'My girlfriend won’t accept my parents’ gifted house as our home. AITA?'
"My girlfriend won’t accept my parents’ gifted house as our home. AITA?"
(24M) I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend (same age) for over 3 years. We have very similar dreams, career interests and used to be in the same batch during college.
As we both are currently working with decent pay, we're planning to settle soon. Initially, we agreed to live humbly and save the most of our income, till we buy a house. Having your own house is kind of compulsory thing before marriage. You can call it a tradition of our small country.
For context, we'll settle in the capital city, which is my hometown as well. Growing up, I realized I'm born in a well-to-do family, but never expected my parents to gift me a freaking 2,200 sq feet house on my 24th birthday, i.e. around 2 months ago.
They purchased the house a long time ago. Will purchase another one for my younger brother soon. Property taxes are very high, nobody buys a house as an investment here.
For my parents, isn't an investment, but an act of love. Now I understand, my parents spent less than their actual status during their peak times, just to give such a gift to me & my brother now.
Obviously, this "gift" significantly affects my financial status, expenses & goals. The money me & my girlfriend are saving since this long, can now be used for something else like travel or lifestyle instead. It's a massive financial advantage that young couples dream to have here.
But my girlfriend has a totally unexpected take. She still wants us to purchase our first home and says that she won't get that feeling from this gifted home, as the house came from my parents.
She's kind of insecure and thinks that it create power imbalance and will increase my power play in married life, which I tried to nullify by offering her the 50% equity of that house for FREE and even promised that I will never bring this thing in our future.
But she isn't satisfied at all and wants to continue saving for a new home. Yes, she's a person with high morals & self respect and I like this trait of hers. But it's getting frustrating to me, because now, I'm not determined at all to save for new home, as it makes absolutely no sense to me.
Recently, she has even started to point out "flaws" of that house, just to make me agree to her. Even though it's a perfectly planned house in a good locality. We wouldn't be able to buy such a house by ourself. My dad is an experienced player of this game, obviously he would've chosen the best deal for us. We both are being firm. AITA here?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Need to hear her side of the story. Are your parents generally this overbearing in your lives? She sees the future clearly that they will hold this over your heads to influence your choices.
All these people in the comments proving your girlfriend's point 😂😂😂
Either marry her so she feels security or just agree to continue to save and she can purchase her own home. Then you both have a home before marriage and then purchase one together. She needs to communicate that marriage is a goal.
It's ok that your parents bought you a home. It's ok she wants to save. It's ok f you no longer want to save for a home and then use money to travel. You're not married. If she continues tell her living separately is best.
NTA, she's not your wife, move to your house, be happy, travel, meet new people, maybe you'll meet the person you'll be married to soon. You must not feel guilty about anything here.
Your parents are being parents and helping you, there's nothing wrong with that, if your current partner has her priorities somewhere else, that's fine, but you shouldn't be burdened by them, why sacrifice yourself financially? Why lose such an opportunity? You're young, enjoy life, you won't get time back, ever.
Mild YTA. Your parents bought the house, which means it'll never truly be your home together. She won't be able to set boundaries because every disagreement risks guilt or leverage.
If they want you to host something and she says no, they'll remind her of 'the house we bought you.' If she ignores an unannounced visit, they'll just use their 'emergency key' to come in. She isn't refusing the house itself, she's refusing the baggage that comes with it.
NAH. Your stance is reasonable I feel like. Having such a life-changing thing happen, is great. I do understand your girlfriend's take here a bit too. Maybe she likes to have this special thing with you, rather than intervention by parents. Although I dont agree with her, I dont think she's the AH for that either.
Unfortunately her perspective makes some sense, the house is gifted to you. It is your home and should anything happen to your relationship then legally the house is 100% yours. It could be difficult for her to find stability in a place she doesn't at least partly own. While I see her perspective, I think you both clearly want different things.
For you it makes no sense to buy another house, for her it makes no sense to build a home where she will never feel equal. I would advise against gifting her half of the house, depending on your relationship she could maybe buy half but again the dynamic here could be too unbalanced for both of you to feel equal. NAH.
NAH. First of all, I totally understand it’s a dream come true, considering you have zero debt etc. however, I do get your gf’s side. She wanted to pick out her first home with you, not have it chosen for her. Plus, I can see why she might think it’s a power play on your parent’s end.
NTA If and only if you make the effort to ensure that your parents do not hold the power of this house over your girlfriend for the entirety of the relationship. This isn’t about the house, it’s about respect for your girlfriend.