'AITA for giving my brother access to our parents' house even though they banned him?'
"AITA for giving my brother access to our parents' house even though they banned him? I have what I think is a good reason."
My parents had an emergency key to my house. I changed the locks after they used it to check in on me without calling first. Idiot bother telling them about the change. I have a key to their home so I can take care of it when they are away on vacation. I literally just grab their mail and water their plants. They have their lights on a timer so I don't even need to make it look like people are home.
My brother Daniel is, unfortunately, lost. He dropped out of college and works only long enough to earn money to travel. As soon as he has money for a trip he will bail and leave for months. Nothing wrong with that. Except for one slight problem. He sometimes chooses to not work for the money. He borrowed money from our grandparents for car repairs.
Then he moved to Peru for six months. He took some books from our uncle and sold them for several thousand dollars since "he already read them and they were just gathering dust."
Our parents never held him accountable until he took stuff from them. Even then all they did was ban him from visiting when they aren't there to supervise him. He is 34 not some teenager. He should know not to steal.
Anyways Daniel has been in town for the greater part of a year now and it is just about time for him to blow town. He gave up his roommate situation without having a place to stay because his flight leaves in the middle of the month. He could spend money on a cheap Airbnb but he has been couch surfing. He asked to stay with me and I said no.
Our folks called me to ask me to change my mind. I said NO. Next thing I know Danny is at my house trying to use a key to get in. My parents gave him the key. I talked to him through the door and he admits he asked them for help and they decided I was being an ass for not helping him out. So they gave him my key.
I don't trust him so I called to verify that is what happened. They admitted that they thought since I am barely ever home I wouldn't mind even though I was very clear on not wanting him in my space.
Here is where I might be the a$$hole. I opened the door enough to give him our parents' key. I said he could not stay with me but since they were being helpful I figured they wouldn't mind.
They were out to dinner when he went to their house. When they got home he had already made himself at home in the guest room. To the best of my knowledge he hasn't helped himself to anything there. But they are pissed at me and are telling all our family what I did. I have countered by telling everyone that they tried to do it to me first.
Their logic is that I live out of a backpack since I travel for work and don't really have anything valuable in my house that he could steal. That's not the point. I can imagine Danny "renting" out my house while I'm gone and I get back to a family if six with a fake lease. It's his style.
So my parents are pissed at me but I don't think I'm in the wrong. AITA?
PS my folks are retired but now they cannot leave the house together because one of them always has to be home to keep an eye on him. He will fly out on the 17th and has only been there for a couple of days but it will definitely cramp their style for a bit.
This is what people had to say to OP:
Hope_Wally said:
They didn't want a slice of the same pie they served you? Imagine that...NTA well played
No_Lavishness_3206 said:
NTA. Nice job setting boundaries and making sure people know why.
lean_Permit_3791 said:
NTA This was completely fair.
halfsquelch said:
NTA, your parents helped themselves to offering your house and call you an ass for saying no even though you have zero responsibility to help. Totally fair to do the same to the people that actually are responsible for bringing him into the world and raising him.
Broad_Respond_2205 said:
The only thing lost about him is that he steals.
NTA, they literally set the stage.
OP responded:
I'm wondering what happens when he gets old with no savings or plans.