I, an 18-year-old female, was named after my aunt who tragically died in a car accident at the age of 15, almost 20 years ago. I was told that when I was born, my grandma saw my red hair and fervently requested my parents to name me after my aunt.
They agreed to her request. From a young age, I was aware that my grandma favored me, and this favoritism caused resentment among my other cousins. I didn't appreciate her showing favoritism towards me; I simply wanted to be treated like any other family member.
She would often say things like, "You have red hair, just like your aunt," or "Your aunt used to enjoy art" (even though I'm not interested in art), and she would encourage me to pursue it. I declined, which would upset her, and she would say, "Your aunty liked her hair in this style." I complained to my parents, but they just told me that I brought her comfort. It was frustrating!
My 18th birthday was two weeks ago, and my friends and I had planned a weekend road trip to celebrate. My grandma disapproved and mentioned that my aunt would have celebrated with a party at home. I finally lost my temper and said, "That's because I'm not her.
Stop trying to make me be your dead daughter; I'm sick of it!" My grandma started crying and left the room. I immediately regretted my outburst. My family scolded me for making my grandma cry, except for my dad, who looked concerned and stood up for me.
He asked everyone to leave. My mother was upset with me, like everyone else, and demanded that I apologize to my grandma, but I refused.
My dad told me not to worry about it and encouraged me to enjoy my road trip, saying that things would settle down by the time I got back. However, it hasn't settled down; everyone is still upset, and my grandma hasn't spoken to me either.
Here are the top comments from the post:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). Do you like your name? You are 18. If you don't like it, it may be time to get a name change.
She favors you. It has already damaged your relationships with cousins due to her favoritism. She really thinks you are a replacement daughter, especially since your whole life she has tried to get you to be exactly like her daughter.
NTA. Could use a "Grandma, I'm sorry for blowing up at you the way I did, but this is a conversation that has been a long time coming. I don't feel like you love ME. You love some other person that I remind you of.
The only affection I can remember is about how much you love someone I have never met. It's like a 1000 yard stare instead of someone actually looking at you. I am my own person."
NTA. You are not your grandmother’s support animal or comfort blanket. You are YOU. Sounds like the family has gone the path of least resistance for years, and maybe sometimes that has been something you’ve been ok with, but you do not need to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Your parents, and all that enabled your grandmother to postpone her healing in this way are the AHs. Forge a path. Your path in a roundabout way, whatever your grandmother’s recollections are, you will probably honor your aunt more as I’m guessing like most people she would have done the same.
What do you think? Was OP right to blow up on her grandmad, or should she have let her grandmother say what she wanted to feel comfort?