Meeting the parents is a stressful milestone in any relationship. Being polite, funny, and honest are the three keys to making the first meeting successful. However, some people take the honest part a bit too far.
My husband (58 M) and I (56 F) recently met my son’s (24 M) girlfriend for the first time. Apparently, they’ve been dating for a year before he decided to have her meet us officially. He’s been crazy about her.
What he’s told us about her all seems great: she just got her degree, was enjoying her job, is family-oriented, etc. I’m honestly just glad he’s happy with her. My husband and I don’t think he’s ever been this into someone, so I feel bad about what I did.
Last weekend, he brought her over for dinner. By now, we’d been anticipating meeting her with how much our son had been gushing about how perfect she is, that she’s ‘the one’, in his words.
They ring the doorbell. We open the door. She looks exactly like her pictures, which is a great start. My son is grinning ear to ear - another great start. We invite them in. She accepts my hug and a firm handshake from my husband, and then she opens her mouth: 'I’m the one your son puts his penis in.' To be frank, I was appalled.
I expected my husband to laugh (he and my son are jokesters, and as annoying as it can be, I love it), but THIS was just too much for me. Maybe I’m reserved, but of all things, she could have shared about my son. She told us THAT. One look at my face and my husband knew how much I disapproved.
Maybe I let my expectations get too high, and it’s unfair to have them, but I reiterate: of all things to say to her boyfriend’s parents - whom she’d never met - she chose THAT? My son was initially amused, but his face dropped when he noticed my reaction.
I felt like he’d sold me the full package, everything he’d always wanted in a girlfriend. I was too disturbed by the visuals it put in my head, which translated into anger. I told her to get out, and I wanted to say more about how gross it made me feel, but I, fortunately, left it at that.
My son didn’t want to go, insisting I give her another chance, but I was too fed up and uncomfortable. Even my husband, who’s enjoyed his fair share of raunchy jokes, wouldn’t let up.
They left, and I immediately felt guilty. My son had looked forward to this, and I feel like I took that away over a dumb joke. I tried calling to apologize, but he hasn’t responded. My husband thinks she’s the one who should apologize. I’m considering giving her another chance, but was I the AH before I do?
The internet has some notes for the girlfriend.
NTA (Not the A**hole). I'm pretty liberal and open-minded, but FFS, I'd never lead with that meeting my BF's parents for the first time. Or say that, EVER. Like, seriously? You opened the door, and that's what flies out of her mouth?
Was she nervous? Did she seem embarrassed at all? Did she try to apologize? Is there anything that could explain her inappropriate outburst? You apologized. Wow. Hats off to you.
Neither of you can do anything to change what happened, and it's up to her to accept the apologies or not. Don't beat yourself up. If she is decent at all, she'll understand. If she's not, then maybe good riddance?
NTA. This just doesn’t sit right. You said your son was all big smiles and amusement when they arrived, and up until his son realized you weren’t all that impressed. You also said he jokes around like that with his dad. What are the chances it was your son's idea all along, and she just (regretfully) went along with it?
Because if that’s the case, you probably can’t get ahold of him because he’s doing damage control with his girlfriend, who’s now mortified and angry that his super funny joke gave you the worst impression of her that she could imagine.
NTA. I am the biggest jokester around. I love inappropriate jokes. I love making people cringe. But there's a time and place and reading the room.
I would NEVER do that as my first impression of my partner's parents. If into the evening we're all getting along, maybe we'll get there and laugh, but not as the first words out of her mouth.
Did you react well? No. Do I blame you? Nope. Did she even try to apologize before leaving? Like read the room, saw and heard you shooing her away, and did she go, 'OMG, I started this off poorly, and that joke was wholly inappropriate. I am SO sorry?'
OP, you should've reminded her of where her boyfriend came from.