'AITA for giving my dad a list for his 50th birthday of all the times he made me miss my activities so his wife's kids wouldn't miss theirs?'
"AITA for giving my dad a list for his 50th birthday of all the times he made me miss my activities so his wife's kids wouldn't miss theirs?"
My dad turned 50 last week. His wife was on my (M17) case to write a nice card and pick out a present for him. So I gave him the list I wrote to keep track of all the times he made me miss extra curricular activities so her kids wouldn't miss theirs. That was my present for him. I didn't even get a card or write in one. That was my gift to him.
I knew it was going to piss him and his wife off but I kept track of that stuff and it has always bothered me because he became such a lazy dad to me when he started dating his wife.
They asked me what the hell kind of milestone present that is and I told them it was the gift of having his eyes opened to the way he prioritized her kids over me. She told me it was so incredibly arrogant to keep a list like that and obsess over the times he did something to show her kids he cared.
I told her he could have figured out a way to do nice things for both of us but as soon as they met he cared more about her and proving himself to her than he did about being a good dad.
BG is as follows: My mom isn't around. Don't know why. My dad never gave me an answer about what happened to her. I only remember him though and he met his wife when I was 7.
They dated for years without living together but started all the way back then he would get me kicked out of activities for no showing because he said he'd take his wife's kids to theirs and for some reason he couldn't get all three of us to our activities.
Dad had me in football from 5 to 7. I got kicked off the team after 6 no shows without explanation. Each of those times was because he dropped her kids off at theirs and he said he didn't have time to drop me off at mine.
Then he had me in karate. I went for a month and then he didn't take me for two months. They told him I couldn't go back if I wasn't going to be there every week because there was no way for me to learn. He signed me up for another football team and the same thing happened. He didn't take me to one of the games and several practices so I got kicked.
I asked for art classes and he said sure, that'll keep you busy and out of my hair. I lasted four months in those classes before several no shows meant they told dad I couldn't come back because I was missing important lessons.
He signed me up for basketball, same thing happened. I only went once though. Swimming was the same and the last time I did get to go he didn't pick me up on time.
I got into dance classes when I was 14 and thought this can work. I'll walk. But then he'd pick me up and say he'd drop me but then he wouldn't. And I didn't get to connect with anyone to get a ride off their parents because I wasn't in dance long enough.
Instead of being at something for me, I had to sit in the car or watch his wife's kids do their stuff. The kid he dropped off last is the one he stayed to watch or parked outside the activity of. And they had loads of activities.
My dad and his wife only moved in together when I was 14 so he was doing all this for kids he didn't live with and completely disregarding me in the process. Then he refused to pay for anything because he decided to take over paying for his wife's kids.
I hold it against him. And yeah I tried to talk to him in a calm and mature way but he brushed me off. So I resented him more for it. I told his wife when she came at me for my attitude and she was like so what. That told me all I needed to know.
But the birthday thing. I gave him the list and they made a big deal out of it. But instead of giving me the cold shoulder they decided to bring it up multiple times since and they've complained so much that I'm tired of hearing it. I told them I didn't care about my dad's birthday or his feelings because he won't confront that he didn't deserve anything from me. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA I’m sorry op … this sounds heartbreaking. Your father is incredibly selfish… If you haven’t already started please start saving money to move out once you turn 18. I don’t think your father will support you financially looking at his streak.
KaydZXYN (OP)
I started saving when I turned 16. I wanted to be able to get the heck out at 18 and knew I needed money to stand a chance.
Tell them as much as they hated having to see the list, imagine how much it sucked to live that list!!
NTA. Hats off to you - what an enviable level of pettiness. He (and his wife) deserved that!
KaydZXYN (OP)
I was never really sure if I'd give it to him. I wrote the list for me. But it was the only present I felt he deserved.
NTA - AH hate having their bad behavior called out. Was this done in front of others or were just your Dad and Step there?
KaydZXYN (OP)
In front of a few others. His wife's kids, a couple of her relatives and like one of his friends.
What a terrible way to grow up being othered by your parent while they step up for some one else's kids. Cyber auntie hugs to you. You didn't do anything wrong.