'AITA for giving my daughter the middle name my sister wanted for her future child?'

"AITA for Giving My Daughter the Middle Name My Sister Wanted for Her Future Child?"

So, I (28F) am a twin. My sister and I have shared everything our whole lives—birthdays, clothes, sometimes even friends. But apparently, that sharing had a hard stop when it came to baby names.

I recently gave birth to my daughter (yay!), and I decided to honor our grandma by using her name as my daughter’s middle name. Grandma meant the world to me, so it felt like a beautiful tribute. The issue? My twin sister.

Before I even officially decided on the name, I told my sister what I was thinking. Instead of being excited or supportive, she immediately yelled at me, saying she wanted that name for her future daughter’s middle name and that she didn’t want to be involved in my child’s life. Keep in mind—she’s not pregnant and doesn’t plan to have kids for at least three years.

Then, a week before my due date, she came over, begging and pleading with me not to use the name. She told me she was “done sharing” anything with me. I tried to frame it positively, saying it would be sweet if our future kids shared the same middle name, and that Grandma would love that connection. No luck.

Fast forward—I had my daughter last week and stuck to my plan. I gave her Grandma’s name as her middle name. Since then, my sister has completely cut me and my husband off. She blocked us on all social media and refuses to talk or see us.

Now I’m wondering—AITA for keeping the name despite her protests? I get that twins share everything, but this just feels unreasonable. It’s a name that means something special to me, and she might not even end up using it in the future.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Funny_Language_4754 said:

You brought it up first so it’s not like you had malicious intent. I also think you both could have used the name for middle names.

Efficient_Living_628 said:

The name isn’t the issue

humble-meercat said:

So I’m betting this isn’t really about the name and is about some kind of inadequacy she’s feeling about her life’s progress. If she’s behind you and feels weird about it. Or maybe she’s just really lost the plot over this… I don’t know but it’s some pretty strange behavior that’s for sure. Maybe she’s having some mental health issues you didn’t see because you’ve been busy being pregnant…?

Bfan72 said:

NTA. My cousin and I share a middle name and we love it. It’s something special that we share and I’m sad, because our other cousin doesn’t have it too.

Sardinesarethebest said:

NTA. Info: was there a lot of competition between you two growing up? I come from of a family where tons of people have the same middle or first name, named after the same person.

And OP responded:

Tbh.. not from my side, I feel like it was really nice having a best friend to do everything with growing up! We played all the same sports and had the same friends. Recently I think she’s been upset because I’ve had some major milestones and I think she feels like she’s falling behind. Example: I’ve graduated college, bought a house, got married and now I just had my first daughter.

Another note: my sister got really rude during my wedding and had issues with my family focusing on my events rather than her graduation even though our family put together a surprise celebration. I guess it wasn’t elaborate enough.

Something-bothersome said:

NAH. But what now? It comes down to whether it was worth the price I guess. Relationships are two sided and your twin has chosen to disengage. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you are an AH for giving your child her grandmother’s name but it won’t give you back your relationship with your twin sister or your child a relationship with her aunt.

I suggest you start taking her statements seriously about not wishing to share everything, perhaps she was not as comfortable with that as you were. People do not generally cut relationships with family lightly.

And OP responded:

My sister has always been like this, she did the same thing during my wedding when I refused to pay for her alterations for her bridesmaid dress. Given I had already paid for the bachelorette, all the girls dresses, and jewelry for my wedding.

They only had to pay for alterations if they wanted them (no one actually needed them, my sister just wanted to add a bra so she didn’t have to wear a strapless one) and makeup and hair if they wanted that as well, again totally optional and up to them.

After about 6 months of the silent treatment after my wedding she finally came around and we worked things out. I think this is just a habit of how she reacts to things if she doesn’t get her way.

Dastion said:

NTA. If you knew already she had wanted to use that name and wouldn’t like the idea of sharing it before you decided then I could see some slight AHness, but it sounds like she’s being selfish. Why does she think she has the right to use the name over you? If she had had a baby first couldn’t you, by her logic, do the exact same thing to her and it would be her in the “wrong”?

Also, it’s a middle name for crying out loud. My family actually has a common middle name they give the girls of the family - and even those that don’t have it tend to get it tacked on when they’re in trouble lol. Middle names aren’t a big deal and absolutely you both should honor your grandma.

And OP responded:

So she says she told me that she wanted to use that name but I can’t recall that conversation at all. I don’t think she actually did and instead she’s just telling me she did so that I’d feel bad.

I agree though, I feel like the middle name is more for the parents to honour someone they love not as much for others because I bet you more than half the people in my life don’t even know my middle name.