Grandparents feud after one set calls the others 'too old to be good grandparents.'
Was it rude to say my daughter's MIL is a child to her face?
My husband and I are the parents of two beautiful children. Our daughter is 25, and our son is 21. Both of our children are adopted from foster care. Our daughter was 2 when she came into our home, and our son was 11 weeks old.
As parents, my husband's and my main goal has always been to ensure that our children grow up to be good people and feel loved and supported by us through all the stages of their lives. Our daughter is now married to a wonderful man, Taylor, and they just had their first child together.
I had a bit of a run-in with my daughter's MIL at the hospital when we went to visit. My daughter's MIL and FIL have always struck me as somewhat arrogant, and my husband and I have both felt like they have made jabs at the fact that my husband and I were "older parents."
Taylor's parents had him when they were 18, and they are grandparents at 43 now. Apparently, this is something that makes them superior to my husband and me as grandparents, according to Taylor's mom.
This all started when we were invited to come meet the baby and see Taylor and our daughter. My husband and I first went to check on how our daughter was doing and if she needed anything. Taylor's parents went straight for the baby. When we were leaving, my husband went to use the restroom, and Taylor's mom followed me and suggested that I was some grandparent when I showed no enthusiasm to meet my grandson.
I asked what she meant by that, and she said I ignored him for the first ten minutes. I corrected her and said I did not ignore my grandson; I checked on my baby first because childbirth can be difficult. She asked how I would know that and then said it must be my age that makes me less interested in grandbabies. I was shocked as this was the most blatant insult she had directed my way.
She then said that she and her husband will be the beloved grandparents because they're young enough to run around with our grandson and play with him without breaking a hip or destroying their backs. I told her she knew nothing about me to say this. She said clearly being old parents came with the disadvantage of being old grandparents, and that would not be fun for a child.
I told her I would rather be an older grandparent than trying to be a grandparent while still behaving like a child myself. She was furious, and I felt bad immediately because I only inflated the problem.
My husband and I left, and he suggested we should speak to Taylor in case his mother twisted things. I didn't want to interrupt their first day as a family of three, so I waited for a couple of days. At that point, Taylor knew something was up with his mom. We talked, and he told me not to worry about it.
He apologized for his mom and asked if his parents had been like that with us previously. His mother has said I declared a grandparent war and that I am clearly looking down my nose at her for being a teenage mother.
Here are some of the top comments from the post:
MotherOfData says:
I think NTA (Not the A%#hole). She started this war by openly insulting you. While you could have been the bigger person, your response was very fitting. Mostly, I think NTA because you even reflected that you probably made it worse.
I also love that you went to check on your daughter first. It's way too common that mothers are ignored and only the baby gets the attention.
Captain_Kisses says:
What is wrong with that crazy woman? Congratulations on your new grandson and well done for showing comfort and love to your daughter as a priority, you sound like a nice mom. Tell the MIL to respect her elders or you’ll put her over your knee becuase to be honest she’s acting like a spoiled kid.
BaskinsButcher says:
NTA if this actually happened, but this some twilight lifetime sh*t, who actually does this?
What do you think? Was OP right to call her daughter's MIL a child or should she have yieled in the "grandparent war."