'AITA for gifting a digital art photo of a couple and their pets for a destination wedding?'

"AITA for gifting a digital art photo of a couple and their pets for a destination wedding instead of giving money?"

I have my first destination wedding coming up of a close family member who has been there for me a lot throughout the years. I gave the gift (a digital art photo of the couple and their pets I got off Etsy) ahead of the wedding since it made sense not to travel with it, and today I got a phone call that my family member felt the gift was more of a house warming present/afterthought...

And that she felt I wasn’t as involved as her bridesmaids were during the whole wedding process (the Bach and bridal shower). I did not offer my services to help set up for either event given I am not in the wedding party and in my experience, that is typically wedding party duties.

At this point, between the flight, accommodations, and bach party I have spent over $2K. The framed gift itself costs nearly $100. I also lost my job back in May and have been living off my savings for the last 4 months and my family member knows this.

She mentioned that I still go out drinking with friends and that she feels I value going out and getting drinks instead of staying in and saving that money for a cash gift to cover my plate.

Should I give a cash gift on top of the photo gift even though I wasn’t planning on it? My family member made the point that the wedding is very small and I am one of very few family members attending, so although I am not in the wedding party, it was almost expected that I would contribute my services more to the events alongside the bridesmaids.

She also expressed frustration that people feel they don’t need to give a cash gift since the wedding is technically a vacation for them if they chose to attend. I apologized for making her feel bad during this process as that was never my intention. I’m just conflicted on what to do.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

IllustriousBowler259 said:

Pull out of this money-grubbing wedding and put whatever you can salvage to better use. Did you know that the bride's hotel suite and ceremony are probably comped because enough gullible guests are paying to attend this fiasco? You can't afford it. and the bride isn't appreciative. NTA.

ComprehensiveSet927 said:

NTA. Your personalized gift sounds adorable! Shame on her. Do not give her anything else - money or free labor.

pumpkinbubbles said:

NTA. Do not spend one more dollar on this ungrateful couple or another second listening to the relative money grubbing on their behalf. Go on the vacation that you've paid for and enjoy yourself as much as possible.

Embarrassed-Row-2025 said:

NTA...Don't really get the whole destination wedding thing... lots of things it's not, like a group vacation (or heck much of a vacation at all). But one thing it universally is - expensive.

julet1815 said:

NTA I hope all your tickets are refundable, save your money and don’t give another dime to this ungrateful person.

zaleli said:

NTA. You gave them a lovely gift. Destination weddings are selfish in nature, it's a big ask to expect people to spend thousands to attend a wedding. Your bride is even more so.