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Groom-to-be causes a scene at 'hypocritical' mom's Renaissance Fair-themed 50th. AITA?

Groom-to-be causes a scene at 'hypocritical' mom's Renaissance Fair-themed 50th. AITA?


"AITA for refusing to attend my mom's renaissance fair themed birthday party?"

My mom recently turned 50 and my family has been experiencing some tension. I'm currently planning a wedding and my mom has been nothing but cold and standoffish with my bride to be. I have addressed her behavior multiple times and the answer is always "well she isn't my fiancee" "well I'm shy" "well you picked her, not me." I finally blew up and we had a long heart to heart and she confirmed my fears that she doesn't like my fiancee much and finds her "annoying" and "vapid" I told her if she ever acted on those feelings she will be disinvited from the wedding.

My fiancee recently had a bridal shower/bachelorette weekend at Disney as she is a huge Disney person. Growing up we rarely went to Disney as my stepdad, and I preferred Universal. I never knew my mom had opinions regarding Disney though, but it got back to me that she was making fun of the bridal shower calling it things like "lame" and "embarrassing."

When I confronted her she expressed her "concerns." She felt it was self indulgent that she was having so many pre-wedding events, and she was salty about being given a matching shirt to wear. Apparently she didn't want to be in the "bride squad" She tried to brush this off by saying Disney was childish and themes are lame.

I ended up skipping my mom's birthday trip to Italy due to other commitments. To be fair she was cool with this. I planned on taking her to dinner sometime, since 50 is a big deal, but I recieved an invitation to a surprise party on the day of her actual birthday and decided to attend. When I got there it was full ren faire themed, costumes, games, food, performers.

It was like her own personal fair. Now I don't think people would suspect this, because she gives off too cool vibes, but my mom loves renaissance fairs. It started as a joke with her and a friend that it is an excuse to "dress slutty" but that was years ago and now they are her thing.

To be honest it was an amazing party, probably one of the sickest parties I've seen, but I immediately felt pissed. How the hell is a ren fair less cringey, childish, or embarrassing than Disney? and why isn't it excessive that my mom had a trip abroad plus this party? I just could not stop thinking, "hypocrite."

My mom walked in and got surprised. Then she went to change and I couldn't take it anymore. I told my aunt I was leaving and that if my mom wanted me she could call and personally apologize to my fiancee. My aunt called me a "prick" but I left with my fiancee and guess who never called?

Now my family is saying I'm an a$s for missing both of her celebrations when 50 is a huge deal. Also apparently they are mad because they feel my fiancee used the party to get insta likes, but like what? She didn't know we would be leaving early.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Zoeyoe said:

I’m confused, you want your mom to apologize because someone threw her a surprise theme party that she loves because she hated the fact she had to do something cringey with someone she’s not fond of? I think you and your fiancée care WAY too much about her opinion. In her defense, she seems to stay to herself and not involve herself in your fiancée’s life. How will you feel when she skips your wedding? YTA.

superfastmomma said:

YTA. You are running around with a gas can fueling whatever minor fires exist. Demanding opinions and then demanding apologies. It was a surprise party, dude. She didn't plan it. You threw a hissy fit and demanded an apology from someone who did nothing wrong. Because she didn't do anything. She didn't plan the party. And no, it isn't the same thing. Going to a birthday party means I buy a card, drive to your house and eat food and drinks someone else paid for.

Going to a Disney weekend involves lots of money and time, doing something that doesn't appeal to you, being forced to wear a weird shirt. But your Mom agreed to do it. Don't expect me to call your mom an ahole because you demanded to know her opinion. And don't force someone to wear a themed tshirt in public and not have them make a random comment to whomever was there when they put it on that it's dumb.

fast-n-spurious said:

YTA. How is someone else surprising her with the renfair event her fault? Can't say she's wrong about her Disney thoughts.

VegetableBusiness897 said:

So I'm guessing you want us to say that you're N T A for leaving your mom's super cool birthday, because she should think her Ren fair if just as embarrassing as your fiancés Disney (which is not as cool as Universal)batch.... Riiiiight? Well ESH You're all too immature and high maintenance to actually be old enough to be getting married or to have had kids.

AnonymooseVamoose said:

YTA. Sounds like you and your fiancée are spoiling for a fight because your mom isn’t falling all over herself pandering to your preferences. While she is doing her own thing, thinks for herself and yea, isn’t impressed by your fiancée. Nothing wrong with that.

I mean….birthday in Italy and and incredible Ren-Faire themed party vs Disney bride/bride squad??? I’d be going to your mom’s shindigs and it seems like THAT is what you HAVE at problem with. Your mom sounds cool and yea….you’re fiancee might seem boring and forgettable by comparison.

The issue is neither of those…it’s that you are envious because she’s is perfectly happy to liver her life, leave you to yours and you seem pissy that she’s just not terribly moved by your fiancée and wedding activities.

as_per_danielle said:

YTA. You’re right about your mom being a hypocrite, but leaving in the middle of her birthday party and demanding an apology is just a temper tantrum. You should have brought it up with her later on in private.

The opinions were slightly divided for this one, but most people weren't on OP's side here. What's your advice for this family drama?

Sources: Reddit
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