'My GF threatened to breakup with me if I got a paternity test on our daughter. I got a court ordered paternity test. AITA?'
"My GF threatened to breakup with me if I got a paternity test on our daughter. I got a court ordered paternity test. AITA for not letting her backtrack?"
I (27M) and my now ex (24F) were together for 4 years. During our 1st year or so, I gained a significant amount of weight (about 50 lbs). I was already chubby when we started dating. She encouraged me to lose the weight give my family history of diabetes.
So, I workout and changed my diet and lost the weight over 10 months or so. About that same time, she got pregnant with our daughter. During the pregnancy, I kept up with my diet and exercise routine. I lost another almost 50 pounds.
During the pregnancy, my girlfriend seemed to feel some type of way about my diet and exercise. She wanted me to slow it down or relax my routine. I did not. First, I still had some weight I wanted to lose. But, also, I just felt so much better in my body through what I was doing.
After we had our daughter, our relationship started deteriorating. At first it was snide remarks, then it became insinuations about me flirting with co-workers (I am a nurse), and then it became full on accusations of cheating.
I was not cheating or doing anything of the sort. I suggested counseling. We did some sessions of couples counseling. The counselor made some suggestions on things we each could be doing better to communicate and support each other. But, my ex did not want to continue going.
The accusations became more constant. Also, my ex started doing things where she would leave the house go somewhere ((like the store, which was 10 minutes away), but she would be gone for 2-3 hours at a time.
I started thinking the accusations were projections. I confronted her and said I think she is projecting and that she is the one cheating. She would say, "I am not" and walk away with a smirk.
This went on for some months and I asked for a paternity test. She said if I got a paternity test on our daughter, our relationship was over. Her behavior did not change.
I got a recommendation for a lawyer and reached out about my situation. She said I could get a court mandated paternity test and that since my daughter was so young, I could still legally be no longer financially responsible for her if I am not the father. So, she filed an action on my behalf to figure out paternity. My ex broke up with me immediately and moved in with her sister and with our daughter.
After the court ordered the paternity test, my ex was very apologetic and said she was not cheating but that she was trying to make me think she was through her actions, so I would "know how it feels." She was willing to go to counseling. I told her I was not backing off. The test results came back, I am the father.
Afterwards, my ex has continued to say she is sorry and that she wants to work things out. I am moving forward with getting a court order on custody and child support. AITA for not taking her back?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA! Your ex was and is toxic. You should not ever consider staying with or getting back with her.
NTA. She was willing to fake cheating to get back at you. Bet she was full on cheating. Co parent via an app. And be there for your daughter.
She wanted you to "know how it feels"....
After constantly claiming you were cheating. 😂
Intelligent she is not.
NTA. She just didn't think you would go through with the paternity test if she put some pressure on you. Joke's on her. Now she gets to deal with the ultimatum SHE posed. And by her own admission, she wanted you to think she was cheating, so you wanting a test in the first place is her fault too.
Also, WTF is up with making you think she was cheating so you would know how it feels?? What does she gain from that? Maybe she thought you were when you weren't and wanted you to think the same. Which is just crazy. Keep her as your ex and good luck with your daughter.
I wonder if this was some sort of PPD. I have literally no knowledge about it, but read about it in a bunch of Reddit threads. Plenty of them mentioned that erratic or weird, or sometimes in extreme cases abusive behavior comes from it.
I would recommend this: go through the legal route about custody and all, but try to go on some therapy sessions with her. Try to find out why she was the way she was. Of course if that even sounds like an option for you. If you are done, then you are done. Update me.
NTA! Lots of things are unanswered where she needs to tell you what she was doing when she was gone for HOURS. And her getting defensive for a paternity test??? Something smells fishy here. Do not consider getting back with her.
NTA - It sounds like she was suffering from some pre-natal/postpartum issues. You certainly don’t need to stay in a relationship that you know longer want but counseling sounds like it might be a good idea so you can maintain a good coparenting relationship for your daughter.
NTA your ex is toxic. Please don't ever take her back. Also, make sure you guys have a good custody agreement. If she starts trying to keep the child from you, reach out to your lawyer. Also ask about a court ordered co parenting app. All contact thru that app only.