'AITA for agreeing and giving in to my steps son's every whim without a fight?'
"AITA for agreeing and giving in to my steps son's every whim without a fight?"
I am a forty five year old woman, and am currently in the middle of divorcing Jace (My forty seven years old husband) of 21 years. While fighting for custody of Lizzie (me and Jace's fifteen year old daughter.)
It all started three months ago when Justin (my twenty year old step son, Jace's son) showed up on our door step with all of his luggage smiling like he had a cure for cancer... which he didn't.
Instead he had the bright idea of dropping out of college even though he had only been attending classes for less than a month at that point. Immediately after hearing the news Jace burst into a speech about how he trusts that our son knows what hes doing and that he could stay in his old room.
Only to turn on me as soon as Justin left to bring his stuff upstairs, all humor left his face as he started to tell me that Justin's needed motherly advice and I need to stop him from ruining his life. As if he wasn't just telling him that he fully supported his decision. And this wasn't the first time he had done something like this either. Jace was always the fun parent.
He refused to tell either of the kids the word no, because he knew that I always would. Lizzie didn't want to do her homework, Jace was completely on her side telling her that it was me she had to convince. Justin got pulled over after driving recklessly, and I was the one grounding him, while his father helped him steal his keys back.
So when he told me I had to quote on quote, "Deal with him," I was already trying not to through something at him. But just like all the other times I bit my tongue and walked upstairs to his room.
He already had dirty clothes in a pile on the floor falling out of his dirty clothes basket. His drawers had other clothes messily thrown into them, only partly closed. But his PS5 was already set up and he was logging it back into the internet.
Knocking on the door I watched as he turned to me confused, as I awkwardly stood by his door trying to come up with a plan. But I had no idea what to tell him. So I just asked him what he planned on doing now that he wasn't going to college. And he told me that he didn't know yet. That he might use the money that me and Jace had saved up for his next semester on Italy or something.
As if we didn't have to take out massive loans just to get that money and the money that he had wasted on the semester he had just dropped. I tried to tell him that we were already behind on the loans for that money and if it wasn't going to go to college then I was going to use it to pay back the bank.
That's when he went off, He stood up throwing his remote on his bed before going on a long yelling spree about how all I cared about was money and image. That I didn't love him and that I wasn't his mother. I had no right to even talk to him.
At some point during his yelling Jace stormed into the room looking in between us confused. Because while nothing that Justin had been saying was new, Jace usually wasn't around to hear it.
He was usually at work. Especially whenever he wanted me to talk to either of the kids about anything he would suddenly remember a paper he forgot to do, or a client he needed to call.
But he had just witnessed his son called me a b-word and a gold digger, even though I was the one that made more money in out of me and his dad relationship. And all I wanted in that moment was for Jace to stand up for me once. Just one time.
But instead, Jace just shrugged at me, telling me how he wasn't lying and that I wasn't his mother. To which Justin jumped on with how I never support him and don't deserve to be part of his family. That was my breaking point.
I never supported him? Then why did I drive him a state over every Friday for three months so that he could continue to be in a band that he quit because he was 'too good' for them, or when I argued with the football couch for an hour so he wouldn't suspend him from the team for being on academic probation.
Only for him to quit, when he realized that he didn't like to be tackled. There were a thousand other examples. And it only made me realize he was right. I didn't deserve to be apart of his family.
I deserved better. So I just looked to Jace telling him I wanted a divorce and that Justin could do what ever he wanted because I wasn't his mother and I was going to stop acting like it. Was it in the heat of the moment yes, Did I regret it? Not at all.
I don't think that either of them knew what that entailed though, because, after going downstairs I immediately pack both me and Lizzie's bags, before canceling both Jace's and Justin's car insurance and phone plan.
I left a note on the door telling Jace not to forget to pay the bill as I was going to my sisters and it wasn't my job to pay his house bills anymore. Luckily for me when me and Jace got married we kept our financial stuff to ourselves just Venmoing each other money for bills every once in awhile.
At first, Jace had borrowed our neighbors phone to repay his bill, and started to leave multiple voicemails telling me to come home, how I was being irrational. And then after a few days I got a call from Justin.
I couldn't help but answer it wondering what he had to say to me now. But instead of an apology he just starts ranting about how Jace is freaking out and told him that he couldn't go to Europe because of the divorce and it would hurt my feelings. Then it Dawned on me that Jace was still using me as an excuse. So I simply told Justin that I completely supported his trip to Italy if his dad did.
Which got me even more voicemails from Jace. But I ignored them, keep them saved while my sister had made me an appointment with her old divorce lawyer. Though a week later when Justin called me again, I decided to answer again.
This time he told me that he decided that he didn't want to go to Italy because he would have to renew his passport and didn't want to wait that long so instead he had wanted to throw a congrats no more college, party at the house.
But his dad told him again that he had to talk to me because he didn't want to disturb me when I decided to come back home. So again I told him that I wasn't bothered by the party and as long as his dad agreed he could have the biggest party he wanted.
After a month of ignoring Jace's calls, my lawyer finally had the divorce papers drafted up. We had most of our finances separate so that was easy and he could have the house. We both already have our own cars.
The only thing that would really need discussing was about Lizzy. So after she had sent Jace the papers about the finances and stuff, and a time to meet to split anything else. I stayed low contact still, well with Jace at least.
At this point Justin was calling me almost every other day asking me about something that Jace was avoiding to answer. Yet he still hadn't told him no. He let him throw the party which ended quickly with the cops being called, and continued on to letting Justin buy a ferret, which neither of them can find.
Now we are still in the process of a divorced as Jace doesn't want to budge on him getting full custody of Lizzy even though that he knows that once we go to court about this I'm gonna win, especially with the parties, wild animals, and from what I heard, the yelling that has been happening over their.
So, AITA for still answering Justin's phone calls every few days he calls and telling him yes as long as his dad agrees? The last phone call he said that he was gonna start his own personal break room in the garage or basement and hadn't decided yet.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Best post I have read all year.
I have to agree. Best. Reddit. Ever. OP please update as soon as Jace comes to front to beg you to tell Justin ‘No’ or the first lawsuit after Justin turns the backyard into a skate park in his attempt to corner the market.
I'd present the case of the fact Step son was caught drink driving, you took the keys away and his dad helped steal them back. How can he condone his own son driving like that?!
That ferret probably ran away because it was safer. Love that your letting him live with the monster he created. Also at your daughter's age the court should take her opinion into account.
Healthy-Ant-6903 (OP)
trying to avoid the court thing as much as possible right now for Lizzie but with the way it's going, that's probably where we are going to end up.
Seems like you handled that alright to me. It's a parent's job to parent their kid, and they've both made it clear that isn't you. You deserve someone who's actually gonna take your side sometimes instead of always making you out to be the bad guy.