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Gluten-free new mom snaps at MIL for bringing food she can't eat, 'she's rude.' AITA?

Gluten-free new mom snaps at MIL for bringing food she can't eat, 'she's rude.' AITA?


"AITA for telling MIL I was mad she brought food I can’t eat and giving it away?"

F27 I had my first baby six days ago. My birth went well but I am still recovering, in quite a bit of pain, and have been very sensitive emotionally since giving birth. My husband (M27) & I told our families that we’d likely have no visitors for the first 1-2 weeks, just to set expectations. But privately the two of us decided that we would play it by ear and see how we felt.

Our second day home with our baby was really rough on me and all I wanted was my mom to comfort and help me, so husband and I decided to call my mom and have her come over. She was such a major help, both emotionally and with the baby, so we had her come by every other day since.

She went above and beyond to help us. Also my bestie & her husband live down the street and have been dropping off meals/treats & walking our dog for us, but I don’t consider that visiting as much as favors/errands.

MIL found out about my mom’s visits and was very upset, so we decided to have her over for a brief visit, day six postpartum. She said they’d bring food & arrived around dinner time. I have Celiac disease so I cannot eat gluten. MIL brought homemade lasagna, pasta salad, muffins, and two types of cookies, all full-gluten, and explained to me that she was sorry but she had limited notice and only had time to make my husband’s favorites.

I immediately started crying and my husband thanked his mom, but took me to the other room and told me he’d take care of it and ordered us delivery on the spot. I composed myself, introduced MIL/FIL to baby, and then MIL made another comment about how she wished she could’ve brought food for me but it was just so time consuming and burdensome to make things gluten-free. I snapped and told her she was rude and told her I was angry.

Toward the end of the visit, my bff’s husband knocked on the door to come walk our dog and to my surprise brought us a homemade gluten-free tiramisu. I started crying (again) and thanked him profusely, and he told us it was no problem and “surprisingly easy to make.”

MIL was pissed because she realized that they’d been coming by and started complaining about how wrong this all was, because she had to wait six days to see the baby and was “faced with [my] anger.”

My husband took my baby from her and FIL snapped at her to drop it. They stayed and chatted for a short while, and when bestie’s husband came back to drop our dog off, I sent him home with one of the batches of cookies MIL brought which upset MIL.

MIL has been texting/calling and trying to rally people against me since. My husband has my back and even went the next day to drop off almost all the rest of the gluten food to our friends and he told me to block MIL’s number if she kept harassing me.

I don’t really feel like I was the ashole but I’m also extremely emotional and sensitive to everything right now and am not sure I’m reacting to things in general reasonably at this time. Most of my in-laws are mad at me. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

CassieW309 said:

NTA - YIKES. I'm glad your husband has your back because she seems like a piece of work. Even IF it was a burden to make gluten-free food (it is not) prioritizing his favorites right after you had a baby is next level awful.

IamIrene said:

NTA. Your MIL tried to make everything about herself. True, she's probably feeling excluded because she doesn't understand the literal help your friends have been...and come on, your mother being there should be understood as a given. She's probably very hurt though because she has possibly interpreted all this as "everyone's seen the baby BUT us! What's wrong with us?"

mfruitfly said:

NTA. She is upset all these people are getting to help you, but didn't in fact help you when given the opportunity. If she had time to make a lasagna, she had time to make literally anything else, cause that sh%t is time consuming!

She made muffins and cookies too, but couldn't throw together a salad, some roasted veggies, some baked chicken? Nah, she did the classic evil MIL move of taking care of "her baby"- your husband- and likely doing it to teach you a lesson. It just didn't work because your husband has your back, and you also stood up for yourself.

_mmiggs_ said:

NTA. What sort of ahole brings food to the home of a new mother, but brings food that she knows the mother is unable to eat? Your MIL - that's the sort of ahole that does it.

Quick-Possession-245 said:

She had time to make:"... homemade lasagna, pasta salad, muffins, and two types of cookies.... but it was just so time consuming and burdensome to make things gluten-free.." Yeah, right. NTA.

StellarPhenom420 said:

Well, it's pretty clear both your husband and FIL are on your side and have told MIL that she was in the wrong. Easy to see that you're NTA.

Strict_Oven7228 said:

NTA. It's amazing to see that your husband fully has your back and won't allow that to happen. You are doing amazing and going through a lot, and don't even question your reaction. If people are mad you because you've made them realize MIL chooses to not respect a dietary requirement, that's a them problem and then some.

My MIL, after 14 years, still can't grasp my allergy and is constantly trying to feed me things with it. And she's even argued with me over my allergy and claimed that I've always eaten x when I haven't.

I noticed she gets particularly loud about it when there's others to witness, because she prides herself in being so accommodating. She doesn't stop until my husband voices the reality, but the next visit it happens again. So when we have our little one in 5 months, I won't trust a single thing she brings over.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

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