Groom allows friend's new BF to attend his wedding; 'Her ex-BF is calling this a BETRAYAL.' AITA?
When this groom is concerned about his wedding guest list, he asks the internet:
"AITA for allowing my friend's new boyfriend to come to my wedding?"
I (33 M) am getting married to my fiancé in a couple of weeks and all my guests get a plus one, which is causing drama in our friend group.
Two of my close friends since college, lets call them Jane (35 F) and Mark (38 M), started dating (against my advice) a few years ago. Six months ago they had a messy break up which I made sure not to get the full details of because I did not want it to affect my friendship with either of them.
All I made sure of is that neither of them cheated or abused the other, aside from that I asked them not to discuss the details of their break up with me.
That being said I did notice that Mark was taking it a lot harder than Jane. I often hang out with Mark 1 on 1 especially since the break up (because we cant hang out as a group anymore) and he seems a complete mess.
He would keep looking at her social media and bad mouthing her occasionally which I ask him to not do, at least around me. He's also much more irritable and demotivated since the breakup.
When my wife and I spend time with Jane, it feels like she isn't even really bothered by the break up except for expressing one time that she wish she took my advice about them not dating.
2 months after their break up Jane revealed to us that she is seeing someone new (Tim) and she started posting him on her social media. My wife and I met him shortly after, and he seemed like a nice guy.
He's young (31), was charming and apparently made quite a bit of money. I checked on Mark to make sure he was okay because I was sure he must have seen it on social media, and he was livid, started going off about how he was sure she cheated and there was no way she would have found this guy so soon after their break up.
I confronted Jane about this and she showed me her chat log history, and it confirmed that she and Tim met a month after her break up with Mark, and then she dated him for a month before making it official.
I told this to Mark but he was not having it, he believed that she was cheating on him with this guy while they were together and that's why she pulled away from him. But the thing is, I did ask him when they broke if she cheated on him or if he suspected she was cheating and was insistent that she was not cheating and they were just incompatible.
Anyway, fast forward to now, Jane put something on her social media that indicated that Tim was going to be her plus one to our wedding. Mark called me distraught, and asked me to let her know that this guy is not welcome to our wedding.
I told him that I cant just rescind the invite this close to the date and besides what reason was I to give her to justify barring her boyfriend from coming? I told him that if he had a girlfriend I wouldn't prevent him from bringing her. He said Im being a bad bro and putting a woman between us. He hung up and wont pick up my calls anymore. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say:
gapop writes:
NTA. I will say you handled the situation well by prioritizing fairness and maintaining your friendships. It’s understandable that Mark is hurting, but it's not your responsibility to manage his feelings about Jane's new relationship.
It’s a tough position for everyone involved, but you cannot control who your guests bring. It's important for Mark to process his feelings independently rather than putting that pressure on you. Hopefully, he can find a way to cope and move on from the situation
conaghrwe writes:
NTA. is Jane aware of how hung up on her Mark still is + the accusations he is making? ngl, if i were her, i would be kind of afraid of seeing him in person nervous that he would start a confrontation or be creepy at the wedding.
someone should warn Jane if they haven't already..... also i have to say, i think it's weird that Jane had to show you proof that she never cheated in the form of her chat logs with her new bf. i feel like that's an insanely weird thing to do since Mark's accusation was obviously baseless and he had no proof of his own?
OP responded in the comments:
Jane is very nonconfrontational and no I did not tell her that Mark was hung up on her all this time. The only time I brought up Mark around her was when I explained to her that Mark is accusing her of cheating on him with Tim, and I told her that I needed to know the truth so I can be there for him if she did cheat on him.
She seemed surprised by the accusation and offered to prove it (by showing the logs but she also offered to call Tim on the spot to ask him on loudspeaker when they both met, but I told her that was not necessary and that I believed her).
beommaxin writes:
NTA. Reach out to Jane. Let her know you aren't going rescind her invite or her plus one, but that you are worried that Mark will cause drama. It would not be out of line to ask her to be sensitive to the fact that Mark is going to be a wreck if she brings new BF to the wedding. She might surprise you and be gracious, inviting a friend as her plus one rather then the new BF.
OP responds:
I will talk to Jane about it. She is usually someone who likes to avoid drama, so maybe you are right and she will decide to bring someone else instead.