'AITA for telling my husband I’m glad his mom died before she could meet our baby?'
"AITA for telling my husband I’m glad his mom died before she could meet our baby?"
Okay, I know how that sounds. But hear me out. My husband’s mom was a nightmare. Like, lifetime movie villain level.
She called me a gold digger for marrying her precious son (he’s an accountant, not a billionaire), “forgot” to invite me to family holidays for three years, and once mailed him a framed photo of his ex with a note saying “the one who got away.” When we announced our pregnancy, she said, “I’ll believe it’s his when I see the DNA test.”
She died suddenly last year, car accident. I didn’t cry. My husband was wrecked, obviously, and I held him through it, but inside? Relief. Deep, ugly reliefff.
Fast forward to now. Our daughter is 4 months old. Last night, husband got drunk and tearful, saying, “I wish Mom could’ve held her just once.” And I, sleep-deprived and still sore from breastfeeding, just snapped. “Thank god she didn’t. She would’ve made our kid feel like s^%$ the way she did me.”
Silence. Then he called me a “heartless bi^%$hh” and slept on the couch.
Part of me knows I crossed a line. But another part? Stands by it. She was cruel, and death doesn’t erase that. He’s grieving a mom who wasn’t real, the version he wished she was. Meanwhile, I’m over here with stretch marks and a baby who finally sleeps, just… not sorry.
So. AITA? Or is this one of those cases where the truth is an a^%$ole but it needed to be said?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
She was horrible to you. Did he ever try to stop that?
IlyraShade OP:
No, he always apologized to me but never really did anything or talk to his mother. Sadly
It never ceases to amaze me how folks will talk about horrible dead people like they were good and kind. You're right: He's grieving what he never had and pretending that was his reality.
Never ever forget that he didn't protect you from his mother. This behavior will manifest itself in another way in the future. OP. ETA: NTA
NTA/ESH. It’s an extremely low blow you dealt to someone grieving losing their mother, but it sounds like he was quite the heartless b&^%$ to you about her behavior when she was alive.
I think you guys need to talk this out, because there seems to be a lot of resentment under the surface about how she treated you, how he handled it, and how you’re expected to whitewash that history now that’s she’s gone.
Don’t do this when sleep-deprived and juggling the baby though, make sure you find a good time for the convo.
Eh ESH, You should’ve left your husband when his mother was being a b%^$ to you and he wasn’t doing s^&$ to stand up for you. And then you still had his child on top of that. Lmao girl idk