'AITA for not getting a wedding gift?' 'I’m not allowed to come to the wedding reception.'
"AITA for not getting a wedding gift?"
Quick background, it’s one my my closest friends getting married. I am happy for her, but I also feel hurt that I’m not allowed to come to the wedding reception. I will be in a different country and will be flying back the day of and possibly miss the ceremony, but be there for the reception. She said that her wedding planner says I can’t show up since there is a possibility that I’ll miss the ceremony.
I am on a cruise in Europe, and her wedding is on the last day of the cruise. By the time I get to the airport I will miss the first flight back, so I would have to take the later one, and the 2hr drive (1hr 45min usually want it takes) to get to where the ceremony and reception is, will make me a couple hours late.
She is one person I supported financially in the past, and she expects a great gift from me as she knows I have money, but I feel like she shut the door on me not making an exception or fighting to have me there.
I will flying back from the opposite corner of the earth and driving 2hrs to where it’s being held and she just brushed off the journey it will take me to get there for her. Her response was, “you’re gonna miss out." So I feel like I shouldn’t have to get her a gift of any sorts since it seems she doesn’t even want me there.
The other reason I feel like that, is she never let me meet any of her family, friends or anyone. I am male, and we used to hang out all the time (never dated or anything, as I had feelings for her but she didn’t). I don’t even think she ever mentioned me to anyone, and we are close friends for over three years.
The other male in our friend group got to meet all her friends and family, and always got mentioned to other, but with me it was different. I think she is embarrassed of me which is why she isn’t trying to get me to go, or allowing me to go.
I also currently live in a different city, so now we’re online friends, when she started dating her fiancé, which I met briefly once for 10 minutes in an airport. Every time I go back home, and ask to go to dinner or something with them, she makes lame excuses also. Which adds on to all this. So AITA for not wanting to give her a gift?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Comfortable-Sea-2454 said:
NTA - she is NOT your friend. "She said that her wedding planner says I can’t show up since there is a possibility that I’ll miss the ceremony." This is pure BS - if she wanted you there you would be able to attend whatever part of the celebrations you were able to.
"She is one person I supported financially in the past, and she expects a great gift from me as she knows I have money, but I feel like she shut the door on me not making an exception or fighting to have me there.
I will flying back from the opposite corner of the earth and driving 2hrs to where it’s being held and she just brushed off the journey it will take me to get there for her. Her response was, “you’re gonna miss out." You are told you can no longer attend so she's the one that is "gonna miss out on the great gift she is expecting" from you.
RMaua said:
NTA. Save your time and money and don't attend. This person is not your friend. Wedding planners do what the bride wants. Not the other way around. And if you feel obligated to acknowledge the wedding in some way, send the happy couple a card congratulating them. Miss Manners would require nothing more.
000-Hotaru_Tomoe said:
NTA and I'm sorry to tell you that you were used in the hope of having an expensive gift. There are better ways and better people out there to spend your time and money with.
Famous_Specialist_44 said:
Do you mean that she has told you you there is no invitation to the ceremony because you might be late, and that you also can't go to the reception? If so, NTA because you're not actually invited to the wedding. Are you sure she even likes you? You haven't really met her friends, family, or fiance. She just likes you for your generous gifts.
Forward_Nothing5979 said:
NTA. You sound like a loyal person. She sounds like a user unfortunately.
She doesn't care about you as a person, she cares what you can do for her. She takes your help easily. She never gives anything in return.
She refuses to acknowledge you even exist to anyone. You can't meet anyone she knows, you can't sit quietly at a distant table to eat while at her reception, you can't be at a restaurant with her and so on.
These are behaviors. This behavior shows consistently she doesn't care. No matter what she says her actions shows who she is and what she values. Don't get her a gift or any further help or even your time. Spend some time and cash on stuff just for you.
RampagingRoyrReckles said:
What makes you think you are friends? You mean nothing to her.
UPDATE:
This is my plan, is hold my ground, see if she reaches out about this wedding gift. If she does, I’ll push back with a lot of the responses yall posted saying that she made no effort to allow me there, and why would I get a gift to a wedding I’m not invited to and so on. I’m curious myself, hence why I’m gonna wait this out to see.