'AITA for going behind the bride's back for a wedding?' 'It was a lot of borderline screeching.' AITA?
"AITA for going behind the bride's back for a wedding?"
I, 23M have this friend, Joseph, 26M, who I met in a group home. I had a pretty rough childhood and he took care of me in the home, which can be not so great if you're one of the youngest. Anyway. We became close pretty much immediately and as we grew up we became best mates. I recently graduated, and he was there, I helped him get a job, etc.
His future wife Amy doesn't like me. I have no idea why, its not even a mutual feeling. I brought it up to Joseph once but he dismissed it saying she has no reason to dislike me. I know, thats part of why I'm confused.
Anyway, Joseph is getting married, I'm his best man which Amy is unhappy about. This is probably the time to mention that Joseph is South Asian and Amy is White so they're having a mix of cultures at the wedding. As a member of the groom's half I've got to wear something South Asian. So I picked out this red kurta set. Amy didn't like it because she thought red would look too bridal.
I'm a guy so I was confused, but desi brides do traditionally wear red (she's wearing white though) so fair enough. I then picked out a blue one, she said the blue was too bright, I then picked a green one, she said it didn't go with the theme.
I was starting to get the feeling she was doing this on purpose (since she suggested no alternatives) and just wanted to keep me out of the wedding. So instead of asking her about it, for the next one I just went straight to Joseph for approval, he okayed it pretty much instantly, a cream kurta which matched some of the other's on his side.
Amy saw me in it for the first time yesterday and started screaming. I couldn't make out much of what she was saying since it was a lot of borderline screeching, but roughly I think she thought it was too similar to white.
She called me a lot of swears, which I will not repeat and an a-hole for going behind her back. But it's Josephs's wedding too. It's not like I just chose it on my own.
EDIT:
Looks something like this
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
seregil42 said:
NTA, but at some point, you're going to have to tell her, "Amy. I need to know what you find to be an acceptable choice. I've tried several options and you've told me no to each one. This is getting ridiculous."
Be the adult in the situation. It might also be worthwhile to ask her directly what her problem is with you. Perhaps not until after the wedding, though.
Ok-Acanthaceae5744 said:
NTA. Amy was being obstructionist and what she's really mad about is that her power was taken away from her by no other than her own oblivious fiance. Sorry to bring an omen of negativity into this but don't be surprised if, once they're married, you rarely or never see your friend again.
You may have won the battle, but you may still lose the war. Depends on how much of a spine your friend has and/or how long he can keep burying his head in the sand about Amy's feelings towards you.
AceyAceyAcey said:
NTA, but another way to approach this could be asking them together, so they can both see and discuss, and then if she vetos, explicitly ask what they both want you to get instead. It’s also worth asking her what’s her beef with you, since he’s such a good friend and you don’t want her to tear apart that friendship.
apatheticsahm said:
WHAT?!!?! THAT'S what she thinks looks "too bridal"?!!?? That's barely fancy enough for a party, let alone a wedding where you are attending as a groomsman! Amy is a loon. She's got some problem that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Is she this way with all his friends, or just you? Is she trying to isolate and control him, and making irrational demands about clothing is her weapon of choice?
fckinsleepless said:
NTA. Amy sounds like she’s being unreasonable and you should tell your friend about it. She doesn’t have sole authority over what everyone wears to THEIR wedding. But your friend is an AH for not standing up for you and telling her to back off already.
FuzzyMom2005 said:
NTA. You could ask her directly what is an acceptable color, but do it with the groom present so she can't change her mind and claim she never approved a color.