'AITA for getting mad at my fiancé because his little sister wants to move in?'
"AITA for getting mad at my fiancé because his little sister wants to move in?"
I know this sounds bad just by the title but hear me out. I 25F have been with my fiancé 27M for 5 years. Ever since the beginning of our relationship his sister 18F has always hated me. Despite all the holidays we spent together and all the times I tried to have a good relationship with her she has always made it out to be about her.
For example: we share the same birthday and my fiance had gotten me this Dior perfume I was always wanting. The day of my birthday comes and we find the perfume bottle in his little sisters trash can and the bottle had been completely smashed. He asked her what happened to the perfume and she said that she wanted to smell it and dropped it on the floor.
It didn’t make sense to me but I let it go. This was just the start of everything. When it came to Christmas he had to make sure she always got a better gift or more expensive gift because if not she would throw a literal toddler tantrum at her grown age.
When me and my financé found out we were expecting his mom threw us a gender reveal and we made the instructions clear that NO ONE except for her was to know the gender (we said that because my SIL would always say she would hate the baby if it was a boy) the day of the gender reveal comes and to a surprise...IT'S A BOY!
I cannot make this up but she threw the biggest tantrum saying the baby was ugly and she hated him. After that day i completely distanced myself from her. I know you’re wondering, who does she live with...etc.
She lives with my in-laws but they have made it a habit of being spoiled rotten that they can’t even say no to her and prefer to give in instead of hearing her cry. She works a full time job and gets paid a decent amount for someone who is completely useless. Although she works she doesn’t pay anything...no gas, insurance, phone bill.
And she knows her family struggles to make ends meet and she continues to dig them deeper in debt to the point where my fiance and I have to step. Recently my in laws made the decision of moving to Mexico and we’re planning on taking her but she completely refused and volunteered herself to live me and my fiance.
We had a talk yesterday the entire family about her wanting to live with us and I told them NO. They looked at me shocked thinking I would say yes because I’m such a push over but I told them she needed to find somewhere else to go and left it at that.
Everyone ends up leaving and my fiancé is giving me the silent treatment and when I ask him what the problem is he completely goes off saying I was disrespectful and because of me his sister is gonna be on the streets and I reminded him of the continuous “competition“ I’ve been dealing with for the last 5 years.
I told him it wasn’t fair that he or his parents would never say anything to his sister when she sabotaged his gift to me and let her get away with it. He said nothing and walk away. My family thinks I’m being completely reasonable about her not staying with us but AITA?
Edit: I apologize for not specifying this but yes he has gotten onto her for insulting our child amongst the other things. Even though this doesn’t justify her behavior or his we have made it a habit to simply ignore anything she says as reacting just gives her more reason to talk. I know this doesn’t change anything and I respect everyone’s opinion. Thank you all! (WILL POST AN UPDATE).
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Simple rule: If two people are living together, any third person moving in requires two yeses.
NTA - she hates your baby too… personally, I wouldn’t allow anyone that disrespects me to live in my house and certainly not when someone incapable of defending themselves will be present. Who knows what she’ll do to your baby when she realizes he gets all the attention.
That being said, your fiance sucks - he doesn’t stand up for you at all. I’d rethink marrying him without counseling or a serious change in his behavior.
she definitely does . he is 6mo and still gets called ugly by her. and I told him the exact same thing!
ESH except the baby. Her for being a spoiled brat, her parents for spoiling her, your fiancé for putting her first ahead of his partner and child, and you and your fiancé for bringing a child into this situation. New flash, your fiancé will continue to put her first, ahead of your baby. Yet you chose to have a child with him and are still engaged with him.
Putting your foot down about her living there is better than nothing, but you need to do better about having someone who is already verbally a&^%$e to your baby (do you think it will get better once the child is old enough to understand?) and her enablers around. Your baby needs at least one parent in his corner, and the father clearly isn’t.
Do you have your plan for when this happens? Do you know exactly where you and the baby will go? Which family or friend’s house for night one? Do you have a deposit saved up for your own apartment?
Do you have a job or are you a SAHM? You say you will leave with no hesitation, but this sounds like an inevitability, do you actually have a plan because you are going to need to execute it in the near future.
yes I do have a plan. I have been saving a little money each check and I have a trust fund that hasn’t been touched. I am actually a PICU nurse!
Info - why did you think/know she would react negatively to the baby because it was a boy and not a girl?
When we announced we were expecting to his family her attitude instantly changed and from that day until the gender reveal she said herself she would hate him if he was a boy & after the gender reveal until his birth she did the same saying he was ugly and she hated him.
Why does your fiance think her treatment towards your son is ok? I hope he's not just brushing it under the rug and claiming "she'll be better, I promise". NTA And for your own peace of mind, do not let that person live with you. She has options, and you don't owe your peace of mind in order for her to have more options.
He’s gotten into with her but it’s just a constant back and forth with her because she will never accept that she is in the wrong yk . So it came to a point where if something is said we simply ignore it.
Ask him what he’s gonna do when she picks up the baby and “accidentally” drops him? NTA
we’ve actually had a couple of what ifs and how he would respond to each situation since she doesn’t gaf what I say and for this scenario he actually said he’d cuss her out and kick her out if it happened at our home.
That doesn’t keep the baby from getting hurt.
agreed . if any type of accident was to occur though at least on my watch I’d never let her see him again.
Jesus. I hate to say it but let him have his sister and you get to keep the baby. Man. In addition to what everyone else has said I just keep rereading your comment and I think your husband might be a dumb$%^.