'AITA for giving my housemate a deadline to find a babysitter?'
"AITA for giving my housemate a deadline to find a babysitter?"
The last few months my husband (39M) and I (36F) took in a friend who needed a place to stay. That turned into us having him and his 2 year old. That was fine and dandy but I'm almost at the end of my pregnancy with a planning c-section here in November.
The doctors are scolding me for even lifting the 2 year old and told me that I 100% cannot be lifting on anything other than the newborn after the surgery. Plus I have been trying to be patient and understanding as our friend gets his life together.
But this has turned into me babysitting 6 out of the 7 days a week due to his work. So I have had next to no down time. I'm in constant pain (that of course is being written off by the doctor per normal. I have a high pain tolerance, so I'd hate to know the scale of pain I'm in for a normal person).
I wouldn't mind watching the 2 year old, but any advice I give seems to be thrown out the window. He feeds this kid sugary breakfast stuff all the time and I'm left with a fussy baby who wants more sugar and refuses to nap (talking chocolate milk, the little chocolate chip muffins, cookies, sugary cereals).
So I get to be the bad guy during the day and deal with scream fests because I refuse to give this kid more sweets. Regardless, I have told our housemate and my husband I refuse to look after a newborn and a 2 year old (if it was my child, by all means. But I already did that song and dance with my first two.
I didn't sign up for this 2 for one deal this time). I'm not trying to be mean or have the guy lose out on work time...but this is the last baby I plan to have and after everything that has happened this year and losing my mother back in June. I just want a break and to enjoy our new little one while they are little...
I've been so tired and stressed that I feel like I snap at every little thing. I can't tell if its the pregnancy or just the fact that I feel trapped with having to take care of someone else's kid while being hardly able to move. My husband works graveyard shift so he can't help with the 2 year old at all and I feel its unfair to ask my two kids to help all the time.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lmholot1981 said:
NTA. However, why were boundaries not set from the beginning? Why, and how, did this go from giving this guy a place to stay to you providing childcare six days a week? Someone was watching this kid before they moved in.
Sfb208 said:
NTA. Frankly you should be giving him his notice to vacate, not a deadline to find a babysitter.
positmatt said:
NTA and honestly it is about time for the friend to move on. He is either unwilling to deal with the issue, or just expects free childcare. Give them a deadline to find a new place to live.
No_Perspective_242 said:
You know you’re NTA. It’s one thing to take in a friend, it’s another to babysit 6 days a week. The best way to have this conversation is to give him a heads up. “Hey, I visited my doctor this week who put me on bedrest and told me no lifting whatsoever except the baby. So starting [A day or two in the future] I won’t be unable to babysit [child].
If it becomes an issue, leave the house the same time or slightly before the roommate leaves for work in the morning. That way he can’t use you. If he asks again, be a broken record. “No I’m sorry I cant contribute to your childcare needs. If this is an issue we might have to revisit the living arrangements.
SeamusMcKraaken said:
There's a chance he could qualify for public assistance with child care costs depending where you live and how much he makes. Yes, it's his responsibility to figure this out...
But if you printed off the application or had it ready on a screen for him to fill out online today, it might send the message home that he needs to get on board and make efforts to figure it out. NTA for setting a firm deadline. Don't let him pretend there was no warning.
Anon-User-5 said:
NTA - This is ridiculous and I feel frustrated for you because I don’t feel anything is going to change.