Groom bans dad's affair partner and his 'sometimes family' from wedding, 'he feels it's unfair.' AITA?
"AITA for not inviting my dad's 'love' to my wedding (or his sometimes family?)"
My dad has this long time "love" who he has been on and off with since before I (26m) was born. He was with my mom for 7 years during one of their breakups. He cheated on mom with this "love" and when mom died he went public with them getting back together. It was one of her kids who let the cat out of the bag about them being together behind my mom's back.
Their relationship did not get the happily ever after at any point. They continued getting together and breaking up. They did marry each other eventually and divorced once and remarried. But I have no idea if they're married currently or not. But they are still very on and off.
She has 5 or 6 kids with other men. My dad and her do not have kids together. I don't consider her or her kids my family. I don't have a relationship with any of them. If I see them whatever but I don't keep in touch or hang out with any of them. Even when she and dad are together, if he reaches out and wants to spend time with me I don't pay her much attention.
My dad considers her the love of his life and always calls her his love, hence the "love" because meh, it's messy I'm not even going to pretend otherwise. My relationship with dad is not very strong. But he is my dad and the only parent I've had since the age of 6 and even if he sucks he makes an effort.
I'm just tired of being a part of their love story. He f'd over my mom while she was alive with that woman and both were unfair to all other partners because they'll always cheat and find a way back to each other.
So when my fiancée and I talked about the guest list we decided to invite dad, and dad alone for that "side" of my family. My entire maternal side will be here, because I am close to them. But I never met the extended side on dad's and this woman and her many kids are not family.
But my dad wants them there. He hasn't said whether he and his "love" are together right now, he feels like I'm being unfair in inviting him to come alone. I told him the invite isn't a summons and he can say no to coming if he's against it but I will not play "sometimes family" with these people and I will not have my future kids exposed to the on and off nature of his relationship with this woman.
Dad told me she'd make an excellent grandmother and I told him it's a good thing she has kids who can make her one then. He thinks I'm wrong for my decision. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Kaynico said:
NTA. All your arguments were very well articulated. "I'm extending you a solo invite purely out of recognition of your failed attempts to be a family. Your lack of moral integrity will not bleed into my celebration of love with my wife to be.
If you cannot respect why we have no space for an on-and-off again homewreking side piece and her unrelated offspring, then you probably shouldn't attend either as the entire purpose of the day is so incomprehensible to you. It's not a kegger for you to party at and put on a show, it's a true celebration of the sanctity of marriage and the respect of a real, committed relationship."
LouisV25 said:
NTA. Not only is it your choice, I wouldn’t want to be involved in that drama. I wouldn’t want my children in that drama. She and your father may be content in their dysfunction but you don’t have to be. They are in a relationship not conjoined twins. He can come solo to support you or not at all. He has no right to bring her or her kids.
lostalldoubt86 said:
NTA- Your dad might call this woman his love, but I would call her his affair partner. You made it clear that he is just barely invited, so adding people on is completely unacceptable.
SubjectBuilder3793 said:
NTA. Hire a bouncer. You are going to need one.
CandylandCanada said:
NTA. Your response was perfect; leave it at that.
Danube_Kitty said:
NTA. That woman and her kids are his mess. You as and adult can finally.set a wall to keep that mess out of your life. You dad doesn't have to like it. But he has to respect that the only person who decides who is or is not part of your life is you.
WholeAd2742 said:
NTA. Your dad doesn't get to play pretend and rub your mom's face in the presence of his bang buddy like they're considered "family." He f'd around, now he can find out. I wouldn't invite him at all