'AITA if I give my SIL a move-out deadline even if she still doesn’t have a job?' UPDATED

"AITA if I give my SIL a move-out deadline even if she still doesn’t have a job?"

I (30F) live with my husband (32M), and a few months ago, his younger sister (24F) moved in with us. She was going through a rough patch, lost her job, broke up with her boyfriend, and didn’t have anywhere else to go. I agreed to let her stay temporarily, thinking she’d get back on her feet. But it’s been three months, and honestly? I feel like I’m living with a teenager who thinks she’s at the hotel.

She doesn’t help with any house chores. She leaves dirty dishes in the sink after eating, never wipes down counters, and hasn’t done laundry once. She eats and drinks whatever’s in the fridge, stuff I specifically buy for my kids or meal prep, and never replaces anything. She doesn’t contribute to bills, but she’s constantly ordering stuff online.

Clothes, skincare, and random packages arrive almost daily. She had a job interview last week and just didn’t go. Her brother asked her and she said she “wasn’t feeling it.” I was stunned. I’ve been biting my tongue for weeks, but that was the last straw. I told my husband we need to set a deadline for her to move out or start contributing. He said I was being harsh and that “she’s family” and “just needs time.”

But I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I didn’t sign up to be her maid, her chef, or her financial sponsor. WIBTA if I told her she needs to move out even if she still doesn’t have a job? I don’t want to be heartless, but I also don’t want to lose my sanity.

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what commenters had to say:

BoyAstroAstro said:

YNTA. I have a feeling that unless her parents are dead or in a home she doesn’t wanna stay with them because she knows they’ll make her get her shit together. Give her 60 days to move out. Warehouses are constantly hiring.

cc_bcc said:

You are being taken advantage of, and your Husband is enabling her. Idk why, thats insane. Look up residential laws in your state. You might have to formally evict her if she's lived there long enough to be considered a resident.

I'd get her out of the house asap. Shes taking away from you, your kids, and your marrige. Husband needs to grow a spine and take care of HIS family, you & kids come first. That's it.

RevenueOriginal9777 said:

Who’s doing her laundry? They need to stop. You have a husband issue.

And Loose-Zebra435 said:

NTA. You did your time. Now she should go stay with her parents. They can deal with her.

She should always have been contributing to the household in regard to cleaning. If she has money to waste, she should have been buying at least all of her own things like groceries. She cannot be turning down interviews unless it's actually a crack den. Time for her parents, who hopefully have some authority, to straighten her out.

Two days later, she shared this update:

Hi again. I posted recently about my sister-in-law (24F) living with us and how it was starting to feel less like helping family and more like being taken advantage of. First, I want to say thank you. The comments, advice, and support I got were incredible. You helped me feel less alone and reminded me that setting boundaries doesn’t make me cruel it makes me sane.

Here’s what happened next. After her missed job interview and another week of zero effort, I sat down with my husband and told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I said I was done tiptoeing around her feelings while our home turned into a stress zone. I told him we needed to give her a firm deadline to move out job or no job. He pushed back at first.

Said she “just needs time” and that “she’s family.” But I reminded him that we’re a family too and our kids deserve a peaceful, functional home. I told him I wasn’t willing to sacrifice our mental health for someone who won’t even wash a dish. So me and my husband talked to her and gave her a deadline: six weeks to find a job, contribute, or find another place to stay.

We offered to help her look for work, even suggested affordable housing options. But the deadline is firm. She wasn’t thrilled. She said I was “kicking her out” and that I “don’t understand how hard things are.” I told her I do understand but I also know that healing doesn’t happen while you’re living in someone else’s house, doing nothing, and expecting everything.

Since then, she’s been sulky but slightly more active. She did a load of laundry (a miracle), and she’s been quieter. She also started to look for a job. Thank you again to everyone who reminded me that boundaries aren’t cruelty they’re clarity. I’m learning that protecting my peace doesn’t make me heartless. It makes me a better mom, partner, and person.