'AITA for giving away Easter baskets to hundreds of kids and not my own niece or nephew?' UPDATED

"AITA for giving away Easter baskets to hundreds of kids and not my own niece or nephew?"

(27f) I’ve never been close to my sister, Emma (32f) She’d always insult or criticize me whenever she got the chance and we both resented each other growing up. She semi-apologized for this as an adult, but we still don’t have a relationship.

She also lives completely across the state with her husband and two kids; Ruby (8f) and James (6m) I’ve only met my niece and nephew in person twice and I don’t keep up with their lives.

Every year, a dozen friends and I will all get together for an Easter-Basket-making party. We all chip in and bring supplies to make about 300+ mini Easter baskets for less fortunate kids. They’re given to a local domestic violence shelter and to the local children’s hospital.

My parent friends also bring their children to be the “Easter Bunny’s Helpers” and follow his “special instructions” (Each basket needs five plastic eggs with fun-sized candy inside, one king-sized candy bar, one snack, and one activity (like a coloring book.)) They also get to make one for themselves.

The older ones find it corny, but they all enjoy designing/customizing the baskets and are proud to do a good thing. There are also food and games at these parties, so everyone has a good time.

Last Monday, Emma texted me out of the blue asking, “I saw Gina’s post about the baskets. (Gina made a Facebook post about the baskets her son designed and about supporting the community.) When will Ruby and James be getting theirs?” I wasn’t even sure how Emma knew Gina. I responded back that the baskets were meant for the kids whose parents couldn’t afford them.

Emma got mad and texted back how she’s “struggling financially” and “you know we don’t make a lot of money!” Her husband is an insurance broker and Emma works part-time as a receptionist. They also don’t have any outstanding medical bills or anything like that.

They aren’t rich but they can certainly afford to buy their own easter baskets. I asked why she would expect me to donate easter baskets to two kids who I don’t even know and more importantly who have families that can provide them with baskets already.

Now Emma’s finding any posts about the party and leaving passive-aggressive comments like, “If only Ruby and James could have had one too!” and “It’s too bad Ruby and James didn’t have a more attentive auntie.”

My aunt is calling me selfish because I could “easily afford two more baskets with my salary.” My mother has also contacted me saying she’s disappointed in me for “Allowing my pettiness to hurt Ruby and James’ holiday.” Which all either have nothing to do with it or are beyond the point.

I feel that I shouldn’t take away those baskets from less fortunate kids to give to ones whose parents can actually afford their own. IDK if I’m somehow dense or being an AH since they are my niece and nephew. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Infamous-Ad8962 said:

NTA NTA NTA. What is wrong with all those entitled people? So jealous, so pettty... And the family pressure is just the cherry on the top. You are doing a great thing for your community and people should be proud of you!

Your sister is a giant AH and I feel bad for her kids but it is better to not give them/her anything or you will never see the end of it. She will harass you for more gifts and money over time. Your aunt and mother should just send her Easter baskets themselves if they didn't already.

Strawberry-Jamboree said:

NTA. So you're family to Emma when she wants/needs something, but she doesn't seem to care about you otherwise? That's not how a functioning/healthy family works. She, your mother, and your aunt are seriously entitled to think you need to provide her kids with holiday gifts. Also selfish to those children whose families can't afford baskets.

cattripper said:

NTA. The whole point of you and your friends doing this is to give to children who are less fortunate (which I personally think is fantastic and very thoughtful). Your niece and nephew (whom you don’t even see) don’t fit the specific categories of children that you and your friends are making these baskets for.

If your mother, aunt and sister are so concerned that your niece and nephew didn’t get enough for Easter. Then why don’t they all pitch in and take care of that?

And Puppycow said:

NTA. This is so ridiculous. You did nothing wrong, whatsoever. Anyone siding with your petty sister on this is an @$$hole.

She later shared this update:

I thought I should provide an update on the situation; Emma had fed our mother and aunt an altered story. She had told them how I was just making Easter Baskets for my friends’ kids and refused to give Ruby or James one. My mother had no idea they were charity baskets and she scolded Emma over the phone saying that she should be ashamed of herself.

Our aunt said she still didn’t get why “you couldn’t just set aside two for your own niece and nephew?” It turns out both kids already had Easter Baskets, but my Aunt still argued how Ruby and James were still being “excluded.” Luckily, my aunt seems to have moved past it.

As for the Facebook issue, I was seriously tempted to use one of the petty responses you guys suggested in the comments. But I realize it would validate Emma’s drama and fuel her fire, which is exactly what she would want. I sent her a private message. (almost all of her passive-aggressive comments had been deleted/reported as spam.)

I told her, “Emma, these Easter Baskets are intended for less fortunate children. They are sent to [Domestic Violence Shelter] and [Children’s Hospital.] The children in these facilities have no control over the circumstances that brought them there. The families of the children staying there cannot afford to provide them with the same gifts that Ruby and James have the privilege of taking for granted.

I apologize if you felt excluded. You are welcome to join next year's party. However, if you are willing to take an Easter Basket from a homeless/sick child in order for Ruby and James to have a freebie, you need to take a good look at yourself and what kind of example you’re leading.

Emma got mad again, she said how "I'm not driving four hours for some damn basket!" Then she started ranting about her and her husband’s “financial struggles!” I replied back that “From what I understand, your annual income is approximately [Middle-Class Income] I also saw your recent posts about your week-long girl’s retreat to Coachella and your Spring Break vacation at the Hawaiian Aulani resort.

These vacations indicate to me that you are not “struggling.” Emma got even angrier, so I finally responded back explaining that I want to have a good relationship with her and her children, but that can’t happen unless she is willing to act mature and put the drama aside.

Emma started hurling insults at me, so now she is blocked. It has been two days since she has been blocked, yet I already feel like there’s a weight that’s been lifted off my shoulders. On that note, I would like to thank everyone for the kind words and advice. You helped me realize that stepping back and putting my foot down doesn't make me a bad sister.