'AITA for giving my MIL a list of demands after she asked us to move in with her?'
"AITA for giving my MIL a list of demands after she asked us to move in with her?"
I will start with the list:
• She WILL be getting rid of her dog.
• Her and her BF are not to reprimand my children at all and they will be expected to come tell me or my husband if my children are doing something wrong.
• There will be a list of people whom are not allowed at the house. (Their family and their friends)
• Me, my husband and my children WILL be treated with respect at all times and I will not be treated like a child.
• My husband and I will absolutely be put on the deed as the main deed holder before we move in.
• If any of these demands are not held to the highest standard, I will be withdrawing.
Story: my MIL is getting up there in age. Not old (66) but her health isn't the best. She has recently asked us to move in with her because she can no longer work, has zero retirement fund and can't get around like she used to. She needs help and we are the only ones who can help her.
She has until the end of the month to pay off $12k in back taxes before her home goes to foreclosure. My MIL by herself is a kick ass woman. I love her to bits. But she's a people pleaser to the extreme and it has absolutely made her fall in to situations that I will never be okay with putting myself in.
Her boyfriend is 66yo "Mason". A felon, due to his continuous drunk driving charges. He just got out of prison last year after 6 years on the inside and he is already right back in to drinking all day, every day.
He got drunk one night back 8 months ago and decided to go and adopt a 5yo Rottweiler Mastiff mix and then failed to make any attempt to train the animal.
It is now food aggressive, kennel aggressive, toy aggressive and resource guards everything. He is aggressive protective over my MIL. So, the dog would have to go. Under no circumstances will I make an exception on this. My children are small (one crawling) and that animal will not get the opportunity to maul my children. Dog stays, we do not move in, period.
Mason also has an old school style of parenting and on more than one occasion has tried to father my children in angry, outdated parenting style ways. Hence why I said neither he nor my MIL will reprimand/discipline any of my children in any way, shape or form.
I stated my name will be put on the deed prior to moving in because it will be me and my husband forking over the money to save their home and frankly, I don't trust Mason to not try and kick us out after we do so. So if we are not put as main deed holder, we will not be moving in and she can lose her home.
As for the limit on who is allowed at the house: Mason has a family member who is a convicted criminal (he went to prison for 13 years) that he hangs out with often. He seems to think that since the man is in a wheelchair, he is now "harmless."
Absolutely not. He is not welcome at the home. As for them treating us with respect under all circumstances and not treating me like a child: there has been several times where Mason and my MIL have tried making decisions for me and my husband or told us what to do and I will not tolerate it. I will give more detailed info if you guys need it but this is the break down anyhow.
I presented them the list of demands yesterday and said either my demands are followed or this arrangement will not happen. Mason and MIL are both saying that the list makes them feel as though they are children/guests of their own home and feel like I've now decided I'm going to control their lives and have asked to make changes.
As in, they want to keep the dog and have stated that we will just find a way to keep the dog separate from us (nope). Mason also wants his family member to be allowed here but has stated he will keep them in their portion of the house and away from my kids (nope).
They also feel they should be able to reprimand and discipline my children if they are doing something wrong if it is "within reason" (nope. I told them they can speak to the parent and that's final. I said I'm not budging. My SIL seems to think I'm being ridiculous. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Mammoth_Leg_8489 said:
I don’t see any way that this doesn’t lead to disaster if you do it. They may go along just to get you to pay the taxes, but as soon as you do all bets are off.
Open-Incident-3601 said:
YTA if you move in while Mason lives there. It’s that simple. Your kids will end up in shi#ty sh%tty situations you caused by moving them there.
mtngrl60 said:
Are you trying to get CPS to take your children? THIS is where you want them to live…a home with: A felon. DUI’s. Aggressive dog you KNOW will not be rehomed. A criminal you KNOW will be allowed in the home. An MIL who totally lacks the ability to say no.
A felon who is an old school disciplinarian who has tried to discipline your kids in the past. A house almost in foreclosure. Need I go on? What on God’s green earth would make you think you should risk your nuclear family’s safety and security for an adult who has consistently shown you she can’t adult?
Sharp_Replacement789 said:
YTA to your children for even considering this. There is no way this is going to work.
WatermelonRindPickle said:
NTA for the list. If you actually moved in, then you would be most definitely the AH for putting your children in the household with the boyfriend.
CarcosaDweller said:
ESH, you should be working toward cutting these people out of your lives completely not negotiating to live with them.