Groom asks bride not to wear dress she got for ex-fiancé, 'this is her dream dress.' AITA?
"WIBTAH if I ask my fiancé to change her wedding dress?"
The dress itself is very beautiful but there is a backstory. My fiancé (30F) was engaged 5 years ago and was about to get married to her soon to be husband at that time.
But that guy eloped with one of the bridesmaids. The wedding was cancelled. She didn't get to walk down the aisle. 2 years after that she met me (31M) and we started dating.
Now, I love her a lot. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I understand what she went through because I was cheated on as well. We are planning a wedding.
I know we are not supposed to see the wedding dress and what not so I didn't ask which dress she will be wearing. I got to know from one of the bridesmaids that she will be wearing the same wedding dress she bought 6 years ago.
I don't know if I am being unreasonable or not. But I don't think I will be comfortable seeing her in a dress that was intended for her first wedding. It feels like she is clinging onto the past wedding. I talked to her. I asked her why she wants to use an old dress and not buy a new one.
She told me this is her dream wedding dress. She made this dress just for her wedding. She hired professionals to do it. It was hand stitched. She made the design way before she even met her ex. She doesn't want such a beautiful dress to go waste.
I did tell her if she thinks it is inappropriate considering her first wedding did not happen. She told me she doesn't want another dress. And she doesn't see it that way.
She only sees her dream wedding dress. To her, it is a perfect dress for a perfect day. And the dress is only for her and not for the groom. She also doesn't want to spend so much money on making another dress. I dropped the matter.
Look, I have been engaged before, when my ex gave me back her ring, I sold it. I bought a new one to propose my now fiancé. So isn't it fair for me to ask her to buy a new dress rather than an old one that was meant for her first wedding?
I haven't asked her anything. I am willing to pay more if she wants another dress. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I want her to be comfortable with her choice. But I feel like this is something we both have a say in. So aitah?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Ryansprincess1 said:
So, I would agree with you if this dress was specifically for that wedding. However, as described she's dreamed about this dress way before that wedding was even there. So in her dream wedding this is THE DRESS.
That just was not THE DAY. I think if you take a step back to see it from her point of view, the dress itself is sentimental for reasons beyond the first wedding. This dress wasn't made with that husband in mind, but with her and what she dreams and wants.
I would agree if you proposed with the same ring from you ex fiance it would be tacky. However, say that ring was your mother's or grandmother's and had much more significant value than the person wearing it.
I feel like once you realized you made a mistake on the person you were going to use such a sentimental item on, you'd stow it away and make a much better choice when you did finally use that ring.
Crafty-Term-5565 said:
I saw a wedding dress while I was in high-school shopping for prom dresses. I literally could not stop staring at it. It was so beautiful and I needed to have it. Sadly, at 16, I did not have $1,800 to spend on a dress.
You can bet you I would have bought it and saved it for my wedding if I did have it though. I could not find anything close to that dress years later when it came time for my actual wedding. Sometimes it really is just about the dress.
VeraLumina said:
It is an important artifact to her and it will be an heirloom. If she didn’t want this dress or it meant something other than the fact it’s her creation, she’d already have another dress. My friend, let this woman have what she wants. Keep your opinions to yourself or you will be TH.
jr_hosep said:
Dream dresses are for individual GIRLS, not individual RELATIONSHIPS. She designed it before she even met the guy.
If it wasn’t him and it wasn’t you, it would be some other dude and the same dress. YWBTA. Don’t be insecure about this. Not only is she saving a ton of money, but most women aren’t lucky enough to get anything near this custom for their wedding dress.
If anything happened to that dress, her wedding would not be as good in her eyes. Don’t get any clever ideas.
PriorElephant4007 said:
Soft YTA. She didn’t pick the dress for her last wedding, she picked the dress for her.
[deleted] said:
Gentle YTA. A wedding dress is not the same as a ring. It’s her dress, not her ex-fiancé’s. This dress sounds incredibly meaningful and important to your fiancée, I think you need more than vague and unfounded feelings of jealousy that have no actual real world consequences to ask her not to wear it.