Goom refuses to let dad's ex be in the family photos at his wedding, 'she was my aunt's plus-one.'AITA?
"AITA for not letting my dad's ex, who was my aunt's +1, be in family photos at my wedding?"
I (26M) got married a month ago and some wedding drama has since come to light mostly via my aunt, who's my dad's older sister. Aunt decided to take dad's ex wife as her +1. Dad and his ex have been divorced for 5 years now. They got married when I was 7 though which is where my aunt is coming into play.
Dad had me and my three older siblings when he met his ex. They met not too long after my mom died. But it took a few months for them to start dating. None of us (siblings and me) really connected with her or cared much for her. To us, she was dad's wife who couldn't have kids of her own and saw us as her chance at motherhood.
She made us uncomfortable sometimes with how insistent she was that she was now the mom of the family. It got really awkward at times when we were younger and dad was doing something for us but she wanted to do it instead. My aunt always liked that she tried to step in and become mom.
For one, she never liked our mom. But it was also her belief that when kids lose one parent, someone needs to fill that space for them. So when dad and his ex divorced and none of my siblings or I kept in contact with his ex, it pissed her off.
She told us repeatedly she felt the ex deserved better and she should be regarded as mom in some way after all those years. She should be seen as someone worth keeping around to all of us.
I didn't know before my wedding day that the ex was her plus one. It didn't bother me. But I was clear that she wasn't going to be in the wedding photos. My aunt hated it and she expected to be able to sneak her in but no that was taken care of. My aunt also wanted me to dance with the ex but I didn't.
After the wedding, my aunt went a little crazy on me and since then she has told me on an almost daily basis that she thinks I was a sh$%head for doing that to the ex. She told me I had mom for 5 years but I had the ex for 14 and she did most of the raising of me and my siblings so we should all be keeping her as mom and for the future as grandma.
She told me it was disgusting to exclude her during the wedding too when she was already there. I told my aunt I hadn't invited the ex and I was never going to. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Backgrounding-Cat said:
NTA, but I am amused how people in the bride’s family now think this random person is your aunt’s gf whom aunt is trying to push on everyone.
Cursd818 said:
NTA. Tell your aunt that you are disgusted by her behaviour and that she has no say on who is your family, no matter how many tricks she tries to play. Warn her that the only thing she is doing is excommunicating herself from your family for a stranger, and that if she wants to make that choice, goodbye.
SpaceCat902 said:
NTA. Is there any reason you need to keep in touch with the aunt? It sounds like she’s been obnoxious since you were 7.
Muted_Memory_3074 said:
NTA. Your wedding isn't a reunion for your dad's ex-wife to relive her glory days as mom of the year. If your aunt wants to keep inviting her, that’s on her, but you’ve got every right to say no.
It’s your day, not a “let’s make the ex feel special” party. Plus, dancing with her? hard pass! Sounds like your aunt is stuck in a soap opera, and you’re just trying to enjoy your happily ever after.
cassowary32 said:
NTA. She hadn't been part of your life for 5 years and it sound like you didn't have much of a relationship with her before that. It is kinda sad that you and your siblings didn't warm up to her at all (and curious that your dad continued the marriage knowing you couldn't stand her). Was she at your other siblings' weddings?
Shichimi88 said:
Nta. Good job on keeping your dad’s ex from your photos. Keep your aunt on an info diet. Especially if you have a child. Don’t tell her.