'AITA for going on vacation alone after my parents bait-and-switched me last Christmas?'

"AITA for going on vacation alone after my parents bait-and-switched me last Christmas?"

I am a longtime listener, and I’m coming here for a reality check. A bit of background to this situation: I (29F) have lived abroad for about 8 years. I come home a few times a year, but due to work obligations, I wasn’t able to be home for the holidays for about six years. Until last Christmas, when I was finally able to take some time off.

My parents invited me to stay in their spare room, I booked non-refundable tickets, and I thought everything was good. I was really excited!

Anyway, a few weeks before I was set to leave, my mom called me and said actually I couldn’t stay with them and I’d need to book a hotel or Airbnb. She said my sister, Bailey (27F), and her partner would actually be staying in the spare room. They would also be bringing Bailey’s two cats.

I am pretty allergic to cats. My throat closes up, I get hives and a red ring around my lips, and my eyes swell. This is not an anaphylactic or life threatening allergy, to be clear, but it’s pretty uncomfortable. My whole family knows about my allergy.

I could’ve just slept on the couch or something, but because my sister was bringing her cats, I didn’t want to be wheezing and scratching the entire time. Bailey’s partner is an attorney, she has a good professional job, and they live in a LCOL area of the rural Midwest.

They could easily afford to board their cats or pay someone to watch them, but my sister didn’t want to. The cats also can’t stay with my sister’s in-laws (they live five minutes from my parents) because Bailey’s older cat has FIV and they don’t want to spread it to the in-laws’ cat.

I was upset when my mom uninvited me to stay with them. The whole purpose of this visit was family time, and I’d miss out a lot staying in a hotel and avoiding my parents’ house due to the cats. I asked my mom why she didn’t ask my sister to leave her cats at home. She said Bailey would cancel her visit if the cats weren’t allowed, but my mom knew I’d come home no matter what.

So I stayed in an Airbnb while visiting, and the visit was lonely and kind of a dud. While my parents, Bailey, my BIL, and our two teenage siblings were hanging out at home, I was only able to join when they were outside of the house. I felt very excluded. I wish I would’ve just gone on vacation instead.

For additional context: My sister Bailey is the golden child, and I’m kind of a scapegoat. There have been lots of examples over the years — Bailey took dance and riding lessons, while I stayed home to babysit; Bailey got hugs and handmade cards from my mom, but my mom rarely showed me affection — and this feels like the same old issues.

This year, I’ll have some vacation time in December, and I’m hesitant to go home. I decided to spend a few days with my parents, then go on vacation alone for the rest of my days off. My parents claim they’ll ban the cats this year and make sure I have a place to sleep, but I don’t trust that claim 100%.

Am I being entitled and vindictive, or is this just setting boundaries? I understand that I’m not entitled to stay at their house whenever I want. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

TheMoanIdentity said:

NTA at all. Sucks you had to deal with that drama, and kudos to you for standing up for yourself! It kinda sucks but fam can be the worst sometimes. Take that vacay, treat yo self! You got every right to enjoy your time off however you want – and if they can't respect your boundaries, then it's their loss.

This_Cauliflower1986 said:

NTA. You are visiting your parents and choosing to take care of yourself too. Win win. And you pick the terms. We limit visits with my spouses family due to similar reasons because it doesn’t feel like a good use of vacation time to be excluded or with people who put you last.

AcceptableExtent9236 said:

Absolutely NTA they showed you how little they cared about your comfort and time last year. They knew you were allergic to cats last year and that didn’t change their decision to prioritize your sister over you, why would it now? Have a good, relaxing vacation without having to rely on them after they’ve proven to be unreliable.

freedom31mm said:

NTA - Book a night in a hotel, have dinner and a visit, then go where you want to go. You will never have the validation from them you want. Don’t let them manipulate you. As soon as your sister finds out you are coming she will steal their attention again. Make peace with not having a relationship with them. - Fellow Black Sheep