'GF threw away the dinner I cooked because she wanted pizza instead. AITA for my reaction?' UPDATED

"Girlfriend threw away the dinner I cooked because she wanted pizza instead. AITA for my reaction?"

Girlfriend texted me earlier. I'm too tired and frustrated to even respond. I was trying to do something nice for her and surprise her with something she said she really liked but apparently she wasn't in the mood for it. I feel pretty much tired of trying in general. I guess I didn't really ask her what she wanted tonight for dinner but I still feel pretty angry.

Transcript

GF: Hey when is your break. Can you pick up a pizza so I have something to eat tonight

OP: No babe I made the wine braised short ribs you said last night were your favorite I got up early to cook them. You just have to pull them from the pot. There's that and the small smores cakes I made for Wednesday since there's extra and I figured you'd want some.

GF: I don't really want that though. Can you just grab a pizza on your break? We can eat that stuff later

OP: No I'm locked in for the night. Whats wrong with the short ribs? You literally just told me it was your favorite thing so I made it special for you. Kind of sucks...

GF: Well I tried it and it came out kind of gross anyway so i'm tossing it. Can you ask to leave for a bit and stop by a Papa Johns or something? I just want stuffed crust

OP: What do you mean gross? You tossed it? As in like threw it away?

GF: Its just tasted bad I dont know what to tell you it wasn't eatable. Its not a big deal I just need to eat something tonight for dinner tho. Did you ask?

OP: Dude wtf that was expensive meat...why would you throw it away?? I already told you I'm not leaving work.

GF: Well I don't know what you expect me to do. Its simple as fuck. Just order a pizza then if your busy

GF: Like I have to eat something

GF: Hello? Places are closing soon

OP: I'm busy at work. I don't want to talk about it right now. Please figure it out we'll talk later. Unread

GF: Seriously your gonna be this much of an AH over this

GF: I didn't ask you to cook anything

GF: if you can't deal with the basics of being a supportive partner then it should be something I consider and find someone who will support me.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

PotatoesinCakewhynot wrote:

You really shouldn't be dating a teenager. I can't comprehend this person being an adult. Sarcasm aside, get the hell out of this relationship. You want to spend the next forty years or whatever with someone who throws homemade meals in the garbage, demands pizza from a chain restaurant, and is seemingly incapable of ordering delivery herself?

And is rude as f to you? Dude. There are so many red flags in this exchange that you could open up an Etsy store selling used red flags and become a multi-millionaire.

OP responded:

Not sure why I cant edit to add more information on mobile but I'm borrowing the top comment to answer some questions:

She lost her card last week while hanging out with some friends and had to cancel her accounts. She's using mine until her new one comes in the mail.

I have not gotten to eat any of the prepared food.

Cooking is my love language. I think I mostly just feel heartbroken at this point and thats why I've decided to just finish work tonight and talk to her in the morning about it.

Edit: Just a quick follow up. My shift just ended. I'm going to probably go home and pack some stuff and stay with a friend. She won't be up for a bit and I don't really feel like sleeping in the same house. Will update after I talk to her later though.

ponpaku wrote:

She is being very disrespectful of you especially if you spent time especially cooking food for her. she wasn't at all appreciative of even the thought of it, which is a red flag.

The comments in the last image were especially disrespectful, and the comment about finding someone else warrants considering leaving the relationship. You don't make statements like that to your partner if you care about them, especially if its over not getting food.

CuriousHaven wrote:

Toss the girlfriend. Look at that last message she sent you. Her goal was to make you feel like s#$t, paired with a threat to break up if you don't jump to obey her every whim. She's just going to repeat and escalate that behavior every time you two disagree or you try to hold her accountable. She doesn't respect you at all.

OK_Nose_2206 wrote:

Doesn’t show appreciation for you getting up early to make her something that she likes.

Throws away something you could have eaten just because she didn’t care for it.

Apparently incapable of solving her own problems.

Threatens you if you don’t solve her problems for her. Swears at you in your exchange.

Thinks a “supportive partner” is someone who caters to her WANTS…not even her needs…and expects you to do so even when you are at work. I could go on…but do I need to? PS I’m a woman and I am telling you to run. This ungrateful, emotionally immature person needs a reality check. You deserve better.

The next day, OP shared an update.

After spending the morning at a friends house I went ahead and just went back to our apartment. I haven't really slept honestly with how anxious ive been to just go and get the conversation so I'm exhausted.

Basically I went back to the apartment. She was there scrolling on her phone. I went ahead and just came out with it and explained to her that I can't keep trying to make things work with someone who doesn't care about what I do for them.

She started to cry and tell me it's just the way her brain works and its not her fault. She says she's trying in her therapy and that she feels like she doesn't deserve to be loved. I more or less followed up and explained to her I can't be the one to keep dealing with her when she treats me like garbage.

She basically got angry as hell at this point and told me I never cared and I never really tried or I wouldn't just leave over something so stupid. She broke a glass I kept from growing up that was sitting on our counter by throwing it on the ground at which point I just stopped talking. I spent an hour with her yelling and begging me back and forth while I grabbed things I have that are valuable.

I'm just going to disappear for a bit at my friends. I need to figure out what to do about the rent and stuff since we have a month until renewal. I know its not really all that crazy of an update and its just the way it should have played out but I wanted to just get in and out and be done after thinking about it and being ready to move on from being unhappy.

I appreciate everyone's comments and to the people who reached out. Ill be honest I feel like I've wasted a ton of my life trying to help a broken person and its just equal parts depressing while also a feeling of being empty and tired. I'm going to try my best to make things better in my life and only give people who appreciate me and the stuff that I do.

The comments kept coming.

Parking-bathroom9615 wrote:

Honestly, I’m incredibly proud of you for this. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. Get yourself a fun drink, watch a movie with your friend that you’re staying with, and just know your life will be better without that awful ex in your life.

This is not an excuse AT ALL for her, but the way she reacted genuinely makes me feel like she has some personality disorder. It just screams borderline personality disorder.

This reminds me so much of someone I dated YEARS ago who had this. I genuinely loved him, but leaving him was the best thing I could have done for myself. Not everyone who has this disorder is toxic, but it just sends me back to the days where when he felt rejected or abandoned by me he would mock me over anything any everything that he knew would hurt me most emotionally.

Newpops21 wrote:

Pay the rent and then tell the landlord you’re not renewing, and to talk to her about her own situation because you moved out. This way there’s no harm to your credit or any kind of bs to put up with.

The minute she threw something I would’ve been out. Grabbed my s#$t of value and just left. Start untangling any finances that are joint and leave. You deserve better. I suffer with feelings of not being deserving of love and support due to childhood trauma and I would never treat my wife like this and expect everything to be okay.

Mollelarssong wrote:

Classic. She used her therapy as a weapon against you trying to garner empathy and forgiveness, and when that doesn't play out she once again lashes out, proving it was all an act, and she is in fact not sorry for her behaviour and isn't learning jack shit in therapy. All manipulation.

Good for you OP, things will get better, sorry your valuable got destroyed in the process, it served its purpose by demonstrating how little consideration she has for you. GOAT glass, RIP. You've stayed true to yourself and trying to care for other people even when it fell short, be proud of that, and keep doing it, and you'll find someone who appreciates and reciprocate.

noopegoawaynope wrote:

“It’s just how my brain works!!” yeah okay. She thought that by tossing perfectly good food she could strong-arm you into ordering her a pizza. She’s not sorry she did it, she’s sorry her little plan didn’t work.

Sorry for what you went through, man.