'AITA for ghosting my friend after she sent inappropriate texts to my husband?' UPDATED

"AITA for staying silent?"

For some background: my husband (31) and I (26) have been together for 7 years now. We have our first baby on the way. We're thrilled. Now, we've had our issues, but have always worked them out. I'd say we're happy.

Anyways, years ago, before we started dating, a family friend kissed him, he stopped it, and that was that. I've never had an issue with this, since he never tried to hide it from me and it was before we were together.

However, throughout the years, it's become painfully obvious that she's still very much infatuated with him (husband and I have noticed and shrugged it off since she's mostly been okay about concerning herself with her own life, although it has been pretty cringey sometimes). Also, I started considering her my own friend - husband and I became close with her on again/ off again husband too.

Now, over a month ago, my husband and I were having issues (we've fixed them), but I stupidly made the mistake of confiding in this family friend - she came to me a lot recently too, so I thought we were bonding. I wish I hadn't told her anything, because I think it made her think she had an opening.

Last weekend, she messaged my husband, after I had gone to bed. He told me about what was said the morning after. Basically, she said she wished she could be with him, and that she needed him etc etc. She didn't want him to tell me, but I'm glad he did.

I don't think it's right that she overstepped the way she did. It feels incredibly inappropriate. She's tried messaging me like everything was normal, but I've been ignoring them - I have no desire to talk to her, and I don't think I should have to. My husband and I talked, and agree that there needs to be better boundaries from her, because he said he was uncomfortable with the way she spoke to him too.

Throughout the week, she caught on that I didn't want to speak with her, so she's been blowing up my husband's phone. He told her we needed space. And she gave us space - for one night. Tonight, she's been sending us both essays on how she's so sad that she's "losing her brother because of [my name]'s mood". At first I didn't say anything to her.

I said, "leave it and us alone", and muted the conversation. She's had her ex husband message my husband, she's saying she's crying about having to explain to her mom and (my) husband's mom that they're losing a friendship over my bs.

I admit, I despise her now. But we asked for space. I didn't think this woman who's almost 30 needed to be acting like she's 15. I feel like she's getting high on her own drama. Should I have messaged her back? AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say, plus OP's responses:

welptheheck said:

Nta. Just openly tell her you and your husband speak about everything and het advances weren't welcome. Also send her texts to your mothers. You are in this trouble because you don't speak up for yourself and telling someone you knew wanted your husband about maritial troubles. You really need to learn when and with whom to be open.

OP responded:

Yeah, I definitely effed up by trusting her at all. I thought she was getting over him since she'd gotten pregnant by some other guy on purpose. I think my husband is going to talk to her in the morning. He's pretty sick of this.

Nihilistic_wizard said:

NTA this so called friend made a play for your husband and its backfired on her, she's lucky you're only ignoring her instead of publicly shaming her for this treachery.

OP responded:

I'd love to shame her. But that feels so high school. She posts her about her problems all over Facebook, but that feels kind of counter productive imo.

Nihilistic_wizard responded:

She's says she's crying because of YOUR bs, this woman thinks you being upset with her trying to sleep with your husband is bs, she's completely shameless and I would let your parents and close friends know exactly what she has done because she will definitely be telling some alternative stories where she is the victim, I would then block her from any means of contacting you and your husband.

OP said:

She deserves to be sad imo. She's causing drama and I'm tired if it and of her. But I can't fall asleep when I'm stressed. Almost 6am where I am :(

AnarchyAcid said:

You need to end this with her now. She has no place in your life, out, done, you and your husband need to lay down the law, and never allow contact with her again. If she has a friend or family member contact you on her behalf, explain she made a pass at your husband which left you both uncomfortable.

It was beyond hurtful and disgusting to go after a married man, and you’d rather not hear about her again, and you’d hate to have her come between you and their relationship. Make a BIG deal of it, because it’s a BIG deal. Don’t allow anyone to come between you two unless one of you has announced the marriage is over.

OP responded:

I'm dreading the fallout, but so looking forward to the drama being over. This all just feels so high school. It's astounding to me that an adult is being so pathetically desperate for my husband.

hbdabbins said:

NTA about messaging her but you needed to have been much clearer about your message. You and your husband need to speak to this woman together and tell her he isn't interested in her and neither of you want to be her friend anymore because of her complete lack of respect for both of your feelings and your marriage.

If you dont make it absolutely clear to her that this is a joint decision, she will continue trying to play the victim and painting you as the villain in her love story with your husband.

OP responded:

She does have a victim complex, for sure. I feel so stupid for not seeing it before. In her recent messages, she keeps going on about how she's done nothing wrong. I feel like it helps that my husband is the one who told her we needed space. Idk.

Vandalfan2012 said:

NTA - Being upset that a close friend made a play for your husband is not a "mood."

OP responded:

It seems she has this fantasy that all women hate her and all men want her. Even though her and I have been friends for years. I guess if I were a jealous wife, it'd play into her narrative.

zoeworley said:

NTA Obviously you are not the @$$hole I’m surprised you guys said space. If I was in that situation I would not tolerate her behavior what so ever. She used you and tried to get with YOUR husband.

And OP responded:

I'm hoping we never have to see or hear from her ever again after this. My husband already promised me we wouldn't visit her when we go down to visit her brother in the same town (once it's safe to be around people again).

Lizm3 said:

NTA. She sounds exhausting. She knew she was doing something wrong by sending those messages to your husband but she did it anyway. I wouldn't want to talk to her again either.

And OP responded:

I've never been a confrontational or jealous person. I'm sure she thinks I'm jealous of her - she's told us that all her friends wives and gfs had issues with her, and I stupidly gave her the benefit of the doubt. It's pretty clear to me now why her friendships with women suffer now.

She later shared this brief update:

She's completely muted for both of us. We may not be able to completely avoid her in family functions one day, but this helps.

Thank you, everyone. You've all given me a lot to think about in myself too. I appreciate all your comments and support. I'll try to reply to as many as I can. I think things are resolved enough for my husband and I that I'll finally be able to destress and fall asleep. We'll see though :p