'AITA for going no contact with my mom?' 'She lied to me and disrupted a special trip I planned.'

"AITA for going no contact with my mom after she lied to me and disrupted a special trip I planned for my wife?"

I’m a 35M, married with a son who has special needs. We recently enrolled him in a specialist school that’s been amazing for his development, but it’s also a big financial commitment. Between that and everything else, life’s been full-on—but manageable.

My relationship with my mom has always been complicated. Growing up, she treated me more like a therapist than a son. She’d vent constantly—about work, friends, family—but mostly about my dad. She’d call him weak, a failure, and blame him for her unhappiness.

She even used to say things like, “He’s lucky I stayed—any other woman would’ve left him.” She never really got over her ex-boyfriend who died in a car accident, and I think that grief turned into bitterness that she never dealt with.

As I got older, I realized how toxic this dynamic was. I became a chronic people pleaser, always putting others first—even when it hurt me. My mom is from a country in Asia, and migrated to a new country where I was born, but always insisted we visit regularly. She grew up wealthy and spoiled, and that entitlement has never really left her.

When I started dating my wife, she made a real effort to keep the peace with my mom. But my mom didn’t take well to me spending time away from home. At 222, she literally staged an intervention because I wasn’t around enough. It was bizarre.

Fast forward to now: her brother is seriously ill, and she and my dad wanted to fly back to see him. They didn’t have the money, so my dad called me (on her behalf) asking for a loan. I agreed—I didn’t want them to miss the chance to say goodbye. They also asked me to look after their dog.

I said yes, but made it very clear that I had planned a special birthday getaway for my wife and son, and they needed to be back before then (3 weeks away). My dad promised they would be.

I reminded them multiple times, even at the airport. A week into their trip, my mom calls and says there are no flights back and they’ll be delayed by an additional two weeks. I push back, saying surely there are other options, and she snaps—saying they already booked the flight and there’s nothing they can do.

Then my dad calls, and I confront him. I tell him I feel lied to, and that this is part of a pattern—making decisions without thinking about how it affects others. He says he doesn’t remember any of it. I hang up.

I don’t hear from them for nearly a month. When they finally return, my mom calls wanting to “explain.” I tell her there’s nothing to explain—they lied. She gets emotional and yells, “Do you want us to move out?” I say I’m not having this conversation if she’s going to behave like that and hang up.

For context: my wife and I own the apartment my parents live in. They pay minimal rent, and we cover the rest to meet our mortgage. My wife actually suggested this arrangement 10 years ago when their previous landlord asked them to move out. We’ve supported them for years.

Since going no contact, it’s honestly been the most peaceful few months I’ve had in a long time. But then my sister messaged me, saying she doesn’t understand why I’m doing this and that I’m being ungrateful considering everything our parents have done for us.

I explained everything—how I’ve felt for years, how this latest incident was the final straw. Instead of acknowledging any of it, she told me to stop bringing up the past. So…AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Donotpressthisbutton said:

Tell your sister that she is welcome to replace you fully in your parents life, including buying an apartment and renting it to them at minimal rent.

Healthy-Magician-502 said:

NTA, but you should have said yes when your mom asked if you want them to move out. They’re taking complete advantage of you.

Mysterious_Spark said:

NTA. What your mother did to you over those years was called 'parental alienation'. It is considered child abuse, and in divorce cases, it can be cause to lose custody. There are services available for pet sitting, such as Rover.

They should have arranged care for their animals, so you could go on your special trip. They would not be there at all if you had not helped them. Like you said, your life is more peaceful. Stick to your guns.

Leading-Row4635 said:

NTA. Keep your new found peace. Your sister reacted the way she did because your mom is probably looking for her to fill the emotional void you left and she wants none of it!

ChicagoWhiteSox35 said:

NTA. Stop supporting these people. Sister can if she wants to. But you're not obligated to. You've been supporting them for TEN YEARS. Enough already.

LavendarGal said:

NTA...but maybe just up their rent a bit. Tell them you do not want them to move out, they can still live there, but they need to help and pay a bit more each month. See if they till want to live there. Or ask your sister if she wants to pay their living expenses.