'AITA for avoiding my GF's 12-y-old daughter because I'm exhausted and drained by her?' UPDATED

"AITA? I've started to avoid my GFs daughter"

My (29F) girlfriend Anne (34F) has a 12 y.o. daughter, Katie (names changed obviously). The father was not living with them since Katie was 1 y.o. He did harass them in courts, and has no visitation rights.

Me and Anne have been together for 8 months now (it's my first relationship, and she had a gf of 6 years, they split a year before we met). We love each other and I can see it getting serious, so Anne had told Katie about us, and she has been supportive overall.

Now, I like Katie, she's a sweet kid. Whenever I visit Anne, I try to make her feel included, talk to her about her day, bring her her favourite chocolate, the works. I also make sure to invite them both out sometimes.

Katie is usually a quiet kid, and because of all the courts in the young age and other issues (they are not very well off, though I'm helping them where I can now) she doesn't have any friends her age, and is extremely shy.

Katie spends all her time drawing (she's quite good at it, honestly) and dreams to become a graphic illustrator. Katie has a defined story she likes to draw and create stories of. It's about a all-powerful creature who can travel between realities. The creature is based off Katie.

Katie likes to tell the stories about these creatures to her mom, and likes to invent stories together. Anne tries to support her, but sometimes it's hard for her. So here's why I might be an asshole. One time when Anne was extremely worn out, I said to Katie 'hey, why don't we make a story together?'. She said okay, and we've talked for hours about skeletons, mythic creatures and dimension hopping.

I am a sci-fi fan and a writer, so creating stories is literally what I make money off. Katie absolutely loved it. Next time I came to Anne's, we've talked some more, and now every time I'm there, she wants to 'continue the story', and after three months of that, I'm at my limit.

I understand her, honestly, I was insufferable in my teens with my stories. So I don't mind continuing the story for half and hour or an hour. But she doesn't want an hour. It came to the point where I've began to dread coming to their house. Don't get me wrong, I love Anne to bits, and I like Katie, but I just can't do this anymore.

It's like I would come to them after work, drained as is, and then there's this story a lonely kid lives to tell, and it's either I drain myself telling it, or make her extremely sad.

Recently, I began asking Anne to go to my place more often, or ask her out and kiss her goodbye without visiting. What's bothering me, it's that I offered willingly and now I'm sorta taking the offer back? She has no one else to talk about them, too. So tell me, AITA?

TL;DR: Offered my girlfriend's daughter to talk about her stories. Now she wants to do it all the time, and I honestly don't.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Kebar8 said:

Slight YTA. Only because rather than fixing the problem your idea is to avoid a 12 year old. C'mon you can do it! 'I'm feeling a bit tired today so we can spent 30 minutes on it then need to leave it for another night'......or set up a review session at the end of the week where she can present her progress......... Its okay to put in some boundaries I don't know like a parent would......

OP responded:

Thank you. I know avoiding doesn't solve anything, and suspected i should talk to her, just needed a metaphorical motivational kick, I guess. I'm going to woman up, sit Anne and Katie down and talk about boundaries. Wish me luck)

SteelButterflye said:

NAH. Totally understandable situation. Sometimes when kids are enthralled with a concept, they just can't get over it and it excites them lol. I'm the same way with my own work.

But please try not to avoid her anymore. She may start thinking something is wrong. All you need to do is talk to her, and she will honestly respect and trust you more in the long run for it. Maybe tell her that you're tired and can only talk for a little bit, or perhaps introduce her to some programs or age appropriate forums for creative outlets. Do anything but stifle her ambition.

goblinfvck said:

A soft YTA, i get that this is draining and kids, especially one so isolated, struggle with boundaries. Talk about it with her and her mom. Set up boundaries, let her know that you care but its just a lot of energy. I get that it will be an uncomfortable conversation and she may react poorly but avoiding her will ultimately be far worse, especially if you intend to stick around

OP responded:

Thank you for the reply! I definitely plan to stick around, so I understand avoiding her will not solve the problem. She's a smart kid, so I'll try to talk with her as gently as possible, and explain the situation.

Me and Anne also are discussing therapy for Katie, but that one is tricky, as she is extremely afraid of therapists because if her history with courts. We are trying to find one she'll be able to trust, though.

Thrwforksandknives said:

NAH. Children can become very invested in certain things (shows, cartoons, comics, characters, etc...). To them it's normal, but to adults it can be quite annoying/even maddening. Katie is going through one of these phases. And to a lonely kid, maybe that's the only way she feels happy or otherwise normal. But I totally get you.

Adm_Hawthorne said:

INFO: Is the child on the Autism spectrum? That kind of hyper focus can be a part if being on the spectrum.

OP responded:

She's been through a lot of psych evaluations because of courts (father tried to take her), they haven't placed her on the spectrum (hope I formulated this correctly, not a native English speaker).

kindaherebutnotrealy said:

Very soft YTA, cause I understand your side completely. You have to talk to your GF and tell her how you feel. Then you guys decide what to do. FYI, She’s going to be offended, so be gentle and very kind. Good luck!

OP responded:

I've talked with Anne actually, and she understands, as she's been on the receiving end of it, too. She wants me to have a bond with Katie, but gets that three hours of stories non-stop can drain. I think (as someone in the thread suggested) enrolling her into art class can help her make friends her age who'll share her interests, and I'll always be there for her, too.

Especially when she finishes the story and will need some help with editing and publishing, here's where I totally can help her out.

I just want to have time for Anne, too.

She later shared this update:

Thank you everyone! Didn't expect this to blow up, and the responses were overwhelming and mostly really helpful. I accept the YTA judgement for avoiding her, and I'm gonna speak with Anne and Katie on Wednesday (w/ heads up to Anne), and set boundaries.

Story Friday with snacks and dimmed lights, and writing quests for the week. I'll also offer DnD as an option, and we're already planning enrolling her into art classes. Hopefully we'll be alright. I'll post an update on how it goes and thank you all once again.