'AITA for going completely no contact with my BFF over lies her husband told everyone about me?'
"AITA for going completely no contact with my BFF over lies her husband told everyone about me?"
So I (29F) have been best friends with let's call her Linda (28F) for 12 years now. We became very close as we met in church and was in the same group and basically did everything together even living in the same house though different rooms.
I got married a few years ago and Linda was my MOH and she really pulled through for me. On her wedding to her long time boyfriend who I have also known for the years when he came into her life I had just had my first child who was only 3 weeks old.
I had had CS and was still in pain but I sucked it up and bundled my baby up taking every precautions necessary to attend her wedding because I didn't want to miss out on it if I wasn't doing much to help like she did for me.
In our culture, at your engagement you get to share items to the guests while you also get gifts of mostly money from the guests. I had a lot of my items left for mine so I donated those to Linda for free for her engagement and I was so happy that at least I did something for her. I paid half for her wedding cake and also bought her her wedding shoe and the groom and best man's ties. This all happened four years ago.
Now, this Christmas I sent gifts to Linda and her family as she now has 2 children with her husband let's call him Josh (30M). Early this year after new years I started hearing rumors from our shared friends and it wasn't pleasant at all to hear.
I didn't think much of it till Linda's mum called me and started ranting about me being a poisonous figure and a green snake under the green grass and trying to ruin my friend's marriage. Honestly I don't even know what she was talking about at the moment so I was shocked.
My husband took the phone from me and spoke to her. My husband came back to me a good 20 minutes later and said he called some friends to investigate the matter and it turned out that, Josh was telling everyone that , I had an issue with him marrying Linda and at the time had tried to separate them.
Then he said I even tried to ruin the wedding by sabotaging their wedding cake. Also he said I had apparently advised Linda to abort their first pregnancy and to leave him when they had some financial crisis.
Heck I was also in a financial crisis during that time and I even encouraged my friend to not quit her boring job at the time cos jobs were scarce. He told these people a whole lot more that I can't even bring my head around to digest and I was so stone shocked.
I tried calling Linda to settle the issue with her and she never picked my call but sent me a message 3 days ago that she doesn't want to talk to me now and she needs time to process everything. Wow.
Later that day I called the caterer who made the cake and the driver I sent to take the items to Linda and spoke to them about the issue and they decided to make a post in our friends group chat and relay everything on there.
I also posted screenshot of all my chats with her and her husband prior to the issues and also put in voice recordings and documented even the current gifts I sent over as Christmas gifts to them and receipts to the ties and the shoe i bought my friend for her wedding and then I left the group followed by my husband, the caterer and the driver.
Since yesterday, our church pastor and a whole lot of people I don't even know have been blowing up my phone for throwing my friend and her husband under the bus and I should have gone about it nicely. So AITAH???
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
RNGinx3 said:
"Our church pastor and a whole lot of people I don't even know have been blowing up my phone for throwing my friend and her husband under the bus, and I should have gone about it nicely."
1.) Tell them "Judge not, least ye be judged." And also, to butt out of it.
2.) Ask them where were they when you were being falsely accused, defamed, and thrown under the bus for something you never did, when in fact you went so far as to (insert receipts here)? And that in return for your kindness and friendship and generosity, they spit in your face and tried to sully your character and your name for reasons only they can fathom: jealousy? Attention? Spite?
3.) Ask them where in the Bible it says you're not allowed to clear your name when falsely accused? And since you were shamed publicly, you had to clear your name publicly. NTA.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. People who spread gossip hate it when they get called out for it. Linda is now an ex-friend. Move on.
OP responded:
She's now in my past. I can't say I don't feel hurt but I know I will find peace moving forward from now on. Thanks.
Adorable-Address5718 said:
NTA. Scorched earth tactics are entirely appropriate when someone's tried to torch your whole life.
Accomplished-Cry-958 said:
Nta that friend and her husband are just jerks firstly your friend for believing her husband over kind you who literally paid for their wedding and gave gifts to the bride and groom not just once but twice... and they way they repaid you is just sh!##y in my opinion
unotruejen said:
So people are mad that you threw them under the bus but don't care that THEY WERE DRIVING THE BUS!?!? Tell that pastor that gossip and lies are sins, telling the truth is righteous
BeachinLife1 said:
Throwing them under the bus?? He was literally slandering and defaming you. I would tell him that if you hear another lie about you, you're suing him for slander and defamation of character!
I'm a little confused...Just exactly what does your friend need to "process?" He told her that you told her to abort their first child? He told HER that you told her to leave him?? Does she not know these conversations never happened? How was the cake sabotaged? Did it not make it to the wedding?
I'm just trying to figure out how this idiot doesn't know her husband is LYING and costing him her best friend. NTA, I would never speak to them again, and I would block everyone who had an "opinion" on it, pastor included.
CristinaKeller asked:
What did the caterer say?
OP responded:
She told everyone I didn't try to sabotage anything and that I even paid for half of the price of the cake she charged. While the driver also told his version of coming to my house to pick up the items and delivering them to my friend at her house.
She later shared these edits to her post:
1.) So I have had a lot of people saying Linda might be being abused so I have spoken to my husband and shown him all the comments I have had and he is also saying he's beginning to think so. So starting tomorrow he and I will be going to investigate the matter and get the real reason and truth out. But hell help Josh if truly he is hurting Linda cos I will deal him a disgusting blow he will never forget in his life.
2.) Thanks to everyone who commented and and also shined light on a possible mistreatment on Josh's side. I really appreciate being heard and being consoled and also being made aware of what might be going on behind the scenes. Thank you so much everyone.