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Mom tells daughter why her college fund is gone. 'You caused my divorce, you pay for it.' AITA?

Mom tells daughter why her college fund is gone. 'You caused my divorce, you pay for it.' AITA?


"AITA for giving my daughter a breakdown of what it cost to raise her when she asked me for her university funds?"


My daughter Ava was a handful growing up. Her dad passed away when she was 5 and even with therapy she was a very angry child. I still love her very much. She is my daughter and I would do anything for her that I can.

Her dad didn't have a lot of insurance but enough to pay off a small house and set aside an emergency fund and top up my daughter's 529 education fund. I kept adding to it over the years.

Not much but as I could. When she was 11 years old, I met and married my husband. I thought Ava was okay with it. She never brought up any problems to me or in our therapy sessions.

She was not. When she was 13 years old, she accused him of something inappropriate. I called the cops immediately. He was arrested and he lost his job. He was innocent. She did it to get rid of him.

We divorced. I was obviously heartbroken. I did my best not to take it out on her. I did punish her. She started acting out. She got expelled from her school. Then another. I ended up having to send her to a private school. Even with a voucher, it was expensive. It worked though. She is graduating this year with honors and a scholarship.

She asked me about the money in her account. I said it was all gone. She got very upset because her scholarship won't cover all costs. Even with financial aid, she will still be paying a fair amount.

I said I would cosign a student loan for what she needs. She said that she wanted to know where the money went that I wasted. So I got out a pen and paper and wrote it all down. The cost of my divorce. The rising cost of living that I paid for by myself since I didn't have a partner. Her tuition and fees for private school.

By the end she was crying and saying that I was blaming her for everything. I never have. I did punish her for the trouble she caused with my ex but I think that was reasonable. She is upset that she will have to take out a loan.

I also made it very clear that I would not be responsible for paying it back. She thinks I'm being cruel by saying that she is responsible for stupid things she did as a child. I'm not. But I cannot pull the money I had to spend because of her out of my butt.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


if you co-sign for a loan- you could end up being responsible for paying it back.


THIS -- cosigning means you put your credit history on the line to help her get approved for the loans, and in the event she defaults, YOU become responsible. DO NOT DO THIS if you do not intend to ensure she can make her payments.


"I said I would cosign a student loan" AND "I also made it very clear that I would not be responsible for paying it back."

This a non sequitur. Do not cosign a loan or you will be paying it back when she defaults.


Reddit rule #1: Never ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to. It's not you blaming her; it's the reality of the situation. She's going to have to learn how to deal with it, and I doubt it will be easy. One tip though is state/local/public college. The cost is orders of magnitude lower than some private schools, and the education is pretty much the same.


The fact that OP apparently bought a house, got married, then divorced, yet still doesn’t understand what co-signed means makes me think this is just a karma farming story. Come on.


If you cosign a loan, then yes, you will be paying it back if she doesn't. You did what you had to, she dealt with what she dealt with. This isn't some punishment, it's where you're at, which she helped cause.

You both are dealing with it. And yep, her education is her problem. I'm still paying for MY loans. I got my kids covered on food and rent, but I can't afford their tuition. Get scholarships. Get a job. Do tasks on campus to save money. She has options.


your daughter is a manipulative ah. Does she have any remorse for what she did to your husband? Don’t co-sign a loan or she’s gonna tank your credit and you’ll still get stuck paying it off.


No judgment here at all, but if she seemed ok then suddenly wasn't and claimed he did something, why would she do that. The behavior after really sounds a lot like something happened to her somewhere, being expelled and similar. Have you actually sat down and talked with her about why this happened? had counseling of sorts? therapy?


I think it was pretty clear in the last post that you're NTA for most of it. In some peoples eyes not actively telling her that her college fund was being diverted to her private school tuition makes you the ah but that's the minority. Some people will raise pitchforks saying you should have told her, but most would agree that its a grey area. Shizzz is furrrkkkedddd.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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