'AITA for secretly going to a picnic while my BF was at a wedding I wasn’t invited to?'
"AITA for secretly going to a picnic while my BF was at a wedding I wasn’t invited to?"
Let me start by saying that I understand weddings are expensive, and brides can invite whoever they want — that’s totally valid. But in this case, my boyfriend had the right to bring a plus one, and if it wasn’t me, it could’ve been someone else.
If he had gotten back together with his ex, she would’ve been invited. The groom even asked if he wanted to bring his mom as a plus one, since he’s currently with me. My boyfriend is the best man, and he said he’d like to bring me, but the groom vetoed it.
Apparently, it’s because we went to school together — from first to eighth grade — and I had a falling out with one of his best friends about ten years ago. He said my presence at the wedding could make things uncomfortable.
So I decided not to tell my boyfriend what I was doing that day. I went to a picnic to celebrate the birthday of one of my friend’s dogs, and I only told him about it when I got home around 5 p.m.
He got really upset and said he wasn’t in the mood to talk to me. He told me he was hurt that I didn’t share my plans, because that’s something you’re supposed to do in a relationship.
He also said it wasn’t his fault that his friend didn’t allow me to be his plus one. I said okay, and that I’d let him know if I was going out at night. But now I’m wondering... AITA?
Just clarifying a few things: Back in middle school, the groom was part of a group of people who used to make fun of me—if he wasn’t the leader, he was at least involved. One of his friends, with whom I had a rough history, and I dated briefly about ten years ago.
It didn’t end well, but when we were around 18, he came to me and apologized for everything. We haven’t spoken since. He actually asked about me at the party and was surprised I wasn’t there. Others asked about me too.
My boyfriend wasn’t upset about the dog picnic itself—it was more about the fact that I didn’t tell him when I decided to go. He felt that discussing plans like that is just a normal part of being in a relationship.
But he was fine with the picnic itself. There were no guys at the dog party, just girls and their dogs. The picnic had a dog cake and a human cake, food for both, and birthday hats for all the puppies (which only stayed on long enough for a few pictures before they took them off).
We brought presents for the dog. That friend is a bit older and has a young daughter who wanted to do something special for her first puppy. It was a last-minute thing. Yes, I was a bit hurt by the whole situation and kind of wished my boyfriend had defended me. But I didn’t do anything on purpose.
I didn’t go out for a girls’ night like some friends suggested—not because it would’ve been wrong, but because I wasn’t in the mood and didn’t want to do something just to be petty.
I asked if I was the AITA because I didn’t want to upset him. I know he’s hurt by the situation too, and maybe he felt like I was trying to get back at him. Maybe I could’ve handled things better.
Also, I don’t usually tell smal plans beforehand, I usually tell when we’re talking about our days and he usually gets upset about that, I simply forget to tell beforehand sometimes. Today he got a bit more upset than usual about this. Thank you to everyone who understood me.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You weren’t obligated to sit around waiting for him while he attended a wedding that excluded you over ancient drama. You lived your day; that’s healthy.
NTA but your BF is. He didn't make a stand for you so he doesn't get a vote on your plans. Just live your best life.
Honestly, definitely not the AH. You didn’t do anything wrong by living your life while he was at an event you weren’t even allowed to attend. You respected their decision about the wedding, didn’t cause drama, and just went to a harmless picnic. He doesn’t get to be upset that you had your own plans you’re his girlfriend, not his shadow.
Did he even ask you what your plans were? If you lied, that's a bit petty but I still wouldn't say you're the AH. If he didn't ask at all and just assumed you were sitting around at home waiting for him then this is entirely on him 🤷🏻♀️
Ashamed_Beginning271 (OP)
He didn’t ask.
NTA. He had plans you weren't invited and so like a mature person you made your own plans. Did he expect you to sit around and cry the whole time.
I’m so confused. Why does he care what you do when he is busy? Was the friend who had the party like an ex or was there someone attending who makes your boyfriend uncomfortable? I don’t understand why you chose not to tell him as punishment and why he would be mad about it.
Ashamed_Beginning271 (OP)
One of the groom’s best friend is my ex.
But 10 years ago, right? Unless you did something really egregious he should be able to handle being at a wedding with you.
NTA. It’s rich that your boyfriend allowed you to be sidelined and then threw a tantrum about not being informed of the alternative plans you had to make.
Like why would it matter if she had told him. he wasn't going to ditch his plans as the best man to go to a dogs birthday party with her. Although no lie the dogs party sounds better anyway.... Like if I had to choose between that or hanging out with people holding onto decades dead beef.... Does the dog like beef bones, or squeak toys.
Your boyfriend doesn’t have enough backbone to get his girlfriend to a wedding he’s the best man in, then gets mad at you for going to a picnic? Your boyfriend is the AH, not you.
All the males in this incident sound like immature jerks. You had a falling out with one 10 years ago and the groom is still holding it against you? It would make another guest "uncomfortable"?
Both of them need to grow up. Your BF flipping out because you opted to socialize with others on the day of the wedding you were specifically excluded from?
Seriously, you can do better than this.