AITA for giving my sister-in-law a handmade gift instead of buying from her expensive registry?
AITA for giving my sister-in-law a handmade gift instead of buying from her expensive registry?
My sister-in-law (30F), is having her first baby, and I'm very excited for her. She has very specific, high-end tastes, and her baby registry reflected that, with things like a $1200 stroller and a $300 diaper bag. I'm a teacher, and while we're comfortable, that kind of spending is out of reach for me.
My main hobby is knitting, and I'm quite skilled. I decided to make her something unique and personal. I spent over 50 hours knitting an intricate, beautiful baby blanket with high-quality merino wool. My plan was to embroider the baby's name and birth date on it after he was born. I was incredibly proud of it and thought it was a beautiful, heartfelt gift.
At the baby shower this weekend, she opened my gift. She looked at it for a second, said a very flat "Oh, that's nice," and immediately set it aside to open the next gift. I was a little hurt by her reaction, but tried to brush it off. Later, however, I was in the kitchen and overheard her talking to her mom.
She was complaining that she "barely got anything from the registry" and said, "I appreciate the thought, but what am I supposed to do with another blanket? I just wish people would get us what we actually need instead of using my shower as a showcase for their hobbies."
I was mortified. I texted her after the party that I had overheard her and that my feelings were hurt. She replied that she was sorry I heard, but that she's just being "practical and honest." My husband thinks I should have just bought something smaller off the registry to avoid drama. AITA for giving a handmade gift and then getting upset over her reaction?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
sousyre wrote:
Mild YTA, a merino wool blanket isn’t really a particularly useful or practical gift for a baby. Babies excrete grossness constantly, and you can’t just throw most marino in the machine or dryer, so it’s almost certainly just going to sit in a cupboard or get donated.
You probably had the best of intentions and her reaction wasn’t exactly gracious, but it feels like the gift was more about you (your hobby and your mild resentment about the registry) than usefulness for the baby.
Handcrafted gifts can be amazing, but often aren’t useful, practical or appreciated. Save your special makes for people who will love and understand the time and effort that went into them, rather than people who don’t want, need or appreciate them.
Also, if you’re ever making for babies again - soft acrylic, and maybe, bamboo or viscose (or blends) that are more washable and practical are definitely the go. Wool, no matter how high end, is very rarely a good choice there, unless the parents specifically ask for it.
Effablefornent wrote:
Soft YTA, or maybe ESH. While I think expecting expensive things is tacky, I also think you should get people what they want/need, not what you think they should want. You should know by now if your sister is the kind of person who appreciates things like hand made blankets.
justlikemrben wrote:
I think you did think more about your hobby than her needs here - a merino blanket is a terribly impractical gift for a baby. Even if it’s super wash wool, it can’t just be chucked into a washing machine and tumble drier which is what you want to be able to do with baby items.
Giving new parents gifts that need handwashing is just giving them another chore. You’re not the A exactly but you did get more enjoyment out of making the gift than the recipient will get from it.
definitely-not-java wrote:
"Doesn't hand made gift show more love and care?"
Only to people who like those specific things. Yeah it sucks that you spent all that labor over something she didn't like, but taste differs and just because you put in effort doesn't mean she has to like it
Her reaction over your gift is AH behavior. She should have still been gracious. That said you did not need to confront her over comments that were not meant for your ears. All in all I would say neither of you handled it well. The only question I have is whether there are cheaper items on the registry. If no, I'm leaving towards ESH, her more than you. Otherwise it's squarely YTA.
saddiebabbie wrote:
Ahh...I'm torn. Yes, she is an AH for that reaction, however she is right, baby shower gifts can get repetitive and you can end up with 10 blankets that's why I think it's fine she had a registry.
If there were smaller items on the registry that you could afford then it's a soft YTA. Your gift is precious but you could have bought something in the price range of that merino wool. But I will end with ESH because she was really rude.
Extra-ebb-3529 wrote:
I know how many hours and how much money goes into creating a merino wool blanket. It would honestly have been cheaper to buy something smaller from the registry. I would, politely ask for it back and suggest you buy something from the registry instead.
I’d get your husband to purchase the cheapest thing on there. I’d recover the cost by selling the merino blanket on Etsy. Make sure you loudly tell her how much you got for it when it sells. She’s ungrateful and rude. But you probably knew her personality and are an AH to yourself for thinking you’d be appreciated.
Bluevanonthestreet wrote:
ESH. Did you ask if she would like a blanket? Not everyone wants or appreciates a handmade blanket. Just because it’s special to you doesn’t make it special to everyone else. We got so many handmade blankets when our kids were born. It was overwhelming because you can’t even really use them with a baby.
Blankets don’t go in cribs. We had floor mats and stroller bunting so using them for those purposes didn’t make sense. They basically sat in a stack in the closet until we moved and got rid of most of them. If you can’t afford what is on the registry then give a pack of diapers with a gift card in the amount you can afford. She should not have complained openly at her shower. That was rude.