Groom bans bridesmaid's 'deadbeat' boyfriend from wedding, 'I have 2 daughters.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my fiancé one of her bridesmaids can’t bring her boyfriend?"
I (26M) and my fiancée (28F) are set to get married within the next year, while we were making our invitations we came across an issue, one of her friends we will call her Emily, has the worst boyfriend in the world. He’s insanely rude, a complete misogynist, and all around deadbeat.
In the first year of our relationship Emily would call us all the time complaining about (we will call him Rick) saying that he would stalk her at every bar, and do a bunch of weird stuff, and almost like an African wild dog (they hunt by wearing down their prey), eventually I guess he wore her out until they started dating???
ANYWAYS in that time I said A LOT of things about Rick before they went out together, which has even caused that Emily excludes me from all events involving my fiancées friend group, it’s never been confirmed but I’m sure it has to do with my well known hatred of Rick.
Anyways things came to a head when making the invitations, I said that absolutely he’s not coming to our wedding, and that I didn’t care, which then prompted my fiancée to be panicking due to her friend groups dynamic.
She told me that if this were to go through it would cause Emily to not come at all which would potentially cause even more drama with her friend group which would lead to potentially to a situation that would ruin the wedding.
For context, everyone hates Rick all her friends do but they don’t tell her that to Emily’s face, Rick was found to have compiled suggestive pictures of some of Emily’s friends in a file in his phone, people gave restraining orders against that man...
He humiliates Emily publicly for amusement, and constantly argues with other people in that friend group. He makes women uncomfortable and my entire family is only women, and my 2 daughters.
The last thing I would want is for my fiancée to feel uneasy at her own wedding but I don’t feel comfortable having Rick around. So, am I the ahole for not wanting Rick at my wedding?
(Adding detail, her friends aren’t the ones with retraining orders, and yes the explicit pictures were nudes he had collected via a local thread he made to obtain them from their exes, also African wild dogs hunt by wearing down their prey I had not realized how it looked until someone pointed it out! My bad sincerely!)
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NaryaGenesis said:
Your fiancee is fine with you being excluded by Emily and Rick but is throwing a tantrum at Rick receiving the same treatment because Emily will throw her own tantrum! Emily’s feelings and “drama” is more important to your fiancee than you! Let that sink it. And do with it what you will. NTA.
RubyFrosts said:
NTA, you’re not gatekeeping the guest list, you’re protecting your wedding from a walking red flag in human form. If this guy has actual restraining orders and a history of harassing women, keeping him away from your big day isn’t dramatic it’s basic safety and sanity.
WholeAd2742 said:
NTA. I'm more concerned why your fiancé's "friends" are excluding you but fine, but apparently enabling Rick's toxic and abusive behavior. Seems a deeper conversation to have before the wedding. Does she seem okay supporting that attitude as well?
Adorable_Secret8498 said:
NTA. This whole friend group sucks. They know this man is crap, but no one's willing to say anything about it? Nah. I'd 2nd think the marriage tbh. I'm petty and my SO gotta be as cutthroat as I am or it's not gonna work.
Jerseygirl2468 said:
NTA. Emily excluded you from events and your fiancee was apparently ok with that? You should not invite Rick to the wedding.
G8Temporary2763 said:
NTA. If Emily excludes you from events and know this issues, why cannot the reverse, you excluding Rick be ok? But before sending out invites maybe your fiancé could have a honest talk with Emily? From what you write she would be the only one who gonna miss Rick. Him not coming can be her wedding gift to you!