Gluten-free woman claims MIL continues to 'poison' her. AITA? 'MIL is a nurse.'

"AITA for stating that my MIL continues to 'poison' me with my food allergy?"

I 32f have been in this relationship with my partner 35m for 10 years. We have a child together who is 6, ever since becoming pregnant with this kiddo I've had severe health problems. After delivery I developed Hashimotos disease, and celiacs disease about 2yrs after.

I've been working actively on my health the last 4 years since the diagnosis and in the last 4 years specifically I can not have ANY gluten in my diet. It is a big change. My MIL is a nurse, and she's dumb as rocks, or likes to feign ignorance to get out of accountability.

For the last 4 years every time she hosts a dinner or something (We HAVE to go to her house) she has contaminated me with gluten. Almost every single time. Or...

And she keeps reserving restaurants for us and they are never a gluten free restaurant and so I usually can only order a drink and a vegetable side.

The thing about celiacs is it is my immune system that produces antibodies that attack the gluten, which inflames the small intestine's lining and damages the villi, or finger-like projections that absorb nutrients from food.

So eating gluten is not just a small food allergy or me being picky, this is how my body absorbs nutrients and when that is severely damaged by gluten, I have to look forward to eating through an IV to actually absorb nutrients.

She's a mental health nurses granted, but SHE SHOULD know how serious allergies are. My husband and I went on a forced family vacation and the entire time they kept reserving non gluten places to eat or making food with gluten.

His mom was trying to celebrate that we eloped recently (trust me that's a whole other story) and she decided to throw us a party. She booked us a dinner and she told me she specifically went there because they have gluten free pasta and could make me my own meal and Yada Yada.

She gassed me the hell up, and due to our trip I had only eaten one that day at 8am. Chorizo thank God. When we got to the restaurant I inspected the food laid out, all gluten. She then came up and said "see you have your own special Greek salad" ....it's covered with crutouns.

The waitress then came to me and said "we don't have any gluten free options here can I try and get you like grilled chicken" I said yes but was terrified to eat it because was the grilled clean? Was there bread and wheat around it?

Did they wash their hands and use different cooking utensils? I starred crying and panicked and just went outside but the dumpster to hit my vape.

My husband was inside with his mom and she was being so rude. When I came back inside my sister in law approached me and said "hey I know for a fact 100% that the little cake we picked out is gluten free and dairy free.

MIL was fighting us and was trying to get a vegan cake that wasn't gluten free. So my husband had to fight for your cake." I said to her I was relieved and so thankful to her and my BIL, and I said I didn't understand what happened...

because MIL told me she went to the restaurant her self and tried the food and my SIL said "no, that's a lie, she went to the bakery with us to try out the cakes and she only liked the ones that were gluten cakes."

My MIL constantly lies to me, and has lied to my husband and now my SIL on this vacation said that his mother and his mothers sister and grandmother have been "talking shi#t" about me and misgendering my son to other family members behind my back.

So yeah I think she did that all on purpose at the wedding dinner. Yes I go to therapy, no he doesn't and we had a horrible couples therapist. My therapist keeps asking me "why are you with a man who does not respect you and allows his family to also disrespect your and your children."

I think it's time for a separation or break up because I am done with his narcissist mother who appears to be poisoning me with my own allergy.

When I bring this up to my husband he says mean things like "you just hate my family" or "they can't make mistakes?!" I feel like I have no way to defend myself in this family or relationship and I don't want to deal with that anymore. What should I do?

My MIL constantly lies to me, and has lied to my husband and now my SIL on this vacation said that his mother and his mothers sister and grandmother have been "talking shit" about me and misgendering my son to other family members behind my back.

So yeah I think she did that all on purpose at the wedding dinner. Yes I go to therapy, no he doesn't and we had a horrible couples therapist. My therapist keeps asking me "why are you with a man who does not respect you and allows his family to also disrespect your and your children."

I think it's time for a separation or break up because I am done with his narcissist mother who appears to be poisoning me with my own allergy. When I bring this up to my husband he says mean things like "you just hate my family" or "they can't make mistakes?!"

I feel like I have no way to defend myself in this family or relationship and I don't want to deal with that anymore. What should I do?''

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

HarveySnake said:

Your therapist is a keeper, because that's exactly what you should be thinking. NTA.

laaadddyyy said:

NTA. Your MIL's behavior is unacceptable, and your husband's refusal to acknowledge the severity of the issue is a major red flag. It's your health, and your MIL is jeopardizing it, intentionally or not.

dhbroo12 said:

NTA You should report this "nurse" to her Ethics Board for knowingly trying to poison you. Time to leave a husband who allows this and blames you.

Ok_Stable7501 said:

I have a seafood allergy. On the rare occasion that we have a family meal with seafood, my MIL has a separate meal for me with a separate place setting to make sure there is no cross contamination.

Once, we had shrimp and her brother forgot and she raided his freezer and made chicken nuggets so I would have something safe to eat. This is how people treat you when they care. I am sorry this is not how your husband and MIL treat you, OP. NTA

helenahambiscuit said:

NTA but you need to get away from this family. it sounds like your MIL is actively trying to harm you. And your husband seems to be on her side. And if something happens to you, your poor son would be stuck with these people full time.

ManufacturerNo6126 said:

You therapist is right. Pack your bags and leave, even your SIL and BIL treat you better then your husband and his Mom (the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree)