'AITA for giving my son a downpayment on a house but not my daughter?' 'They live in a big fancy house.'
"AITA for giving my son a downpayment on a house but not my daughter?"
I have two kids, a son and a daughter. My son is a hardworking guy, been saving up for years, but he’s struggling to get a house in today’s insane market. My daughter, on the other hand, married a wealthy guy a few years back. Her husband’s family is loaded, and they live in a big fancy house that, frankly, makes ours look like a shack. No shame, just reality.
My son finally found a place he loves, but he was short on the downpayment. My wife and I decided to help him out—gave him some cash to make it happen. We’re not talking millions here, just enough to get him over the line.
He’s super grateful, and honestly, it feels good to be able to do that for him. Now, my daughter heard about it, and she’s furious. She’s accusing us of favoritism, saying that we never gave her any financial help like this.
Thing is, we did help her a lot in the past. She was kind of a mess growing up—always getting into trouble, dropping out of college, even a stint in rehab. We spent a small fortune getting her life back on track, and when she married into money, we thought, “Great, she’s set now.”
We’re not exactly rolling in it ourselves, so helping her husband buy a THIRD vacation home is not on our list of priorities. Now she’s telling everyone I’m playing favorites and it’s driving a wedge in the family.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to help my son get a house when he’s starting from scratch, especially since we’ve already given her so much support over the years. So, AITA here, or is my daughter just entitled?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
slyest_fox said:
NTA. I agree with the other commenter. Tell her that you have supported them each financially in the way that they needed. She got rehab and he got a house. Or ignore her and don’t explain it at all because you don’t owe an explanation to a grown adult that’s acting like a spoiled brat. She doesn’t need help with a house and her brother does. Why is that a problem for her?
Ginger630 said:
NTA! Ask her if you guys helping her out when she was a mess was fair to her brother? I’m sure she got all the attention and money focused on her during that time. Your son didn’t even ask for the money. You gave him just enough to help. Send your daughter an itemized bill of what you spent on her. Ask her how she plans to pay you back.
My sibling didn’t make the best choices and my mom helped them out with their rent. She never helped me. Did I get pissed? No. I had a steady job and a husband with a steady job. We didn’t need the help. Sometimes fair isn’t always equal.
sickasfook said:
NTA. You have/had X amount to help. Offspring One needed it Offspring Two didn't. Job done. If anyone is the arsehole here...well, I think you can guess.
Thistime232 said:
NTA. The money you spent on her rehab in the past isn't even relevant. Your son needs money, and your daughter doesn't. Pretty simple.
Beautiful_Choice8620 said:
NTA. Your daughter is entitled. You spent all the money cleaning up her messes and rehab when she was younger so no need to provide any for her now. In fact, when someone gets married it is the responsibility of themselves and their spouses to handle their finances.
It is up to you if you want to contribute, but you are not obligated to do so. If she keeps trying to embarrass you, return that energy with the receipts of her troubled past.
OnlyJewels_ said:
NTA. People seem to forget the concept that equity is more fair than equality. Helping everyone in the exact same way isn’t going to benefit them all the same. You helped both your kids in the ways that was needed which is equitable and fair. I think she needs to go back to high school.