'AITA for going off on a 'friend' for making his fiancee 'morph' into me?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for going off on a 'friend' for making his fiancee morph into me?"

A few years ago, I visited Georgia to see family, I went to church with my grandma to make her happy and got to meet a group of people who later became my friends. Among them was "Mark", he was nice and polite but super religious (I am not at all) and once he expressed interest in me I politely rejected him, I had a boyfriend and was not interested in an LDR.

A year later, I visited twice, the first time I found out Mark was talking to some girl in Mexico, he met her through a friend who had gone to her church while in Mexico. Mark tried coming on to me again during this trip and I again expressed I had a bf.

On my second visit that year I got to meet his GF (let's name her Candy), she was visiting and my first impression was that she was pretty (tall, blonde, super long hair and cute style) but she was iced cold towards me, there was anger in her eyes every time she looked my way, it was strange but I ignored it because I don't live in GA and wouldn't have to deal with them for long.

Then last year, I visited and found out they were engaged. When I saw her I was shocked, she looks like a photocopy of me, her hair was now pitch black, exact same haircut as me and her style had morphed into me (we had very different styles), it was so bad people were mentioning it to me and telling me how creepy it was.

Later during a gathering, I found Candy crying in the bathroom, after some trust-building she spilled the beans. She said Mark had taken her for a makeover and he had chosen everything for her, that she realized he was trying to change her but she loved him and ignored it but when she saw me she couldn't believe her eyes.

She also said he had told her that at some point he and I were an item and he had rejected me but when she asked common friends she was told that wasn't true. She was broken, she said she was poor but had dignity and I felt awful for her.

I returned home and have kept in touch with her (they are no longer together). Then last week he called me and told me he wanted to a chance, he said he knew I was single, he let it slip he knew my address and workplace (I don't share this, I am not active online) and that I was his "twin flame", that we were two halves of the same soul.

I freaked out and went off on him about Candy and about how creepy he sounded, I said he couldn't love me because he didn't know me and to never contact me again. I don't know what he told our friends but now they are calling me telling me I'm the AH because Mark is just in love with me and I am overreacting. I don't think I am, what do you think?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Nta. He is scary, obsessive. You might need to talk to a DV provider about possible stalking.

Terpsichorean_Wombat said:

NTA. Your friends either don't know the whole story or are staring right at a giant waving field of red flags saying "Oooh, pretty!" He was controlling and awful to Candy. Why would you want to sign on for some of that? And you're completely right - he doesn't know you, and that makes his obsession deeply disturbing. Ditto his picking up your address and workplace.

Please be careful. Maybe get a Ring and keep an eye on who is hanging around near your house.

AllPerspicacity said:

Holy Sh!t NTA. Uh, first off, please make sure to keep in touch with & protect Candy. This is some weird stalkerish behaviour that would make the coolest of heads uncomfortable & Candy is at a huge disadvantage with fewer resources to protect herself with.

Secondly, please get a restraining order from Mark, or make it clear to family & friends you do not want him around you & you specifically do not want them sharing information about you with him. Period. No excuses, no platitudes, make it clear you'll absolutely cut them off if they do. It's not their call, it's not up to them, & it's absolutely not their fucking business.

Also please, change your locks at home. If you can, have a live in roommate or get a dog? If you cannot, security system please. Be safe. Change your number, let your workplace know what he looks like & that you do not want him around.

If he shows up somewhere, call the cops(not 911, police station, it's less an emergency & more a welfare protection) immediately & be very clear you want someone removed non violently from your property. Make sure he leaves. If he leaves on his own, still have the cops come by & make a statement with them. Leave a paper trail.

Also, a taser would be great! Please be safe! You're absolutely NTA here, but I'm really really concerned about this.

smolperson said:

NTA - please sit your friends down and set the story straight. You know he lied to Candy about dating you so he is capable of lying like that. If your friends STILL take his side, they are total assholes. But I suspect he lied to them. Good on you for staying kind towards her, she is obviously a victim and he is legit crazy.

OP responded:

They are good people but I think he used the religion card to make them believe him since they are all church-going people and I am not, I went to church because I was taking my grandma.

I was thinking of sending them screenshots of my conversation with him, but I want to try talking to them first without sharing information that may embarrass him greatly. Candy is a very sweet woman, she deserves better and I hope we can remain friends long term.

She later shared these two updates:

For those of you asking, Candy is safe staying with a family from her church until she can safely return home. I live alone but in a different state, I have 2 very loud dogs and a security system (I travel a lot so had it before this mess) and fence to fence with a fire station, I asked my firefighter friends for advice and they have been checking on me. Thanks, everyone for your advice and concern.

I’m going to call a couple of my GA “friends” today, I want to hear what he told them and document that, I want to know if anyone provided him my personal info or he looked it up himself.

I have a very unique last name, as in when you google me only crap from when I was a teen comes up because I’m the only one with that full name and I’m not active on social media anymore (closed FB a year ago and never really shared anything of value there) except for insta and I use a pseudonym.

I will give you guys an update once I talked to the GA group. I’m not going to lie, once my “friends” started saying I was overreacting they made me doubt myself, I knew better and from the get-go should have said something but they kept telling me he was just “in love” and didn’t know how to behave because “church”, which honestly is a lot of BS but I thought If I ignored it, it would go away.

FINAL UPDATE: I wasn't expecting this much engagement, thanks to everyone for sharing your stories and for providing advice. I tend to avoid confrontation but reading all this information made me realize I need to take this situation seriously.

I used one of the websites mentioned here and searched for my name + my state, it was freaky all the information I found, I am going to check and see if I can ask for my information to be removed.

I spoke with one of the friends from GA, she said Mark is giving them a different story. To save you the details basically, he told them I've been teasing him and giving him mixed signals and that he had my personal info because he wanted to send me flowers. I sent her the screenshots and she will talk to the others, at this point my mind is exhausted.

I want to clarify that I don't believe his religion is at fault for his mental state but I do believe he may have an obsessive-compulsive disorder because his obsession with religion is quite freaky as well.

I will continue to take precautions and look into getting something on record, at this time he hasn't done anything to merit a restraining order (per one of the firefighters next door and the internet) but I will at least keep records.

I wish all of this was an episode of some show or a product of a very active imagination, unfortunately for me, this is reality. But thank you for making me laugh with the 90-day fiance references. Again, thank you and good night. KZ