'My GF 'jokingly' asked if we could have a threesome with her best friend. AITA for being down?' + UPDATE
"My GF 'jokingly' asked if we could have a threesome with her best friend. AITA for being down?"
Last night before bed my gf (23F) asked me (23M) if I would be down for a threesome with her best friend since high school (24F). The two of us have been discussing expirimenting in the bedroom for a while.
Things haven't necessarily been stale, we just wanted to find some ways to mix things up. So, it wasn't entirely out of the blue. Now, I was definitely surprised she suggested her friend to be our third but they're so close I guess it made sense to me? Her friend and I aren't like best buddies or anything but it's not like we don't get along.
Anyway, I said yes. She just stared at me speechless...for a long time. Eventually she asked "Are you serious?" "Are YOU serious?" I responded. "No...I was kidding" she said. I thought it was funny for a moment, but I dared not laugh as it was clear she did NOT feel that way.
Without another word she got up and spent the night on the couch. I tried to call her back as she walked out but she said she'd talk to me in the morning. Well I decided I'd better let her sleep it off and we'd talk when she was ready. The talk that followed wasn't easy.
To sum up though, she's pissed at me because she thinks I wanna sleep with her friend and that I was just way too excited at the idea. I didn't see it that way. I thought it was a way to be explorative in our sex life with someone we're both already comfortable with. Is she reading too far into this or am I the AH?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
NTA Your gf was playing testing games.
She sucks.
Bro should have recognized the trap. But yeah, definitely NTA.
If you need to be on the lookout for traps, you're in the wrong relationship.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
I've never posted an update before so I hope I'm doing this properly, but with everything that's happened I wanted to let you all know. I read as many of the comments as I could and I do appreciate all the feedback. The general consensus that I saw was "she was testing you and you're an idiot" which I can accept tbh. Hindsight is 20/20 ig and I've learned my lesson.
We decided we would sit down and talk once we both got home from work last night and, armed with all that I had read, I was prepared to do so. Before that happened though, the aforementioned friend reached out to me while I was at work.
I was blown away to read her message which said "Hey I just felt I should tell you my girlfriends name was on FT with me when she asked you about a threesome. I was surprised by your response, but I wanted you to know that I'm interested."
Immediately I thought, this has to be a follow up test right? So, determined not to fall for that again, I screenshotted the message but didn't respond. When it came time to have our talk, I couldn't help but come right out of the gate confronting her with that message from her friend.
Saying things like "Why would you test me like this? Can you not trust me?" I was in a fury and not letting her get a word in when she finally cut me off and admitted that she was wrong to ask me about the threesome, but she had not told her friend to say anything to me. I didn't believe her so she let me go through her phone and make sure. There was nothing.
I still don't know how I can believe her or trust her. Messages aren't the only form of communication. Long story short, we broke up. I'm gonna be shaken about this for a while. So wild how a relationship I thought was healthy could blow up in my face so quickly but I guess that's how it is sometimes. Thanks for your help.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
So your ex, unbeknownst to you, had her friend on FT when she asked you that question? Yeah, there's absolutely no trust to be had after that. Thank the friend for letting you know about the FT and then be done with both of them.
Relationship tests like this are stupid and they will always be stupid.
The only thing relationship tests like this are good for is demonstrating that the person doing the testing is entirely too immature to be in a relationship in the first place.
"Relationship testing" will never not rub me the wrong way. It gives the same vibe as "pranks" where it's just inflicting suffering on someone.
THEY NEED TO SPICE UP THEIR SEX LIFE FIVE MONTHS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP??
Kiddies, if things are getting stale at the 5-month mark, maybe you are not a good match.
I feel like the two girls were probably having a heated conversation. Then drifted into that topic, and since she thought it was impossible she wanted her bf yo be the one to turn her down without noticing that's what he was doing.
But instead she was the odd one out, and since she was already being sneaky, didn't want to continue the conversation with him at that time because she still had the girl on FaceTime. And then was hurt over the entire situation that she orchestrated.
Oh to be young and dramatic again. Testing a boy, having emotional breakdowns after manipulations and backstabbing. Ah, I remember high school. Weird that these teenagers are like young 20 somethings though.