'AITA for going low contact after my little sister ruined my father/daughter dance?' + UPDATE
"AITA for going low contact after my little sister ruined my father/daughter dance?"
I (28) F just got married to my husband (29) M. It was a beautiful day with amazing friends and family. Some things to get out before the story: I am a child of divorce and my father remarried my stepmom when I was 13.
They now have two kids (12) M and (9) f. I was 16 when my little brother was born and 20 when my little sister was born. Let’s call them ryan and sally. So months leading up to the wedding my then fiancé and I went to my father’s house for dinner on Sunday as we normally do.
After all the small talk and light conversation about our upcoming wedding. (My brother is a junior groomsman and my sister is a junior bridesmaid). My dad decided to clear his throat which usually meant listen. And said he has something serious to talk about.
Me and my fiancé were just intently waiting while my stepmom shifted in her seat and my brother decided to look embarrassed while my sister was smiling while looking at my father. I had no idea what was going to happen but boy was I in for a treat.
Dialogue:
Father: We have something to ask you as we are the ones funding most of the wedding.
Me: ok
Father: Because I am getting older and not knowing the future it would mean the world to me if you’d let me and Sally to have a separate father/daughter dance.
Me: Speechless
Me: I have to definitely think about it but I’m not too sure if I’m comfortable.
Father: Why won’t you just let me and your sister have our moment?
Me: Because it’s MY wedding. MY day where it’s all about me and my fiance getting married. (End dialogue)
My little sister started crying and saying how I was ruining her day of the wedding and she just wants to dance with daddy. And I tried to deflect and just started to apologize and say how it’s just not fair to me too.
My stepmom decided to bring up how I had a father/daughter dance at her wedding and how I should be more grateful of the generosity and repay her kindness. I was dumbfounded, I used to be a real hot head and almost blew up.
I reminded her it was my father’s wedding and I wasn’t sister of the bride I was daughter of the groom and your wedding happened 15 years ago. We ended the conversation with my dad saying please rethink my choices and me and my fiance left shortly afterwards.
My fiance had a lot to say about the situation but mostly was on my side as he wasn’t letting any of his brothers have a mother/son dance. Wedding day arrives and no other talk about what happened months ago comes up and everything goes great.
My sister was a little bit of a brat but I chalked it up to it being early and her a little shy around all my friends and her older cousins (my best friends who aren’t that close to her).
During the reception I danced with my dad and it was tear jerking as we were both crying and just hugging each other at the end of the dance the music changed to a more kid friendly song and my stepmom ushered my little sister to the middle of the dance floor and grabbed my hand to pull me away.
My tears immediately switched into disappointment as what I wished for to not happen happened. As they danced and everyone cheered I was the only one silent. My mother grabbed me and brought me to a bathroom to clean up my face.
She was just as angry as me and almost wanted to smack my stepmother just for embarrassing me. After everything my saint of a little brother hugged me and whispered (I told them not to do it. I love you).
After that night, I haven’t spoken to my father or stepmother since the honeymoon. They have been contacting me through other people as I have blocked them for the time being. I’m getting most of my scoop from my little brother. Now I feel bad because my father is now “depressed” and not leaving his room. AITA?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
Just to clear the air. The song wasn’t finished and I did say earlier that “in the end” but really there was at least like 40 seconds of song. It might not seem like much to most but to me the song was special. If you guys know him it’s Dance with my daughter by Jason Blaine.
And the song was switched to Never grow up by Taylor swift. And honestly if they asked for that song and played it when everyone else was on the dance floor I’d be perfectly fine. If they asked for that song and like still had their moment everyone will be happy.
I’ve dreamed of my wedding ever since I was a little girl and I would assume most young girls would too. It’s a moment that should be remembered for the rest of my life and it was still a great day but the father/daughter dance was special to me.
Yes I’ve already had one at my father’s wedding but it’s my wedding this time. And it’s different to me. I’ll update everyone in the following week cause honestly my dad is my best friend.
He’s been there for me through every life struggle and he was the one who had custody for a reason ( my mom is fine and healthier and strong and I love her so much). My dad is my Superman and I don’t want to change our relationship but I think this will def need some boundaries to be placed.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA Your father went against your wishes on your day. He made a choice now he can live with the consequences. At least for a while. When you danced with dad at his and stepmom's wedding it was a dance that they set up.
You didn't steal their dance. He chose to replace you during one of the most important moments of your life. He didn't just have a second dance with her he completely replaced you. If he's depressed he needs therapy.
Wrong_Positive5641 (OP)
Thanks for the support! I am sad about being told my father is depressed because I do love him very much and he’s been there for me for all the ups and downs in my life and I don’t want to accept this but this changes everything about our relationship and I don’t want that.
NTA Your father and stepmom both overstepped and let a 9 yo be a brat. They could have danced, but not by themselves immediately AFTER your dance with your dad. And holding the "we are paying for most of it" over your head is a huge AH move!
I don't blame you for not talking to them. Your dad is "depressed" because he knows he screwed up. And if I was your mom, I probably would have smacked your stepmom and your 1/2 sister.
Girl, I would have literally turned off the music ☠️
Wrong_Positive5641 (OP)
?. If I could go back in time I would but I didn’t want to make a scene honestly and I fully went into a panic attack and was ushered into a bathroom by my mom.