'AITA for gifting my sister the book 'I'm Glad My Mom Died' at family Christmas?'
"AITA for gifting my sister the book, I'm Glad My Mom Died at family Christmas?"
For context, I'm (28f) the middle of 3 children but the eldest daughter. I'm the only one no contact with our (alive) mother who is a straight up narcissist. She was incredibly cruel towards me and my siblings, but arguably I got the worst of it, hence the no contact as an adult.
I won't go into a ton of details, but my brother (30m) is close with her and my sister (20f) has made it clear she only still talks to our mother because she is still financially dependent. My sister and I frequently send each other memes about bad moms and have developed kind of a dark sense of humor about it.
Anyway, a memoir came out a few years back called "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jeanette McCurdy. I'm not trying to be free advertising, but it's really well written and helped me heal a lot. Basically it's about a child actress with a narcissistic mother, telling her story and bluntly stating how much better off she is now that her mother is dead.
After I finished reading it, I asked my sister if she's heard of the book and she said it's on her list. Since Christmas was around the corner and we were spending it with our dad (divorced from our mother) and brother, I mentioned it would be funny to gift it to her at christmas since our mother won't be there and we all (with the exception of our brother) kind of hate our mother.
My sister said that would be hilarious, and I took that as the green light. Christmas comes around, it's me and my husband, my dad, sister, brother, sister-in-law, and a few cousins. Things are going ok, and during the gift exchange my sister opens the book and puts it in her stack without making a deal out of it. No one really notices it, or so I think.
Now, I knew that my brother and my mother are close, but I didnt think he would be stupid enough to tell her about an offensive joke at her expense, especially because she is quite known for her explosive temper.
I was wrong. After we all left, apparently my brother told our mother about my gift to my sister. My mother of course lost her mind. She chewed my father out for "allowing such a horrible thing to happen", not standing up for her, and took the gift as me directly threatening her. My sister, understandably, played dumb and threw me under the bus saying she had no idea about my plan.
I do feel bad that this resulted in my dad and sister getting chewed out, but AITAH?
P.S. yes I am in therapy lol
This is what people had to say to OP:
slendermanismydad said:
Why didn't your dad just hang up? His kids are all adults, he doesn't need to deal with her. Why would her ex husband stand up for her?
OP responded:
To his credit, he did brush her off. My dad didnt know of the plan beforehand and didnt even see the book being gifted. Apparently he told her to kick rocks when she came at him for it and I didn't even know he got chewed out for it until about 6 months later, but he definitely thinks I'm kind of an asshole for it.
BananaLemonLime said:
Nta. I have a great relationship with my mother and I also read the memoir… the two are not mutually exclusive.
WifeofBath1984 said:
NTA the book isn't about your mom, its about Jeannette's mom. And it is a interesting yet devastating read. You have a really good excuse here. You say it wasn't about her, that the book is written by someone you grew up watching on iCarly, hence you and your sister's interest in the book. That just happens to be the title of the book. It doesn't necessarily convey your own feelings.
emjkr said:
NTA
But your brother really is.
OP responded:
He and I are also no-contact right now, but not because of this incident. He told my mother about my pregnancy (after he looked me in the eye and promised he wouldn't) and also kicked my dog. Thankfully my in-laws are somewhat normal so I have my husband's family to fall back on.