Wiife discovers husband canceled plane ticket for sister's wedding, hidden action against babysitter. AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for still going to my sister's wedding after my husband canceled my plane ticket?"
Walls_Windows1376
Here's the situation. My husband [36] and I [30] have 3 kids [2, 4, 7] . I'm a SAHM (full time) and I take care of the kids while my husband works (full time). My sister's wedding was last week. We live hours away which is an issue for my husband.
When we first got the invite he told me that he wasn't going, that he will stay for the kids and suggested I do the same. Since the wedding doesn't allow kids and my husband doesn't want to hire a babysitter after the one we had robbed us.
We had gone back and forth on this. but I insisted on going since that's my only sister and I want to attend what might be a once in a lifetime event for her. He chuckled at my statemtment then we stopped talking about it.
As the wedding was appraoching, He brought it up and told me to miss it and stay with the kids. I suggested that since no babysitters were allowed then, I could get my friend to stay with the kids but he refused. I ignored him, spoke to my friend who agreed to watch the kids and booked a ticket to travel to my sister's town in time.
My husband found out and went on about how he had work, and that the most logical solution is that I stay home with the kids and let him make his living. I told him that I already took care of the kids and they'll stay with my friend. Honestly? I grew inpatient.
The day of my flight I dropped the kids off at my friend's place then headed to the airport. I found out he had canceled my plane ticket. I was upset but still insisted on going so I went home and got into my car and drove 4hrs to get to the town.
At 5pm. My husband called and was freaking out on me asking where I was. I told him I made it to my sister's town and he blew up saying I wasn't supposed to go, even said he canceled my ticket to get me to stay.
He demanded I return but I said not until the wedding was over. He called me horrible, neglectful mom then had his mom scold me and accuse me of abandoning my own kids.
There was a huge argument ensued when I returned home and my husband kept on saying I was horrible to leave the kids and to ignore him like that and do what I wanted eventually. He's giving me silent treatment as of now and I can no longer take it. I felt guilty and did NOT enjoy the wedding AT ALL. Was I wrong for still going? My husband dislikes my sister if it's relevant.
UPDATE: So a lot of people on here brought up the possibility of my husband lying about the robbery that happened months ago and accusing the babysitter of stealing just so I can't hire any other babysitters. He was the one who discovered the "robbery" I never saw or talked her after he kicked her out.
Upon reading the comments I'm now suspecting that he made this whole thing up. I'm going to contact the babysitter to get the whole story from..Hopefully I'm wrong but I will talk to her and see if her story contredicts his in any way. I'll keep you updated.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
waywardjynx
Financial abuse? Yup Isolating you from loved ones? Yup Controlling behavior? Yup. NTA and please leave the AH (he should be required to give you child support and alimony). You are not neglectful, your kids were taken care of.
Walls_Windows1376 (OP)
Thank you so much! The childcare arrangement issue has been making my life ×10 harder. After that babysitter robbed us, my husband decided that no babysitter is allowed into our home anymore.
I disagreed because of how illogical his decision was and now look at how much we're struggling...I'M struggling actually without outside help. Thank God for my friend! She's like a sister to me.
RedditUser123234
"After that babysitter robbed us, my husband decided that no babysitter is allowed into our home anymore."
Do you have confirmation that the babysitter actually robbed you? Based on how manipulative he is cancellling your ticket, I wouldn't put it past him to frame your babysitter as an excuse to never hire another one again, so that he can keep you trapped in your home.
Aussiebiblophile
"horrible, neglectful mom'"
From the man that did everything he could to not have to parent his own kids for a weekend. Your relationship is not healthy. He is manipulating and controlling. Hopefully the comments here open your eyes. NTA.
Vequihellin
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Run. Run now. He's controlling and isolating you from family. You're already beholden to him as the 'bread winner' and he cancels a plane ticket to force you to stay away form your family, then has his mother 'scold you'? You need to gtfo of there ASAP.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Walls_Windows1376
So I contacted the babysitter via social media. I sent her a DM telling her who I was and mentioning the incident that happened at our home. I didn't think she'd respond given that it's been over 7 months since she left us. But I was surprised when she responded in 2hrs time.
I, again memtioned the incident to her and asked if she could explain to me what happened. She sent me a long wall of text swearing she never took anything from our home and that my husband came home and was lashing out at her AND the kids for no reason. She said that they didn't talk to him that day.
But then she brought up a previous interaction they both had then she claimed that he touched her inappropriately while he was in the kitchen with her. This caught me off guard. I asked her to expend on that and she said she wasn't sure it was an accident or that he did it deliberately.
She said he didn't say anything but his looks made her uncomfortable. She also said she was willing to let it go til she saw that he started leaving her texts days later demanding she respond to him.
Then the day he accused her of the robbery, he just lashed out at her criticizing her work and then told her to leave and not come back. She said he didn't accuse her of anything being stolen, just lashed out and told her to leave.
I couldn't wrap my head around this. I just...really I don't know what to say. basically she was saying he tried to hit on her? but then said she wasn't sure it was an accident...then he just all of a sudden came home one day and lashed out then told her to leave...I can't make sense of this.
I went to try to speak to him on that but he kept blocking my attempts to discuss it so I blew up, showed him what the banysitter sent me and he remained calm, which's completely out of charcter of him.
He kept repeating the line "she's lying to you" while I absolutely lost it on him. I threatened to take the kids and go stay with my friend which what I'm gonna do TODAY after he leaves the house.
Since he said that "I can't do that" then I'm waiting til he's out. He kept calling me crazy to believe some kid's story over his and insisted that I was looking to dig up dirt to start a fight.
I refused to continue fighting I just kept my distance from him. This is just horrible, I did not see this coming and I feel like a cold wave just hit me and...I don't know what to say about this and worst of all is that I have no evidence or prove. I'm gonna be taking some space from him for now til I clear my mind and think of what I'm going to do going forward.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NotAMuchTallerWoman
Take the kids. If you have messages screenshot everything. Screenshot what the babysitter told you. Screenshot you buying the ticket and then he cancelling it. If his mother thrashed you via DMs, screenshot that too.
Don’t yield on this. The first step of everything is realizing something is not good. You already reached out that step. Your family will help you. Your friends will help you. Don’t yield, don’t give up and good luck.
Walls_Windows1376 (OP)
Yes. I'm too overwhelmed right now but I'll make sure to store those messages (I already keep all his messages) including his mom's verbal attacks toward me. It's awful the way he and his mom treat me, infront of the KIDS no less! I'm at the end of my robe and I feel sufficated and my chest feels tight and heavy. I will need to get fresh air later on and away from the kids just so I could get my thoughts in order.
consequences274
Probably tried to hit on her sister and got rejected, could be why he hates her.
GrandeJoe
If a dude openly tells you that you "can't go" after a fight, and also openly cancels your plane ticket without a blink, then that dude clearly sees you as his property, and you gotta get out of there ASAP, because people break their property all the time.
GrumpyMcGrumpyPants
I'm frankly a bit shocked that he admitted that he cancelled the ticket to force her to stay. Fingers crossed that OP was able to get herself and her kids safely away from that terrible person.
brownshugababy
This is very frog in boiling water. OP doesn't see it but the rest of us do. Nothing this man did is unpredictable or surprising. He's always been awful. He's textbook abusive. I have nothing to say except I hope she and the kids got out safely.