti down this whole time. Honestly, were I Mel, I'd be reconsidering all the weddings just based on that. Who wants to marry a man who can't stand up to his own family when they insult his fiance? I wouldn't.