"AITA for giving my daughter her Christmas present early?"
My husband (28M) and I (28F) have a 20 month old toddler. We have a second baby on the way who is due between Thanksgiving and Christmas. For some context, my daughter is still too young to understand what Christmas is, what Santa is, etc.
For Christmas this year, I got my daughter a Toniebox which is basically like a kid friendly CD player except instead of putting in different CDs, they have characters that they put on top and then the box plays a track of like 10-20 things (some stories, some songs, etc) related to the character.
My husband had basically no input in this and wasn’t interested in picking out any of the characters or the color of the box, etc. He said if I thought our daughter would like it then to get it. He is most likely going to go out sometime right before Christmas and pick out some gifts for her himself (no idea if they will be from “Santa” or from him, but again, it doesn’t really matter because our daughter is clueless).
I was talking to my mom and was telling her about it, and in the conversation, I mentioned that I was kind of disappointed bc with the new baby, I don’t think I’ll really get to enjoy watching my daughter getting her gift since I will be preoccupied with the new baby and how I wish I could just give it to her early.
My mom said I should just give it to her early then since it doesn’t really matter and said she feels the same way, which is why she gets my daughter a small gift every few months, and will get her another small gift for Christmas.
I ended up taking out the Toniebox and letting my daughter pick one of the characters (saving the other 4 I picked out for Christmas). We use it pretty sparingly (maybe 1-2 times per week for half an hour and then it goes away so it can keep the novelty).
I haven’t told my husband that I’ve been giving it to her bc I know he would say I should have waited until Christmas and would be annoyed. I feel kind of guilty and like an ahole bc I’m purposely not telling him, but at the same time, it’s my gift to our daughter and it’s not like she isn’t going to get anything new (she will still get the other characters for the box from me, as well as the gifts from my husband).
Here's what people had to say to OP:
3-kids-no-money said:
I’m more concerned you don’t think you can enjoy the toddler because of a new baby. How exactly does a baby prevent you from watching your toddler open gifts?
interesting-mug said:
YTA, why are you lying? You know you can give your kid presents when it’s not Christmas, right? Just get another present for Christmas.
worldworn said:
YTA. You didn't want to miss out on your daughter opening it, so you went behind your husband's back and made sure he would miss out, on her opening it? I read the excuse about him not picking it, but that still feels very flat.
You could have said to your husband all of this , and asked if he make sure to have the baby for five minutes while she opens it. Or gave the present separately on Christmas when you did have five minutes.
LottaCheek said:
The reason YTA is because you are purposely keeping this from your husband, knowing he won’t be happy about it. Ask yourself how you would feel if he did something behind your back because he knew you wouldn’t approve?
Much better to be honest and tell him point blank - I’m giving this to her now because I want to enjoy her using it/receiving it, which I can’t do with a baby at Christmas. Then if he feels strongly about her opening something special at Christmas, it is up to him to get that item. You are setting a very bad precedent in your relationship.
Blooregard89 said:
YTA - wild idea, but you do know you can give a kid a toy or present without any occasion right? Just give it now and buy another small toy for Christmas. Problem solved, everybody happy.
saph_pearl said:
NTA, but there seems to be a communication issue here. You and your husband don’t seem like a team in this situation. Why are you buying separate gifts and not giving her gifts from both of you? Why is it easier to keep this a secret than to just tell him how you feel?