"AITA for giving my in-home nurse coffee?"
So I (52m) get an in home IV every 2 weeks that lasts about 6 hours, and have had the same nurse (65ish f) for the last 6-7 years. At this point, she is basically a friend. My wife (45f) is jealous of this friendship and insists that she should be treated as a service person "we pay her to do a job and then get out, she's not a friend."
Except, she kinda is, after 6+ years of every 2 weeks, I maintain it's normal to treat her more like a friend (wife obviously disagrees). Occasionally (like once every 1.5 to 2 months, but as is pointed out to me, is only every 3 or 4 visits or so) she'll ask if she can have a coffee pod (she either forgot to bring her own coffee, or ran out of time to get one, whatever).
Wife insists that letting her have a coffee is unprofessional and I shouldn't do it. Says she is taking advantage of my kindness. While I don't disagree that she shouldn't forget to bring her coffee, we all forget stuff, and once she's here, she's stuck here for 6 hours (she can't leave even to run get coffee).
In fairness, I need to also note that I don't drink coffee, and while we buy coffee with our household spending budget, wife is the only one who really drinks it. I was also raised so that if you have a guest, you offer them a drink.
Long story short, wife wants me to not offer coffee when nurse asks. I managed to avoid it for a while but then nurse asked if she could have a coffee, I let her have one (but intentionally gave her the one my wife doesn't really like, as opposed to wife's favorite). My wife is pissed at me, says I'm the ahole for giving her the coffee. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Humid-Afternoon727 said:
NTA. Your wife sounds insecure.
Purplecat718 said:
NTA. Your wife obviously has issues she needs to work through. Offering a beverage is the bare minimum of hospitality. You should be able to offer coffee to any stranger, professional, or acquaintance who enters your home. The fact that this woman is a friend means this is even more natural. Your wife needs to get over herself.
JadedByFire said:
What else does your wife object to? Is the nurse not allowed to use the restroom? Is she allowed to speak to you or does she have to sit in the corner like the lowly service personnel your wife apparently thinks she is?
Of course NTA for letting her have coffee. She shouldn’t even have to ask for some, it should be offered. She’s in your home SIX HOURS and unable to leave. You get to stay in your home for those 6 hours ONLY because a nurse comes to YOU. Your wife should be grateful you don’t have to go to an infusion center for 6 hours each time.
Secret_Sister_Sarah said:
NTA - A nurse asking for a cup of coffee is not unprofessional. A woman denying her that cup of coffee out of jealousy is wildly inhospitable and has some crazy jealousy and possessive streaks. Your wife is the AH.
Would the wife prefer it if OP says, "I'm sorry, no, you may not have a cup of coffee. That is my wife's coffee, and she has asked me not to let you have any. The last time you were here, I got in trouble because I allowed you one of the pods my wife doesn't like, and I don't want to make that mistake again."
chokemedaddy91 said:
NTA- wife is very insecure af. Can you maybe buy a small box of coffee pods to have just for the nurse so the nurse isn’t using your wife’s coffee maybe? With how insecure she is I’m not sure that will be any better.
Professional-Sea158 said:
NTA, the nurse does a lot for you! It’s kind of you to give her coffee when she forgets. Rapport with patients is important and that means that not acting 100% super professional all the time is fine.
fadingsunsetglow said:
NTA. Your wife needs to work on basic kindness. Hopefully the coffee isn't as bitter.