'AITA for calling my brother controlling when he said that I'm the golden child?'
"AITA for calling my brother controlling when he said that I'm the golden child?"
Ambitious_One9423
I (F21) live with my parents. I'm a full-time student and I do seasonal work during the holidays. My parents don't charge me rent and I understand that I'm quite privileged.
I have one sibling, my brother Curtis (M28). He moved out 4 years ago and lives with his wife and two kids, ages 10 and 6. Curtis and I recently had a big argument and I think he is being unreasonably hostile towards me and owes me an apology. I ranted about this situation to a friend and she suggested I post it here, I don't normally go on reddit.
The argument started because my parents brought up my living situation at dinner and mentioned that the house will feel empty when I move out. Curtis said that he thinks that I am spoiled because they do not charge me rent, and that he thinks it is unfair that they charged him rent when he lived under their roof but don't charge me rent.
My dad told Curtis to stop it and that that was different: Curtis already had a kid when he was 18 and was working full-time, and also had his different girlfriends at the time living in the house.
After dinner, me, my mom and Curtis were alone in the kitchen and he again brought it up. He accused our mom of "coddling" me and said that if I was his child, he'd charge me rent. My mom kept deliberately talking over him but Curtis kept bringing it up and raising his voice. I just left the room and he followed me a few minutes later.
He accused me of being the golden child and said he doesn't understand why our parents won't listen to him. I called him controlling and said that whether I pay rent to them is actually not his business and doesn't affect his life.
He started full-on screaming at me and said he'd NEVER be controlling towards his family and I was horrible to even say that. Everyone else heard his screaming and his wife told him it was time for them to go home and they left. I'm feeling quite lost on this situation and I'm wondering if I was the a$$h0l3.
Edit: To clarify, my parents did help out a lot with each child, especially my brother's firstborn. It wasn't a roommate relationship or something. They paid for all the big ticket baby items like the crib and stroller, and babysat a lot.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Unlikely-Shop5114
NTA. I don’t really see the disparity. He brought 3 people into the household when you were a minor. Your parents put a roof over his, his child and another adults heads. Of course he should be contributing to the costs accumulated.
It could be worded that he was rent free, the rent was because there was a non-family member adult in the household. And a child is expensive so he should be contributing to the extra costs of having a baby/toddler in the house. I doubt the rent he paid even covered their expenses, and he was happy to pay them at the time.
sdlucly
He was a parent at 18, and had also brought into the house a girlfriend (and sounds like several women after that). I think it was fair that they charged him rent, he was an "adult" really wanting to hit all the adult points.
"I doubt the rent he paid even covered their expenses, and he was happy to pay them at the time."
Parents (usually) won't mind giving you and your children food, but it's still 3 more mouths to feed.
cryinoverwangxian
I would just ask your parents to handle it. Let them know how you felt and that you don’t want to be chased through your own home to be berated. I have a brother much like this.
Very abusive, moved in with my folks with his wife and had a baby on the way, wouldn’t get a job because he had ideas that certain jobs were beneath him. Meanwhile I was working two jobs and contributing to bills.
My parents ultimately decided to get him a house, largely to get rid of him and his wife. It wasn’t enough for him and he was always demanding more. Yours doesn’t sound quite that bad, but him chasing you to continue to verbally abuse you is in fact abusive behavior. He is trying to control your parents and failing that to hurt you. NTA.
Brainjacker
If you were his child he’d charge you rent, but he’d never be controlling toward his family. lol. Bro doesn’t seem like the sharpest tool in the shed. Your dad already tried to explain that one person living in the house vs one person, and possibly their child, and their myriad girlfriends, isn’t the same. If that’s too difficult to understand it’s not your problem. NTA.
OrganizationLarge630
NTA, sounds like my older brother. He complained to my Dad that since I was living at home working not going to school I should be charged rent. None of my brothers ever had to pay rent. My Dad the boss that he was, said why?
Ever since your Mom had a stroke your sister since the age of 8 stepped up and has always done more work around here than you three boys. It took all of you just to get the yard work done. Shut him up real quick.
Regular-Coast7158
It's odd that they would charge him rent because he had a child that he needed to make money for. However, they were housing his child and also helping raise the child. He has a 10 and 6 year old and only just moved out 4 years ago. So I do think it made sense to charge him rent.
Being a full time student who only has time to work seasonal jobs doesn't really allow one to pay rent. He's jealous that he made some irresponsible choices when he was younger and resents you for not, and inaccurately blaming you and dubbing you the "golden child" for not putting yourself in the same circumstances as him.
To continue to raise his voice over your mom when your mom clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore, following you out of the room to continue insulting you, and then SCREAMING contradictory insults at you?
He's really immature and has a lot of misplaced anger for someone who's a father of two children and is a whole 7 years older than you. He needs therapy and you're NTA.